Courtesy of the Daily Beast:
The Baltimore Ravens said Monday they have cut Ray Rice from the team following TMZ’s posting of a video from February in which Rice is seen knocking out his then-fiancée and now-wife Janay Palmer. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced minutes later that he has indefinitely suspended Rice from the league. Several months ago, video footage of Rice dragging Palmer out of the elevator led the NFL to suspend him for two games. It seems the league needs double confirmation of domestic abuse before firing players. In response to the initial outrage, the NFL established a new policy for domestic violence: First-time offenders will automatically be suspended six games and repeat offenders will be suspended indefinitely.
Jesus he hits that woman full force with a closed fist. And then she hits the hand rail before crumpling to the ground like a puppet with her strings cut.
Okay I have two questions here.
First what kind of a man hits the woman he "loves" that fucking hard? Or at all even?
And second what kind of woman marries the man that does something like that to her?
Is it just the money? Because I somehow doubt that there will be very much of that coming his way in the future.
You know I am a man with no small amount of anger issues myself, but I have NEVER struck a woman. Never!
And trust me when I tell you that I have been with some women who have seemed to do everything in their power to get me to do exactly that.
But if I had ever slipped, ever lost control even for a moment, I cannot imagine striking a woman that hard.
And if I had my very own mother would have gladly cut my balls off for me. As she warmed me repeatedly when I was but a lad.
That guy should not only be cut from the team, and kicked out of the NFL, he should be thrown into prison. Period!
I have to question why the then fiancée decided to marry her attacker. The snippet of video makes it appear that both parties seemed to think it was ok to be physical. I doubt this was their first altercation. I'm glad he's suspended. Very brutal and disturbing
ReplyDeleteStockholm Syndrome.
DeleteI heard this morning on Joy Reid's show that she was never interviewed alone; he was always in the room as well. Which is just creepy and wrong.
DeleteI have an older sister who was in an abusive relationship for 25 years; she finally got away from him & is trying to build some type of a life. The thought processes of the abused person are hard to understand.
People need to stop throwing around words and diagnoses. It's weird. Goes double for Gryphen, who's obsessed with casting strange pychological disorders on a woman whom he doesn't know, slandering her family.
Delete7:06 - are you talking about Sarah P. and all the disorders? Or her 83 IQ?
Delete7:06 Can't you learn a new word? "Slandering" is getting old and the continually misuse of it is even older.
DeleteSo now the Palin troll is defending a woman beater? Must be part of Pimp Daddy Todd's brood. Those Repugs are sick.
DeleteI am so glad TMZ leaked this video and they were pushed to fire him. The NFL let this slide until TMZ let this loose.
ReplyDeleteRoger Goodell needs to get his ass kicked to the curb for covering up the true events, the NFL owners should demand it ..
Deletehmmm, wonder if the same could happen to that fuktard john mccain ?
Ruthless Reviews weighed in on the matter today: we should be as angry about Eric Cantor, but we're not:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ruthlessreviews.com/24344/ray-rice/
Well, that woman has been abused before, and he made her think that he is the only one who loves her and that she is not lovable otherwise. Typical abused woman. Not the first one, not the last one.
ReplyDeleteStockholm Syndrome, where the abused stands by the abuser and defends him even.
These types of posts of yours are, IMO, among your most important, Gryphen. I commend both you, and your mother!
ReplyDeleteMe too.
DeleteHi Gryphen! I definitely concur with the above poster! My late father dispensed the same advice to me when I was a teenager; in his words "only a fuckin' coward strikes a woman!" I have an older sister who endured an abusive relationship as well, but she had a daughter to support. After 18 years, she had enough and left; however, there was a lot of emotional damage done to both of them. With the support of her siblings, she has persevered and moved on. By the way, in light of the NFL's indefinite suspension of Rice and him being cut by the Ravens, the Canadian Football League Commissioner's Office stated that they will honour the NFL's suspension, which will result in him being ineligible to play football here in Canada. Good!
DeleteYay for the Canadians!
