Dan Savage, yes THAT Dan Savage, reviews Sarah Palin's new book. And it is awesome!

Hey do you remember how I said that this review of Palin's book from the Daily Beast was the best one ever? Yeah, I was wrong.

Dan Savage decided to force himself to wade through the waist deep mooseshit which makes up this steaming pile, and his observations, and reactions, are NOT to be missed.

Don't believe me?

Well try this on for size: 

Here's a picture of Sarah Palin's grandson—who for a time was the most famous fetus on the planet (2008, Republican National Convention)—and a quote: 

"'All this for me? And I wasn't even very good!' 

—My grandson, Tripp Easton Mitchell [Johnston], upon seeing the presents beneath the Christmas tree, 2012" All this for me—and I wasn't even that good. 

Translate that into Latin and it could be on the Palin family's coat of arms.

That is awesome.

But there is more, so much more.

Savage keeps getting overcome with anger as he tries to crawl through the stupidity and hate in the book, but can barely get started before he has to stop and regroup.

Like when he gets to page five. (That's right 5!)  

Here I learn something I didn't know and, if I were Sarah Palin, something I wouldn't want anyone to know. But Sarah hustles this fact to the front of the book because she sure as hell wants us to know it: Sarah surprised Todd with a "nice, needed, powerful gun" for Christmas in 2012. It was a "small act of civil disobedience," Palin writes, prompted by "the anti-gun chatter coming from Washington." 

What was inspiring that anti-gun chatter in Washington in December of 2012? Oh, right: Twenty children and six teachers were shot dead in their classrooms by a deranged asshole with a "powerful gun." And before the grieving mothers and fathers of Newtown, Connecticut, could put their dead children in the ground, Sarah Palin ran out gun shopping. Buying Todd a gun in the wake of the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary was "fun," Palin writes—and, again, an act of "civil disobedience." Because gun nuts are a persecuted minority. 

This paragraph about gun shopping in December of 2012—one first grader at Sandy Hook was shot 11 times—ends with Palin bragging about her tits. I'm not kidding. Okay, I have to put the book down. 

I'm five pages into Good Tidings and Great Joy and... Jesus Fucking Christ... I have got to put down this toxic little shitstain of a book. I'm going to go wash my eyes out with hydrogen peroxide. Be right back.

That should be the reaction from just about anybody subjecting their sensibilities to this ghostwritten roadkill.

Courageously Savage wades back in:  

Secularists have a vision for Christmas—and Sarah doesn't care for it, not one bit. 

"The other vision is a secular winter festival, which launches on Black Friday and ends sometime after Kwanzaa. People who hold Christmas in contempt believe the holiday can be 'saved' from its religious heritage. The secular vision wants the 'peace' and the 'goodwill toward men' without the miracle of the Virgin Birth—forgetting, of course, that there is no ultimate peace apart from Christ, and it is Christ who empowers every act of 'goodwill toward men' in our otherwise fallen hearts." 

Two things: 

1. Who holds Christmas in contempt? Who? Where are these people? I'm a secular humanist—there's an award from the Freedom from Religion Foundation on my mantel just inches from my Christmas tree—and here I am, at home on a Saturday morning, baking Christmas cookies for my family. Not holiday cookies. Christmas cookies. I'll be taking some across the street to share with my Jewish neighbors later today. They love Christmas. And no one is trying to "save" Christmas from its heritage. We have a crèche for the baby Jesus and strings of lights for the Roman god Saturn. We honor Christmas's religious heritage—the Christian and non-Christian bits. 

2. You read it here first: No Jew—or Muslim or Hindu or Buddhist or atheist—ever performed a kind, loving, or selfless act. Or if a Jew ever did such a thing, that Jew was "empowered" to do so by Christ. Unwittingly inspired. And no human being ever performed a kind, loving, or selfless act before Christ was born. 

I just threw Sarah Palin's book across the room—no, scratch that. I just threw it clear across the house. If our front door had been open, her book would've sailed across the street and onto our Jewish neighbor's porch across the street. 

Sorry, gang, but I gotta take another hydrogen peroxide break.

I hate to give away the ending, but ultimately Dan Savage simply cannot subject himself to venom soaked volume long enough to even get past the introduction before his partner stages an intervention,

However in my opinion, his inability to actually read the entire thing, is probably the most honest reaction to this bullshit book that I can imagine.

Personally if I met somebody who had read this book and still claimed to have retained their sanity I would slowly back away from them and assume they were either lying through their teeth or possessed by the demon Beelzebub.

Actual picture of Beelzebub.