Morality is not determined by the church you attend nor the faith you embrace. It is determined by the quality of your character and the positive impact you have on those you meet along your journey
Sunday, January 04, 2015
Parenting like a boss.
Hopefully somewhere there is a father, or mother, telling their little boy how to respect women and helping him grow up to be the kind of man that this little girl deserves.
I don't agree with teaching girls that they are going need someone to open doors, be entitled, or be seated first on a bus, or have preferential treatment over boys in nearly all cases.
I never had girls (had two boys, and raised them as a single dad).
If I had a girl, I would teach her first and foremost that she is loved, strong, smart, beautiful, and capable of anything at all.
I would have included her in everything I did with the boys, including fixing the trucks, working in the wood shop, gathering firewood, fishing, building tree houses and forts, using tools, and camping in the wilderness
I think men do no favors setting up their girls to be a special, privileged, pampered, pedestal dwelling icon of male reverence and desire.
We don't need princesses and queens, we need strong, independent, accomplished, educated, visionary women who know in their bones that they can have any destiny, any career, or any future they want, and it's not based on their gender, and most importantly, that they don't *need* a man to prop them up.
That breeding of entitlement is concomitant with most religious doctrine, and does no one any favors.
We don't need entitled women who want to use their gender as the source of their status, their future, or place in the world.
Teaching girls to be strong, independent, critical thinkers, explorers, and capable of anything at a young age is the best gift anyone can give their girls, and their boys.
AJ, I agree with you totally about raising strong, independent women.
Sadly (I'm about to make this about race). As much as women in general are objectified and are also being bludgeoned in America right now, African American women have been bludgeoned from the beginning. The "Queen" language in much of African American culture just means---you deserve your place in society. It is not a given you see. We are not always given the same basic niceties that white women enjoy.
Michelle Obama as a First Lady has been called a baby mama and all kinds of derogatory misogynistic names. How do you think the rest of us black women fare on the scale on a daily basis? Believe me----not well. I walk in my female black skin everyday and sometimes I want to slap the world for stupidity.
So when this father tells his daughter she is a queen-----let her grow up believing it as she is walking down the aisle to get her first degree. And you must know----being a queen does not preclude you from being a fabulous, strong, independent woman. Actually, some of the first of these women--were queens.
AJ, I understand your sentiment. However, in the black community chivalric honor is very important. You can teach a girl that she can burst through every door herself- but when a man is with her, he should OFFER to open it. (I'm speaking metaphorically and literally)
This new generation of black dads interested in daughters is going to spring forth the most well rounded, confident, incredible black women we have ever seen!
(As a black person who dealt with many absentee fathers in the family, I'm thrilled by this)
The bottom line is something we can all ascribe to- we all want our children to be happy, loved, and respected. And they lived happily ever after!
I agree. I can't stand it when little girls are told they are princesses. What a horrible entitled attitude to foster. I realize it is done with the best intentions but I believe it is harmful. I try to undo that every chance I get with my niece. Instead of telling her she is pretty, I tell her she is smart, sweet. If I must comment on appearance I say she is beautiful. Beautiful is more than physical.
I raised both sons & a daughter. I am sure there were double standards both ways, but I tried really hard to instill the exact same Morals & values in both. My sons were taught that you don't "score" girls. My daughter learned to change the oil & tires on her jeep.
I agree! IM posters are becoming more like c4per's. We are better than that. It is great fun to pounce on Palins over specific rants, but geez, don't you have anything adult to bring to this particular conversation?
This went viral from a hip hop site. Totally at odds with the misogyny in the other videos there. There is a disconnect between how men might see their daughters and how they view women in general ..... Or so it appears. That needs to change. And the whole princess thing.
You're right Anon at 7:15 and it crosses ALL racial lines. How many times have you seen or heard white men make derogatory statements to women and wonder what they'd do if some one said it to their mother, sister or daughter.
Agreed. I was not saying it was within the African American community only. I do however see it rampant in hip hop music. You grow up seeing that in the music you love and it goes against this message a girl might hear from her dad and has to affect how boys treat women when they grow up. Huge disconnect
Please don't comment on the "African American community" unless you're educated about all aspects of the black community. We're real people living in these communities who are raising our children, working hard, and paying our bills like everyone else. People tend to forget that we're not here as some social experiment to be vilified and picked apart. As I recall, white parents weren't too thrilled with Elvis Presley back in the day. Black people are no more or less susceptible to lyrics and other cultural activities as anyone else.