Delete1smartcanerican
It is very important not be be judgmental about a victim's decision about whether to stay or leave an attacker. There are many, many reasons for her to stay, including that it is almost always extremely dangerous to try to leave. I've worked in the field of domestic violence for a long time and have learned to support the victim's decision, not matter what I think I might do. Nobody knows the full details of what she/he is up against. Good domestic violence counselors help a woman devise a safety plan for daily living, which only after very very very careful consideration might at some point include an attempted escape. And woe to all if it doesn't work.
ReplyDeleteSo true. It's easy to call an abused woman stupid or crazy for staying, but the reasons can be complex, and leaving extremely dangerous. They have a child together; she may feel she can protect that child better on the inside.
DeleteYou hit the nail on the head Martha. After leaving law enforcement, I worked for a shelter. My job was putting together safety plans for women to leave their abusers. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. Either way it wasn't the victims fault. Law Enforcement has been slow to educate their officers on the dynamics of domestic violence. They are coming around but is has been a slow process.
DeleteWell said, Martha.
DeletePart of the problem for the abused woman is that the abuser systematically destroys her self-confidence and she feels powerless to leave and be on her own. (Spoken as a formerly-abused woman.)
DeleteIt took me a tremendous amount of will-power and many years to leave my husband and I never regretted doing it--not for one moment.
Often these abusers prey on women with low self-esteem, from families where their individuality wasn't nurtured, instead it was a threat to the family. At first, abusers play the role of prince charming and love them unconditionally. For women who have never experienced unconditional love from their parents, this is an intoxicating experience.
All too soon they begin their controlling behavior, which these women are all too familiar with. Then they start undermining the woman's self-esteem, claiming they are "helping" and "protecting" them.
The mental and physical abuse alternates with periods of remorse from the abuser who begs for forgiveness and promises to be a better man. During these times, he can be incredibly attentive and kind and seeing these qualities, the woman hopes and believes that this part of her partner will ultimately predominate over the unkind part.
It is terribly confusing, and only those who have been in this situation can really understand how difficult it is to leave this type of situation.
Martha has it absolutely right. No one knows what the victim is up against, and domestic violence is not just physical abuse. It often involves emotional and mental abuse over a long period of time and you simply can not understand what a victim is going through unless you have lived her life. I can tell you why I stayed. I thought I could change him, I thought marriage counseling would change him and I wanted our kids to have a father in their life. When he began to abuse the children in the same way as he did me, I tried to leave. He threatened to take the children from me. When I went through with filing for divorce, he made good on his threat and started fabricating anything he could think of about me. His family members helped fund his court case and lied on the stand for him. He had strangers come testify about what an unfit mother I was, which I was not. He hid financial assets. I spent my life savings trying to keep the kids, but he kept me in court for a decade, running the kids and I through psych evals, custody evaluations, parenting coordinators, anything he could think of to keep me from earning a living, depleting assets and controlling & terrorizing me through the courts. We were in court longer than we were married. I ultimately prevailed and the kids are now thriving, but we went through years of hell.
DeleteThe NFL tried to sweep it under the rug, he originally got a slap on the wrist. Good on TMZ for publishing the "rest of the story". I don't care what she said or did, no man beats a woman unconscious then drags her body off an elevator.
ReplyDeleteThis woman needs counselling, a ton of it, and she needs a good divorce lawyer/bodyguard because I guarantee this wasn't the first time and it won't be the last.
Thanks for posting this, Gryphen. This cycle of abuse has to be broken, and it takes education and compassion to let people know it isn't right nor acceptable.
I couldn't believe he was just dragging her off the elevator! At least he went back for her shoes--how gracious and thoughtful of him--what a POS.
DeleteWhat was he expecting to do, throw her over his shoulder and just haul her out like a rug? Or slide her on the floor like she was a mop?
How sick!
Me either. I guess we are God now. Can watch people on many cameras and what they really do. It is just caveman back in the stone age. Drag the women in the cave. So irrational.
Delete"First what kind of a man hits the woman he "loves" that fucking hard? Or at all even?
ReplyDeleteAnd second what kind of woman marries the man that does something like that to her?"
I don't believe that any man who treats a woman that way loves her or loves anyone else for that matter. IMO, he's a narcissistic sociopath who thinks he has the right to treat his wife, girlfriend or kids any way he wants to because he and only he is important. You can listen to the excuses: "she made me mad", "she shouldn't have done this or done that". Victim blaming that the woman frequently buys into. I don't have any faith in rehabilitating a man like that.
