 |
| Jordan D. Haskins, candidate for the state legislator, and public masturbator. |
A candidate running to represent Michigan’s 95th House district in the state legislature wants you to know that once you look past his bizarre sexual fetish and multiple felony convictions, he is a rock-ribbed conservative Republican, whose “stool of conservatism” is held up by “faith, family and freedom.”
Michigan Live reported Friday that Saginaw’s Jordan D. Haskins dismisses the arrests and prison time as the results of youthful indiscretion and said that he is ready to “move on from that and do what I can” to serve his state as a Republican state Representative.
“I have dreams,” Haskins said to Michigan Live, “and I want to make a difference.”
Haskins, 24, has served prison time in two states and is currently on parole, but there are no rules preventing him from running for the state House.
On four occasions between April of 2010 and January of 2011, Haskins broke into vehicles on public and private property, disconnected the ignition wires, then started the engine. As the wires snapped and spit sparks, Haskins would masturbate to climax in a sexualized ritual he calls “cranking.”
Haskins has lived in Michigan and North Carolina and has lengthy criminal records in both states, dating back to the age of 15. Early offenses had mostly to do with breaking into cars and going on joyrides.
“I was just a lonely, angry kid at the time,” he said. “If anything, I could be put on ‘World’s Dumbest Criminals.’”
Valid point, after all who hasn't broken into cars, hot wired them, and then polished the bishop while listening to the vehicle's engine turning over?
Well me for one.
And here I thought I was fairly well versed in deviant behaviors, and yet I have never even HEARD of this one.
And look I don't like to judge other people's sexual proclivities, but he guy DID get convicted for his, and this did not happen when he was an adolescent, but instead only three or four years ago.
Yeah if I were a voter in Michigan's 95th district I am pretty sure this would be more than enough to dissuade me from casting my vote for this guy.
Headline alert - her is a his. (Sorry for acting like a troll)
ReplyDeleteActually, I thought it was a story about a transsexual candidate, and the first line of text when I scrolled down would say, 'no, that's no typo.'
DeleteHey, would it be strange these days?
My hubby's family is from rural southern MI. All those farm chemicals must be leaching into the well water down there. There is no other explanation for the candidates they get.
ReplyDelete(Ahem; you might want to clear up the gender confusion in your headline for this item.)
ReplyDeleteLove your work, anyway!
Why did he have to masturbate with other people's cars? Couldn't he keep it contained in his own garage? Nasty!
ReplyDeleteThere was an addition show, one man was addicted to having sex with cars. He didn't do women, only cars. He was very passionate about it. I think it had to do with the movie Christine.
DeleteUm, "ignore HER arrest record"? Typing too fast again, Gryphen.
ReplyDeleteHe's a "stool" of conservatism alright. As they say... you can't polish a turd.
ReplyDeleteGryph, check your headline.
ReplyDeleteYou mixed genders in the title, there's a stray "her" in it...
ReplyDeleteIt figures that he's religious. Jeebus
ReplyDeleteyou can't fix stupid
The guy should change his first name to Spanky! For crying out loud, next he will say what he was doing was not a sin according to his bible.
ReplyDeleteSp ck: "HIS" arrest record.
ReplyDeleteWhat is it with politicians and cars. We stopped a local councilman who wanted to be re-elected (after losing his bid for a term) after he was arrested for the exact same thing.
Gee, rent a room, go home, go to the bathroom. But please, not in public or in your car!
This is two completely insane candidates in two days, both republicans.
ReplyDeletePeople like President Eisenhower must be rolling over in their graves.
More Republican shenanigans
ReplyDeleteIn a letter posted on his personal website, Timothy Ray Murray claims Frank D. Lucas, who beat him on Tuesday to be the Republican nominee for an Oklahoma congressional election, has been dead for three years.
"It is widely known Rep. Frank D. Lucas is no longer alive and has been displayed by a look-alike," he said.
http://www.smh.com.au/world/us-congressional-candidate-tim-murray-says-he-was-beaten-by-a-robot-20140628-zspdy.html
You beat me to it. It wasn't Haskins jerking off, just his evil body double.
