Henry Rayhons, 78, a Republican state representative from Iowa House District 8, was told by medical staff on May 15 that his wife, 78-year-old Donna Rayhons, no longer had the mental ability to consent to sexual activity, according to a criminal complaint obtained by WHO-TV.
Donna Rayhons, who suffered from Alzheimer's disease, had been living in Concord Care Center in Garner, Iowa, since March, according to the Des Moines Register.
On May 23 — 8 days after being told his wife could no longer consent — Rayhons went into his wife’s room at the nursing home and closed the curtains that separated the woman from her roommate. The roommate later told staff that the noises she heard indicated Rayhons was engaged in sexual activity with his wife.
Surveillance video also allegedly shows Rayhons throwing his underwear into a laundry bag as he left the room, according to the complaint.
In an interview with law enforcement in June, Rayhons allegedly confessed to “having sexual contact” with his wife, according to KCCI. He also allegedly admitted that he had a copy of the document that stated his wife did not have the cognitive ability to give consent.
Rayhons was charged with third-degree sexual abuse on Friday.
You know Republicans are forever telling people that there are certain kinds of sex that is permissible, between a man and his wife for instance, and types of sex that are not permissible, such as any kind that is really enjoyable.
And of course they use the Bible and label everything they do not like as a "sin."
However for those of us who do not take our morality from the pages of an ancient book, we usually determine permissible sex as any sex act between to consenting adults, who have the capacity to provide that consent.
What Mr. Rayhons did is disgusting.
He took advantage of a person who was unable to provide her consent.
It does not matter that the body he used was that of his wife, because her mind was unable to make a decision to provide consent. and that makes what he did rape.
And HE is a pig for putting his salacious needs above those of a woman that he is supposed to love and protect.
Disgusting old pervert.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you expect? Republican == All About Me.
DeletePretty sad situation all around. This guy may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer himself, which could explain his actions.
ReplyDeleteO/T. Looks like $arah Granny Paylin's curse struck errand boy Joe Miller again!
Poor Joe, always the bridesmaid, never the bride! I
guess his 12 kids and in laws won't be grifting off the US Government payroll.
Maybe Joe will have to keep claming Medicaid for his kid's health insurance, in spite of how much he claims to hate big government
Poor $arah, so despised in Alaaaasskkaah, and she was RUINED by Katie Couric , Nicole Wallace, Steve Schmidt, John McCain, and it's all their fault!
And Prop 1 was defeated.
DeleteWhat a creepy fucker this guy is.
ReplyDeleteI would never vote for any Republican, but this story seems a bit beyond party politics. Both parties have sick individuals.
ReplyDeleteThe Repubs corner the market on perverted-ness, that is common knowledge. The list is long.
DeleteIf she was unable to consent, then charge him with forcible rape.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing about this even close to "third degree", like you said, first degree forcible rape. This is exactly like raping a child.
DeleteFrom is family: "We believe that nursing home patients do better, emotionally and physically, with consistent and proper social stimuli form [sic] spouses, relatives and friends. Accusing a spouse of a crime for continuing a relationship with his spouse in a nursing home seems to us to be incredibly illogical and unnatural, as well as incredibly hurtful."
ReplyDeletePuh-leeeeze. It's RAPE.
continuing a sexual relationship with a person who doesn't know who you are is sick And mean
DeleteAren't you supposed to love her?
Now, at her most vulnerable, she believes she is being raped by a stranger! !!!!!
Why isn't there a line of family and friends waiting their turn. Sorry to sound so disgusting, but these folks have their heads up their butts. What part of "unable to give consent" don't they get? I can't help but think there's a drug company that sells erectile dysfunction pills hoping his prescriptions don't become public knowledge.
DeleteWhat a disgusting and vile man!
ReplyDeleteBe careful about making assumptions in this case.
ReplyDeleteAlzheimer's Disease is spectacularly tragic for victims and close family members. If this man and his wife had a healthy sex life before she developed AD, it's may not be a kindness to deprive her of that physical connection in her final months or years.