As for why would the woman stay in that situation? IMO it's because the woman doesn't think she should be treated any better. Or she thinks the next man will treat her the same way so it's a matter of stay with the horror you know rather than ending up with a new sort of horror. Somewhere back down the line she's been taught that she deserves abuse. I think her attitude can change with good counseling. Sometimes. There's also the thing that the woman is scared - scared to stay in it and scared to try to get out. If there're kids involved, she probably knows that the man will get unsupervised visitation and she won't be around to protect the kids during his visitation.
I remember a case in Texas many years ago where a man was convicted of domestic violence and sex abuse - I think it was rape - got out of prison, the courts returned his visitation rights, he took their two little girls a couple of hundred miles away, called the mother and said "I'm going to shoot them both and I want you to hear it". He then shot and killed both children with their mother on the phone. I can't remember the rest of the story - it was about 30 or 35 years ago.
I can't emphasize this enough: When he got out of prison, the court gave him the right to have unsupervised visitation. Every mother who had a violent man in her life and who heard that story knew that the law wouldn't really help them...or their children.
As the Ray Rice story unfolded, the victim was just as guilty as Ray was in the eyes of the police and the eyes of the NFL. Look at the video of her beaten down demeanor while she sat next to him and apologized for her part. She might as well have said "I'm sorry I made him mad. I knew better than to make him mad. I made a mistake".
American sports fans treat the violent, narcissistic thug athletes as if they're gods from the time they're young teenagers. Of course Rice felt entitled to behave however he liked--he's been praised for exactly that since he was young.
DeleteThe case you cite was the Battaglia case, and the mother had left him and was trying to protect her children, but the courts failed her. This happens more than you think. You're close to the market on much of your statement, but please don't chalk up why women stay to low self-worth/self-esteem. That is never the total answer to "why does she stay". I wish we would stop asking that question and simply focus on "why does he abuse his partner?"
DeleteUnless you work for Fox, in which case the significant part is that they got married after thus assault, and the video teaches us to use the stairs next time...
ReplyDeleteSeriously! Have you seen the fox clip?
For those of you blaming the victim or not understanding why she stayed, (Gryphen) take a look at this site.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.acadv.org/cofv_wheel.html
Here's another educational site.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.domesticviolence.org/violence-wheel/
The closest I've ever come to striking a women was to catch the foot of a young lady trying to kick me in the nuts. When I did that it caused her to lose her balance and to fall on to her wrist breaking it. I paid for her medical cost to have it x-rayed and to have it put into a cast, but looking back I don't think I was even obligated to do that. I was then married to a woman for 13 years who according to a psychologist had some serious mental problems she brought into our married that I hadn't noticed when I married her. Despite the constant feeling of always walking on egg shells so I wouldn't get her more depressed, I somehow managed to get through 13 years without even threatening to strike her.
ReplyDeleteI'm now married to a very out spoken women who I think if I ever got violent with her she would beat the hell out of me, not me beating the hell out of her. To put the icing on the cake, she has even mentioned that she would do just that.
Although I might be a wimp, I'm proud of the fact I would never strike a woman and can never see why that would ever be necessary.
The violence is horrible. Horrible.
ReplyDeleteI did notice (as an aside, which I found both interesting and was glad to see):
1) The hotel guy was right there after the door opened. This tells me they must have someone watching those video feeds which is a good idea.
2) The hotel person stood holding the elevator door open. This preserves the evidence in the elevator and also keeps the video recording the scene just outside the door. Both good things if you want evidence to prove and convict.
Abuse on the part of victims is very complex psychologically and sociologically (and sometimes financially) which makes it hard for them to break away without help and counseling.
Abusers know they are beating on someone and are bullies. Yes, they need counseling, too, but they should be held to pay for their abuse same as any other violent criminal, including time in prison if it comes to that.
His defense is probable going to be traumatic brain injury from playing football.
ReplyDeleteO/T When is the NFL going to start paying their fair share of taxes?
No kidding. We normal, haha normal, citizens making money pay like 28% taxes. We need to vote out the people allowing 1% taxes that the rich are paying. It just does not make sense. We have to do something.