DeleteSorry about the headline.
ReplyDeleteI was at the movies.
Fixed now.
Okay, let's all tell our weirdest solo.
ReplyDeleteBack when I was a randy 19, working a fast food place, and with my own keys because I had to be there earliest to unload a supply truck, I once made a point to use the men's room for that activity, after I had punched in. I wasn't particularly horny, I was however determined, that just once, my employer was going to fund my orgasm. It must have been worth it; I haven't forgotten it.
But I'm afraid I don't know how to hotwire a car, and I've never experience 'cranking.' I hope I haven't lived a deprived life.
TMI--sorry, but that is just wrong
DeleteIf his scruffy hair were a few inches longer, he and Scarah could compare stylists and the like.
ReplyDeleteI have heard of sparks flying when people meet but never heard of sparks flying for this guys pleasure.When will Sarah give him her full endorsement? sounds like he would be Todd's kind of guy.
ReplyDeleteThese weirdos are drawn to the gop like moths to a flame!! They probably figure with all the other freaks in the party, they will seem "normal"
ReplyDeleteAnother screwed up Republican! Will their screwed up selection of folks ever change? (especially look at McCain picking Palin all those many years ago!)
ReplyDeleteThey are a totally screwed up party that continues to be unpopular...they play w/themselves, play w/others, lie, cheat, steal, are unethical, not the Christians they profess to be, marry multiple times, screw around on their wives or husbands, etc Damn, but they are just the kind of people we want governing the USA. Bullshitters, all of them!
But the Li'l Baby Jeebus forgives every one of them for their sins, so it's all okay.
DeleteThey heard it directly from Jeebus hisownself so it must be true.
"... stool of conservatism." Yup. One giant poop.
ReplyDeleteA thousand or so years ago when I was still a teenager I worked in a local grocery store as a checker. They caught one of the teenage stockboys humping two pounds of raw hamburger meat up against a wall in the men's room. He had forgotten the lock was broken on the door, and after a few days of sarcastic ribbing from most of the other male teens working there, he quit. His brother continued to work there, and so far as I know they threw the hamburger meat in the dumpster.
ReplyDeleteSo for teens taking any outlet at hand to get off there really is nothing new or strange. One has to give them an A score for imagination and innovation.
And he probably evolved into a very uninhibited, unashamed and creative bed partner in adulthood while those who ridiculed him became their generation's ammosexuals. I wouldn't bet against it.
DeleteI am surprised the he wasn't fired immediately, Doesn't speak well of the store. Who knows how much tainted meat was sold before the incident when he was caught.
DeleteYuck! Who would shake his hand?
ReplyDeleteGame of Life, I suppose you wipe your ass, and you still expect others to shake your hand, don't you ? Masturbating is not the problem there.
DeleteLeaving his load in other people's abused cars is.
Well, that does it: it is no longer possible to mock or satirize the nutjobs from the rightwing...they DO everything we try to joke they MIGHT do.
ReplyDeleteI described the 2010 election, which established the Tea Party as the boss of congress, as the one where dimwitted citizens voted for witches, goblins, and the town masturbator.
That is no longer an overstatement.
(Sigh)
Okay, so the kid has a hamless fetish. Should we pile on him for it ?
ReplyDeleteYES. Times 2 !
1. Because the kid damaged other people's property to do engage in his kid. He probably gets off on abusing other people's stuff. He should not been put in a position of power over other people's stuff, ever.
2. Because the kid is a Repub. Someone who claims some sort of moral superiority. Someone who wouldn't hesitate to harass another human just for being kinky in the privacy of his own bedroom, or just for being a female, if he could get away with it. Hypocrisy at its best.
A car rapist, that's what he is.
Just when you thought you heard it all, this idiot wants forgiveness for his autoerotic fixations? I don't care what this dipshit does with his dipstick, but he really needs professional help.
ReplyDeleteWhat's really sad is....there are people who will still vote for him.
ReplyDelete