You may think you know what's right for both of them, but you should pray to almighty Zeus you never get to experience what either of them is going through.
Um,
DeleteWho decides to keep them from having sex when she doesn't know who he is that day? ??
Apparently the wife died not too long after the incident so I suspect she really was beyond being able to consent to anything. Imagine being such a schmuck that the nursing home personnel have to tell you not to try to have sex with your wife with end-stage Alzheimer's Disease. Maybe he didn't believe she was as terminally ill as she was. If I were the prosecutor, I'm not sure I'd prosecute him but I sure would want him to get psychological help. He needs it.
DeleteBeaglemom
Did you miss the part where she had been determined 8 days before of being UNABLE to give consent? This probably terrified her every time he raped her otherwise they would not have to have gotten her termed incompetent by the courts.
DeleteI believe this is a pretty common occurrence in nursing homes. I've heard stories like this before, but not in the news. Of course it occurs because some religions say that masturbation is cause for eternal damnation. How about the recent story about the morgue employee that routinely had sex with corpses, and was caught because an accused murderer denied having sex with his victim and the deceased's autopsy indicated the presence of semen/rape.
ReplyDeleteToo sad and too complex to offer condemnation in this situation.
ReplyDeleteThough my father does not have Alzheimer's, he is in a nursing home with partial dementia, due to Parkinson's.
This has been the saddest, most difficult time for both my parents, as they have been lovingly together for the past 69 years and I know that one of my father's chief causes of depression is that he is incapable of "being of value"- that he is unable to care for himself and care for my mother.
I have also seen how the staff at the home neglects to care for him as an individual and are very quick to ignore his moments of lucidity and personal needs. In other words, their assessments are not always accurate or trusted by those who know him best.
If this man had done this with a stranger with the same condition, of course it would be rape, but in this case, because it is his wife with whom he has had sex for many years, he and she both may have been trying to continue as normal a connection as they could sustain, despite what the "powers that be" told them.
I think he would also be criticized for finding sexual connection outside the marriage.
This is exactly the kind of thing that people should approach with delicacy and compassion, not an arrest and public humiliation.
This obviously touched a nerve for me, given the sadness and emotional struggles that my parents and our whole family have had to deal with over the past year and my advice to all is to go to a nursing home to visit these hidden people- see how many people you recognize from your town who you "just hadn't seen for a while"- and give some companionship and understanding to them.
It is, without a doubt, the most difficult time of life for all of them.
And give an old couple a wide road to navigate their new found separation, fears, and loneliness.
This isn't your Dad. This woman was being raped. And if your Dad is somewhere they aren't caring for him properly, get him moved. This is no different than if he had raped your father, after she was declared incompetent she is no longer his consenting wife. Think a bit, and not about your Dad....think why they would have gone through all the hassle of getting a woman with advanced dementia declared incompetent? Maybe to protect her from suffering through rapes and going through the trauma's each and every time? Why else would they bother, but to protect her? It is beyond disgusting and I cannot believe you are defending this rapist by worrying about HIS needs, Oh My Dog, I cannot believe you are defending a rapist.
DeleteThe fact that the nursing home staff went the route of informing him of her inability to consent to sex,and the fact of them asking for charges plus the fact that she died not that long after tells me there is more to the story. Her medical conditions that lead to her death may have made it abuse due to what ever pain or uncomfortableness she had. Perhaps he was unwilling to put his wife's health before his sexual satisfaction.Perhaps he was causing trauma to her .In any case,for this to have gone this far,it was not some fairy tale story like you suggest.
DeleteOh,by the way,if you and your family are so concerned over the nursing home care of your father being impersonal,I have 2 suggestions based on my 86 year old mother's care. Get involved and discuss your fears with the proper staff,or take him home to live with you and you take personal care of him. Trust me,you will be more understanding of the people who dedicate their lives to caring for the victims of Alzheimers.
If this man had done this with a stranger with the same condition, of course it would be rape, but in this case, because it is his wife with whom he has had sex for many years, he and she both may have been trying to continue as normal a connection as they could sustain, despite what the "powers that be" told them.