Delete"And second what kind of woman marries the man that does something like that to her?
ReplyDeleteIs it just the money?"
Jesus Christ. You're better than that, Gryphen. My jaw dropped when I read that because you're normally so supportive of women and women's rights. But this kind of question belies a misunderstanding of domestic violence so great that it's completely compatible with those who blame rape victims for their attack because of the clothing they wore. Please don't perpetuate the misogyny that enables these horrific scenes by placing some of the responsibility on the victim.
It may be difficult for rational people to look at the situation and understand why she stayed, but it's never as simple as it looks. There are numerous psychological reasons why women stay in relationships like these, none of which have anything to do with money. I would go so far as to say that it would be highly unusual for a woman in this situation to stay solely because of the money.
I'm sorry so are you saying that it is preferable to suggest that she was mentally unstable, or suffered from a victim mentality then to suggest that perhaps she stayed because of the lifestyle that she hoped that he could provide?
DeleteSomebody does to you what he did to her, and you fucking leave his ass. End of story.
There is no rational excuse not to.
Whoa, Gryphen. Did you not read the posts in this thread from those who work with abused women? It is NOT that simple as "leaving his ass," and I too am surprised at you for stating that it is.
DeleteAbusers play their victims like violins. And in our society, women are raised to be victimized. Unlike men, we're wired, first of all, to believe that it's always our fault, whether it is or not. And then the powerful, by and large male-run, organizations - government, law enforcement, business, religion, universities - that essentially have control over our fates ceaselessly reinforce our second class status. Men are the default gender. Women are always, always, ALWAYS on sufference.
You don't know what it's like to be considered that "alien" in your own society, because as a member of the power sex, you can't know. YOU would just leave, and you can't understand why this woman didn't. But she is NOT you, and her life, both internal and external, is not your life.
Yes, of course, women do numbers on men too. I'm not saying they don't. You can be a member of the power sex without personally having any power, and vice versa. But domestic abuse is far more prevalent against women, by men, than it is the other way around, and if just leaving were that simple, it's rather hard to see why it wasn't more regularly and frequently accomplished.
WOW Gryphen you are not as smart as you think you are if you think a woman can walk away from domestic violence.
DeleteI suppose many do the first time and we never hear of them because the remove themselves from the relationship. But men capable of domestic violence pick the women carefully, they first isolate them and make sure they have no friends to go to when things get bad.
Wonder if he threatened to kill her if she left. Men that do this can be very convincing that they will never do it again. Thinking you are in love, wanting it to be true, slowly being groomed and isolated.
She is also up against the NFL machine and all the Raven fans that would hate her for "causing him to be fired".
Today I have lost a little bit of respect for you. smh
I agree with G 100%. she is there for the money. she sure wasn't a submissive, docile type of person.
DeleteFrom the beginning of the vid you can see her touching and poking rice's face. She continues to taunt him as they walk towards the elevator.
This is where the story should have ended. he should had walked away from her touching and taunting. he should had left her drunk(?) ass, barefooted ass right in the street. But no they both get in the elevator.
As they entered the elevator at first rice looks cool and calm, and it's obvious she continues to be in rice's face. The doors closed, she comes closer to rice and WAM! he clocks her in her face. he thought he was doing his dirt in private. Well that's what I thought until I saw the way he dragged her listless body (dead looking) from the elevator. It was uncaring and rough. Matter of fact it's his indifference to his fiancee's knocked-out body which was also startling. his actions looked like the insufferable witch lugging around trig, her gift (grift) from (her) god.
she had the means to walk away especially with her attitude. It was his fault when he could had walked away from her provocation.
Hi, this is Anon at 8:26pm. Gryphen replied to me:
Delete"I'm sorry so are you saying that it is preferable to suggest that she was mentally unstable, or suffered from a victim mentality then to suggest that perhaps she stayed because of the lifestyle that she hoped that he could provide?
Somebody does to you what he did to her, and you fucking leave his ass. End of story.
There is no rational excuse not to."