The princess/queen thing made me cringe, too, but I took hope in the fact that this man is telling his daughters that he loves them and will always be there for them, and that they deserve to be treated well. His little daughter has heard all this before. He not only pays attention to his children (he's no oblivious daddy!), but he pays *positive* attention to them. Also notice his daughter is clean and well-groomed.
So good to see dads teaching daughters to not settle for less, that they deserve the world. Willow has said herself that they were all raised like that, high standards, and despite mistakes, they won't settle for shit.
We raised both and didn't go this route with any of them, especially our girls. We didn't want "beauty" nor "social standing" to be barometers for self esteem. The girls got toy tool boxes and imitated daddy the handyman wannabe, our son played with gender neutral toys along with girls toys. Most of all, we wanted them to value their brains, abilities to work things through on their own and to accept themselves the way they are. They learned the proper words for private parts and learned to "find the helpers" (h.t Mr Rogers). All learned self discipline with martial arts and they learned to respect what knowing how to defend yourself with your hands carries a degree of responsibility. We were into imaginative play, anything except thrones and tea parties and tiaras.
While its very sweet that the dad wants his little girl to expect to be loved, honored and respected, I, too cringe at the princess/queen/prince/king crapolo and videoing this little girl to parrot what daddy wants. I also belive kids should be kept off the internet. It is not safe to have their images out there for the public. I raised sons and daughters and entirely rejected the whole fairy tale-Disney stuff. I raised smart, independent kids that do not have rose colored glasses on in terms of relationships. They know how to expect, receive and give respect. A relative-in-law, on the other hand was sheltered by her parents, can not hold a conversation about anything but movies, TV and Disney princesses, and nabbed her husband by picking him out at age 16 on Facebook without knowing anything about him. She wanted to be married and picked the first person she thought was similar to daddy. I hope it works out, but she's in for a rude surprise. Her parents did her no favors with the fairy tale lines.
Isn't it sad we have to hope for something like your wish, Gryphen?
ReplyDeleteGee, I wonder where that misogynistic attitude comes from? (Snark!)
it is sad that there are too many hate liberal bloggers who weren't taught civility
DeleteAdorbz!
ReplyDeleteI don't agree with teaching girls that they are going need someone to open doors, be entitled, or be seated first on a bus, or have preferential treatment over boys in nearly all cases.
ReplyDeleteI never had girls (had two boys, and raised them as a single dad).
If I had a girl, I would teach her first and foremost that she is loved, strong, smart, beautiful, and capable of anything at all.
I would have included her in everything I did with the boys, including fixing the trucks, working in the wood shop, gathering firewood, fishing, building tree houses and forts, using tools, and camping in the wilderness
I think men do no favors setting up their girls to be a special, privileged, pampered, pedestal dwelling icon of male reverence and desire.
We don't need princesses and queens, we need strong, independent, accomplished, educated, visionary women who know in their bones that they can have any destiny, any career, or any future they want, and it's not based on their gender, and most importantly, that they don't *need* a man to prop them up.
That breeding of entitlement is concomitant with most religious doctrine, and does no one any favors.
We don't need entitled women who want to use their gender as the source of their status, their future, or place in the world.
Teaching girls to be strong, independent, critical thinkers, explorers, and capable of anything at a young age is the best gift anyone can give their girls, and their boys.
I'm in agreement with AJ.
DeleteAJ, I agree with you totally about raising strong, independent women.
DeleteSadly (I'm about to make this about race). As much as women in general are objectified and are also being bludgeoned in America right now, African American women have been bludgeoned from the beginning. The "Queen" language in much of African American culture just means---you deserve your place in society. It is not a given you see. We are not always given the same basic niceties that white women enjoy.
Michelle Obama as a First Lady has been called a baby mama and all kinds of derogatory misogynistic names. How do you think the rest of us black women fare on the scale on a daily basis? Believe me----not well. I walk in my female black skin everyday and sometimes I want to slap the world for stupidity.
So when this father tells his daughter she is a queen-----let her grow up believing it as she is walking down the aisle to get her first degree. And you must know----being a queen does not preclude you from being a fabulous, strong, independent woman. Actually, some of the first of these women--were queens.
Namaste.
AJ, I understand your sentiment. However, in the black community chivalric honor is very important. You can teach a girl that she can burst through every door herself- but when a man is with her, he should OFFER to open it. (I'm speaking metaphorically and literally)
DeleteThis new generation of black dads interested in daughters is going to spring forth the most well rounded, confident, incredible black women we have ever seen!
