Things sure are tough in Jesusland! Apparently lacking followers, Kentucky Baptist churches are resorting to an interesting new method to win converts: gun giveaways they have dubbed “outreach to rednecks.”
The Kentucky Baptist Convention is doing exactly what Jesus would want: luring converts by giving them the means to murder others! At their “Second Amendment Celebrations,” churches across the state invite gun lovers everywhere to enjoy a nice, juicy steak and a chance to win fabulous prizes–all of which are capable of sending someone to meet Jesus very efficiently.
According to Chuck McAlister, a former pastor and Outdoor Channel hunting show host, over 1,600 men made “professions of faith” at about 50 gun giveaway events last year. The hillbilly handouts managed to lure over 500 people out of their homes on a snowy January day to a gun event at Highview Baptist Church. Sixty-one of those men “made decisions to seek salvation,” according to McAlister. According to Paul Chitwood, the Kentucky Baptist Convention’s executive director, “it’s been very effective.”
Once again I have to ask, "Have any of these people ever read the New Testament? Do that not understand the words attributed to Jesus?"
But hey if you can't trust a former pastor and hunting show host about the most effective way to get asses in the pews then who can you trust?
I am beginning to feel badly for the normal everyday Christians who are living their lives trying to be good people, and who keep finding themselves constantly represented in the news by the craziest people in the country.
It is true. Sometimes it must be embarrassing to be a real christian in this environment of theocratic crazies. I guess the same could be said of old fashioned moderate republicans in
ReplyDeletethis GOP clown car climate.
So what are the "real" Christians doing about it?
DeleteNothing. Just what the "old fashioned moderate republicans" are doing about the GOP clown car inhabitants.
They are doing something. Cowering . . . .
DeleteExactly what do you expect them to do? Unlike the RCC, most Protestant churches are not part of a larger authoritative group. Sects of sects of sects spring up all the time. A $5 license in may states means "you are a minister" - no requirements, no tests, just rent-a-space and hang out the shingle for the gullible. The mainstream didn't trademark it's name, so no way to prevent a place like Westboro from claiming it is Baptist, even if 99% of all other Baptists wanted to.
DeleteThanks G. for the sympathy. I'm trying to weave myself through the maze of crazy that has hypnotized the church. What's going on? Have people lost their minds? Guns used to lure new members in the church? What next? Strip pole dancing girls?
ReplyDeleteprobably.
DeleteSarah and Bristol, your calling is here!
DeleteDon't feel sorry for them, Gryphen. They are lazy cowards who are content to feel smug and virtuous that while THOSE Christians' Jesus is a prosperity gospel- preaching advocate for gun zealots,THEIR Jesus is a peaceful, compassionate proponent for the poor and persecuted.
ReplyDeleteAnd the latter would greatly appreciate your NOT confusing them with the former. They work SO hard to maintain their superior attitude (while not doing any real thing to fight the former's co-opting of their fictional hero).
Now you know why Jesus went crazy in the temple.
ReplyDeleteThat never happened. Good story, though.
DeleteWe are becoming - nay, make that 'we ARE' - a paranoid, crazy, FAKE nation.
ReplyDeleteSMHID
Well guns are kind of the ultimate Meet Jesus Now tool. So church, guns, criminals in the pews, I get it!
ReplyDeleteNow THAT'S one hot piece of metal, sure to become a collector's item! What says second amendment more loudly than a gun with Jesus's image on the handle. It's not a sin to murder if you cover Jesus's eyes while shooting a gun. That was one of the commandments that was on the rock Moses dropped on his walk down.
ReplyDeleteTOTALLY O/T: have you seen this, Gryphen ?
ReplyDeletehttps://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=673012029424919&set=a.631375070255282.1073741825.109696302423164&type=1&theater
Looks like she might be preggo again...
"God Bless Our God"? What does that even mean? To real people, that is.
ReplyDeleteIt means these guns are for in case your god isn't their god? Not to mention atheism.
DeleteIt basically means God saying "I bless myself". I wonder if he says that when he sneezes? LOL
DeleteThis sounds fake. Never heard of Americans Against the Tea Party. Are you sure this isn't one of those satirical stories?
ReplyDeleteWell then USA Today feel for it, too: http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/03/03/churches-guns-giveaway/5967533/
Delete"God bless our god?" That is some kind of fucking joke, right? God is useless, end of.
ReplyDeleteTemple prostitutes of all sexes.
ReplyDeleteGryphen, that is THE most beautiful firearm I have ever seen since the Ronald Reagan commemorative Desert Eagle .75 caliber pocket cannon with endangered black rhino tusk combat grip, carbon fiber receiver, solid platinum alloy cartridge ejector, 52 round capacity megaclip custom machined to accommodate UN-prohibited armor-piercing teflon-coated 28gram elephant loads, reverse-spin acid-etched barrel CNC-machined from actual WTC rubble, 220W integrated laser sight, micro-engraved lithograph of Custer's Last Stand and the Second Amendment, certificate of lethality signed by every board member of the NRA and ready-to-customize kill plate where its proud owner can notch up his SYG victories.
ReplyDeleteI know a lot of the fellas don't like to talk about masturbating with their guns, but c'mon, some of us are adults here and THAT is one gorgeous pistol!!! It doesn't take a handgun fetish expert to know that the Jeebus gun is gonna see a lot action in AND out of the bedroom!
And with the actual face of God on your handgrip, you KNOW your percentage of kill shots is gonna go thru the roof! Hey, unarmed black teenagers! Better watch out!!!
And so, in conclusion, sure, it's probably an over-the-top tacky, 'shopped parody version of a twisted gun nut's wetdream, but in 2014 Amercia that just means if it somehow is real, it would sell like snow shovels in a freak late-April/early May Midwestern blizzard!
I heard this on a the TV commercial . This is in my viewing area. The picture looked like a military rifle on a small tripod. I made comment to my dau how Christian is that, giving away as a raffle, a gun. I wonder what they actually learn at church, because none are Christian. I was at the doctors office and a old man with a cane and I think he had a tube up his nose. Wanted to know if he could bring his gun to his next appointment . Now I have to worry about a gun going off at the drs office. What is wrong with people. Why is it such an imposition, to leave it in the car? You are not safe at Walmart the drs office,, anywhere anymore,
ReplyDelete