No, I'm not saying it's preferable for people to claim that she's crazy, rather than that she stays for the money. I'm saying that neither judgment should be made because: 1- it places blame on the victim, 2- it's not a decision that's made with a clear head, and 3- domestic violence doesn't work like that and it's disgusting to suggest that it does (it occurs in every SES). There is a very real psychological impact that comes with abuse, particularly long-term abuse from a partner. These women are groomed to accept the violence in much the same way children are groomed to stay silent about sex abuse. Would you blame the kids for not speaking up? Please read up on domestic violence and how it impacts every aspect of the victim's life. These women are often dependent on their abusers in every way because the abuser works over the span of years to cut the victim off from their family, from normal social circles, from financial independence, etc.
Every woman I've ever discussed this with has said that they absolutely would have left if the abuse began with a punch. It doesn't, and to suggest that it's as simple as "Somebody does to you what he did to her, and you fucking leave his ass" is to blame the victim of horrific mental and physical abuse for not finding the inner strength, financial means, and physical opportunity to leave. The most dangerous day in a victim of domestic violence's life is the day she leaves. Your very black and white understanding of domestic violence assumes a victim who hasn't been systematically groomed to accept ever-increasing levels of violence, who has the emotional and financial means to leave, who has a support system to turn to, and who believes she deserves to live without violence. That's a pretty small group of people because abusers don't start out with a punch that knocks the victim unconscious. If it did, the women would, of course, leave!
I don't often disagree with you, but you're dead wrong on this. Please look into the issue some so that you'll have a better understanding of what these women go through and how it is they could stay or even defend their abuser. I know that if you do some research, you'll see why the questions you asked were so offensive and inappropriate, and I'd put money on you never asking them again. You're a bright guy with a track record for standing up for the most vulnerable, please don't take a detour when it comes to domestic violence.
Thank you, Anonymous 8:35 AM and 8:26 PM--from Anonymous 8:40 AM (comment toward the top of the thread).
DeleteAs a formerly abused woman, I claim expertise on this subject and you've addressed the concerns so well.
The abuse, both physical and verbal, does not happen overnight. Rather, the abuser gains the trust of the victim and her love. And those vows--love, honor and obey have programmed so many women to accept horrible behavior and hope, unrealistically, that if they just love their man enough, someday he will be his best self.
We live in such a paternalistic society that most men are oblivious to how much privilege and respect they are accorded. I'm 61 and it's different now, but as a young woman, men were astonished that I pumped my own gas (this was when self-service stations were just beginning). They were incredulous when I had anything insightful or intelligent to add to an intellectual discussion and often talked over me.
I didn't have that experience in college, where my opinions were respected, rather it was in the working world and "polite society". Women of my era were accustomed to being overlooked, "little lady-ed"--where our utterances were looked upon as cute, ignorant and were summarily dismissed.
Things have changed, but not as much as I would have hoped. Women are still underrepresented in elective office. Think about it--we still haven't had a female president. Countries such as India, the Philippines, Brazil, Pakistan and England have, for decades, elected female leaders.
And Gryphen, it's time for you to study up on domestic violence. I know you've helped women train in self-defense, but you need to be more informed on the insidious ways that men manipulate and undermine women.
It is truly terrifying to break free from someone who threatens to kill you (or themselves), or your children, or your pets, or burn down your house, when you have no family, no friends (because he's alienated all of them), no money.
I finally got out because I got to a point where I didn't give a fuck. I told myself if he ever physically abused me again, or if he cheated again, I was out, no matter what.
When the time came, I realized that I was choosing either freedom or a slow suicide and I opted for freedom, no matter what it cost me. And I'm glad I did.
anon 8:35 excellently and intelligently said. THANK YOU!!!
DeleteGryphen, It is because I think you are a champion of women I urge you to do more research on "why does she stay". I too was saddened to read what you said "...it must be the money..." I am a formerly abused woman too, and am now a domestic violence advocate. Like another woman stated above, this stuff doesn't happen overnight. It is a long psychological process of breaking down the victim, and entangling her in ways that make it hard to leave--children, economics, fear, citizenship. Abusers often threaten to take or harm the victims children, pets, extended family members. They also threaten to make sure they see them penniless and homeless. These are just some of the reasons. And believe me, they act on their threats and are often successful. My abuser is local retail store owner who managed to convince all kinds of people that I was crazy and unfit to parent my children. He took our house, my retirement, and nearly got the kids. Please study up.