Delete"Many years!!" They hadn't even been married for 7 years as stated in other articles.
The man raped her and put his own selfish needs in front of the needs and care of his wife. His behavior is reprehnsible.
Alzheimer's has turned a close friend's mother who was much more stoic in the past into a very affectonate and expressive woman. She has very poor memory of recent event and cannot be left on her own. The extended family are caring for both parents. What stresses her out more than anything is the absence of her husband. They are always together sitting next to each other and cuddling. He has mild dementia. If the family could not care for this couple and the wife was placed in a home, I could see a similar scenario as the couple in the article. This is a very sad situation but without knowing the couple, how can we judge. I think his political affiliation set the tone for this post.
ReplyDeleteSo you would be okay with a spouse raping you as you were unconscious after surgery or if you were in a coma? That is the comparison, not wanting to hold hands.
DeleteHmm, must be more of that "compassionate conservatism " I''ve been hearing oh-so-much about.
ReplyDeleteI cannot believe people are looking past the fact this woman was declared incompetent and could NOT give consent.
ReplyDeleteWhy would a nursing home, and most likely social services get her declared incompetent? They do not do that in most cases, it isn't necessary unless they need to protect the patient from something and in this case it was her own husband. I imagine she was terrified every time she was raped.
The patient in the next bed behind the curtain shouldn't have had to endure hearing that.
ReplyDeleteThat patient should have called the nurse while it was happening...
DeleteThe patient was probably very scared and worried what that type of creep would do to her.
DeleteThankfully for his wife, she passed away earlier this month...
ReplyDeleteThat said: for those bible thumpers, a wife is there to submit to the husband's every whim and will. So, he did nothing wrong in his eyes and his bible interpretation!
In my eyes, he is a huge pile of excrement, and should be dealt accordingly.
It seems to me this more about the religious right where the man has the right to his wife's body, with or without her consent. It is part of the marriage vows which uses the word "obey" to mean "do what I want and to hell with you". This is not a political POV but a religious rights POV I believe. I bet she was never allowed a headache or any other reason to say "no". What he did is awful and hateful, but fully within his rights as he sees them. I may be wrong, but I'm pretty sure he felt that he was only doing what marriage allowed HIM! He owned his wife :(
ReplyDeleteExactly. He probably didn't care what her thoughts were prior to her incapacitation, so why would it matter to him after?
DeleteHe should have called Todd Palin's Escort Service.
ReplyDeleteI feel sorry for the pets in the house as well. If he was so fucked up he didn't know what he was doing, how'd he get it in? Sick shit.
ReplyDeleteRape is Rape. This man put his selfish needs before the care of his wife, who could not consent to the act of sex. What this woman needed was to have him by her side, holding her hand, spending quality time with her in her moment of need. Someone should fish his undies from the hamper and make him choke on polished cotton. What a selfish jerk. What makes this "third degree" and not "First degree rape", he KNEW she couldn't consent, but dammit, he has his blue pills and will use them as he sees fit.
ReplyDeleteSo many if not most of the comments on here make me absolutely SICK! It was the guys the wife whom he loved and cared for! Is it a crime to love your wife and be intimate with her even though her memory has failed her? The article mentions nothing of a past history of spousal abuse. Can you honestly say that he raped her...........Secondly I researched Iowa laws surrounding invasion of privacy.........Here is what I found: There is no set definition, but examples of types of intrusive conduct can be drawn from various legal authorities. These examples include photographs or video of people in places where they'd expect privacy, such as bathrooms, hospital rooms, and bedrooms. Taking into consideration Iowa's state law's has this husband's privacy been invaded and possibly his wife's privacy as well? Why did the care facility have surveillance camera(s)? What was the need for the camera(s)? .........I think this will be a very tough case for a jury to decide. For those of you that think it was rape, what if this person was your dad? Would you still call it rape, or would you be okay with it because it was your own father? Reverse the scenario and think how you would act then...........Lastly, until you have walked a mile in someone's shoes you can't judge them. Ultimately is up to god to judge him, but for a jury and judge to decide his fate..........
ReplyDelete