(As a black person who dealt with many absentee fathers in the family, I'm thrilled by this)
The bottom line is something we can all ascribe to- we all want our children to be happy, loved, and respected. And they lived happily ever after!
I agree. I can't stand it when little girls are told they are princesses. What a horrible entitled attitude to foster. I realize it is done with the best intentions but I believe it is harmful. I try to undo that every chance I get with my niece. Instead of telling her she is pretty, I tell her she is smart, sweet. If I must comment on appearance I say she is beautiful. Beautiful is more than physical.
DeleteI raised both sons & a daughter. I am sure there were double standards both ways, but I tried really hard to instill the exact same Morals & values in both. My sons were taught that you don't "score" girls. My daughter learned to change the oil & tires on her jeep.
DeleteAnother video?
ReplyDeleteTodd, "what are you going to be when you grow up?"
Bristol, "a slut."
Anonymous 4:58: parent: What are you going to be when you grow up?
DeleteAnon's parent: "A slanderer"
I Can't stand the Palin's but stop with the misogynistic slut shaming of the Palin girls. It's disgusting. You are as bad as Sarah.
ReplyDeleteI agree! IM posters are becoming more like c4per's. We are better than that. It is great fun to pounce on Palins over specific rants, but geez, don't you have anything adult to bring to this particular conversation?
Deleteagreed. the slander here is BAD. And that is in no way like c4p. They don't shame democrats and lie about them as people like people here do
DeleteIt's an insult to real sluts
DeleteThis went viral from a hip hop site. Totally at odds with the misogyny in the other videos there. There is a disconnect between how men might see their daughters and how they view women in general ..... Or so it appears. That needs to change. And the whole princess thing.
ReplyDeleteYou're right Anon at 7:15 and it crosses ALL racial lines. How many times have you seen or heard white men make derogatory statements to women and wonder what they'd do if some one said it to their mother, sister or daughter.
ReplyDeleteAgreed. I was not saying it was within the African American community only. I do however see it rampant in hip hop music. You grow up seeing that in the music you love and it goes against this message a girl might hear from her dad and has to affect how boys treat women when they grow up. Huge disconnect
DeletePlease don't comment on the "African American community" unless you're educated about all aspects of the black community. We're real people living in these communities who are raising our children, working hard, and paying our bills like everyone else. People tend to forget that we're not here as some social experiment to be vilified and picked apart. As I recall, white parents weren't too thrilled with Elvis Presley back in the day. Black people are no more or less susceptible to lyrics and other cultural activities as anyone else.
DeleteThe princess/queen thing made me cringe, too, but I took hope in the fact that this man is telling his daughters that he loves them and will always be there for them, and that they deserve to be treated well. His little daughter has heard all this before. He not only pays attention to his children (he's no oblivious daddy!), but he pays *positive* attention to them. Also notice his daughter is clean and well-groomed.
ReplyDeleteSo good to see dads teaching daughters to not settle for less, that they deserve the world. Willow has said herself that they were all raised like that, high standards, and despite mistakes, they won't settle for shit.
DeleteDaddy-daughter purity dance coming up next. She's a baby, not a parrot.
ReplyDeleteWe raised both and didn't go this route with any of them, especially our girls. We didn't want "beauty" nor "social standing" to be barometers for self esteem. The girls got toy tool boxes and imitated daddy the handyman wannabe, our son played with gender neutral toys along with girls toys. Most of all, we wanted them to value their brains, abilities to work things through on their own and to accept themselves the way they are. They learned the proper words for private parts and learned to "find the helpers" (h.t Mr Rogers). All learned self discipline with martial arts and they learned to respect what knowing how to defend yourself with your hands carries a degree of responsibility.
ReplyDeleteWe were into imaginative play, anything except thrones and tea parties and tiaras.
While its very sweet that the dad wants his little girl to expect to be loved, honored and respected, I, too cringe at the princess/queen/prince/king crapolo and videoing this little girl to parrot what daddy wants. I also belive kids should be kept off the internet. It is not safe to have their images out there for the public. I raised sons and daughters and entirely rejected the whole fairy tale-Disney stuff. I raised smart, independent kids that do not have rose colored glasses on in terms of relationships. They know how to expect, receive and give respect. A relative-in-law, on the other hand was sheltered by her parents, can not hold a conversation about anything but movies, TV and Disney princesses, and nabbed her husband by picking him out at age 16 on Facebook without knowing anything about him. She wanted to be married and picked the first person she thought was similar to daddy. I hope it works out, but she's in for a rude surprise. Her parents did her no favors with the fairy tale lines.
ReplyDelete