Deleteshe's a little disgusting on how she didn't use her rights. This girl needs to stand up. But she won't, because she's been paid off.
ReplyDeleteYou obviously do not have the slightest idea of the dynamics of domestic violence. Your comment is ignorant and unfounded.
DeleteSo let me get this right, she's not victim but a whore? Nice misogyny Anonymous1:13 AM Single?
DeleteWe should not judge her. SHE is the victim.
ReplyDeleteI admit,i figured she married him for the money.....but I dont know her and will not judge the VICTIM..
That being said, I was disturbed by his reaction after. He drags her on the floor, her backside is out and he doesnt even have the decency to pull her dress down, he nudgrs/kicks with her foot....ick
The problem is they are still married, and now that Ray does not have a job, how will that help her? The NFL and Ravens are responsible for what will happen to her. How are they helping her? Did they give her half of his salary? Or a possible death sentence? The reality is football is a very violent, barbaric game which we love to watch. All the brain injuries alone are enough to ban the sport or radically change it, but there have been only minor changes to protect the highest paid stars.
ReplyDeleteLonger Ray Rice Elevator Video Features Obscenities, Spitting
ReplyDeletehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/09/ray-rice-video_n_5789752.html
An extended video shows him spitting on her and worse.
ReplyDeleteNFL "Star Affluenza!"
ReplyDeleteA few of the nation's "Women's Service Center's" dedicated to preventing and helping victims of domestic abuse have been holding fund raising - awareness events called, "Walk A Mile In My Shoes." These events provide high heel shoes in various sizes and invite local, male pols, police, firemen, sports teams and citizens to walk a mile on the town's main street in high heel shoes. Local bands play and it is a fun event for a very serious issue and cause.
ReplyDeleteDamn, this woman is really, really in need of help to defend her abusive spouse. Wow.
ReplyDeleteJanay Rice Slams Media For 'Horrible Nightmare' Following Video Release
http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/janay-rice-instagram-elevator-video
http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/ap-reviews-longer-high-quality-ray-rice-video
What a pig.
ReplyDeleteThat wife is nuts. But then again my mother was the same way, always quiet. I will never understand it even coming from a home like that. I have not followed in those foot steps.
ReplyDeleteNow he has nothing and will blame her. I would be worried for my life if I was this woman...
ReplyDeleteNo children involved, right? I say leave this couple the fuck alone.
ReplyDeleteThey have a daughter together
DeleteThat scene is just so horrible. Just put this guy in jail already. What about Human Rights?
ReplyDeleteThank you Mr. Levin!
ReplyDeleteThat KO segment made me miss his show so bad! Bring back Keith!
ReplyDeleteJanay Rice's statement today is so sad. She's following a well-worn path of accepting the blame herself as well as trying to blame someone besides Ray Rice by blaming the media. Blaming anything and anyone except the man who slugged her.
ReplyDeletePoor Ray, he was taunted so now he's lost his position in the NFL and his lucrative contract with Nike.
There's several comments on here today that completely understand what a woman goes through when she's in an abusive relationship. Thank you to all of you. Thank you.
To those of you who say "she's in it for the money", I think you're so wrong. I keep hearing the statistics that 1 in 4 women will be abused. That would be how many millions of women? Those millions aren't ALL "in it for money", maybe some but not all. Probably the vast majority met and fell in love with Mr. Right when he didn't have a dime and many millions probably still don't have any real money. Physical abuse cuts across all levels of our society.
We readily recognize PTSD that those in the military suffer. Very few recognize that abused women AND children can suffer from PTSD too because of physical abuse at the hands of someone who "loves" them.
Gryphen, I'm glad you opened up this subject on IM.
It is easy to diagnose from a distance. it is surreal hell to go through it. Yes, I stayed after he hit me. Because, in front of the world, he was the best husband ever. He only became a monster when we were alone. It was too bizarre to be real.
ReplyDeleteNo one will ever do that to me again. Yes, they've tried. Yes, I took them down. Yes, I know how to spot them early now.
Gryphen, until you walked a mile in my shoes, dispense with judgement. She is not at fault.