Apparently Sarah Palin gave a speech in Texas this morning. You know, same shit different longhorn.

I love how this Forbes article set up how they were going to share bits of the speech: 

It can be challenging to parse Palin’s core message from within her slap-dash stream of consciousness rhetorical style. There was no teleprompter today, so it helped that her presentation was moderated in the form of a Q&A, which sort of kept her on topic. Is that unkind? Well she’s used to it. “You can’t be afraid to stand up to the press,” she said today. “Look at the Brian Williams stuff. They lie.” Fittingly, within the cavernous hall at the Hilton Americas where she spoke, a handful of reporters was sequestered in a corner as far away from the stage as possible. No recording devices allowed, but I type pretty fast. 

In the interest of sharing with you what Palin was trying to say, I’ve sought here to distill and edit down her disjointed message into a more coherent whole. So here goes. Try hearing her voice as you read it.

With that the reporter, Chris Helman, offers up a number of snack size sound bites for our amusement:

“Energy is my baby. The thing that I miss most about my governing responsibilities is to be able to spur investment in exploration and development.”

Well it IS reminiscent of her relationship with Trig, in that she has no idea what it is, how it works, or what it needs to be successful

My husband Todd started off with BP on the North Slope of Alaska. “We raised our kids with that North Slope lifestyle. Thank you so much for paying my bills for many years.”

Considering how her children turned out that seems like more of an indictment against BP more than anything else.  

“The president is not for American energy independence.” If he were he wouldn’t be trying to lock up the Alaska National Wildlife Refuge. That’s “20 million more acres he wants to lock up from development.” 

Obama wants to balance that out by opening up some waters off the Eastern seaboard to oil exploration. But “that’s a bogus exchange.” 

“All we need to explore and develop ANWR is a 2,000 acre swath. Alaska is 400 million acres when you consider our water and land. A postage stamp in the middle of a football field. That’s all the land we need to develop.”

Okay that 2,000 acres only includes the area where the drilling will occur. There are still thousands of acres that will be impacted by moving in equipment and building pipelines. And that does not even take into consideration what will happen in the case of a spill.

And if we have learned nothing else from building the Alaska pipeline, it is that leaks and spills are unavoidable.

And simply put the LAST thing our environment needs is more oil being pulled out of the ground.

And what about the impact that the oil exploration might have on the wildlife?

Oh she has an answer for that I see.

“The administration is not understanding the inherent link between energy and security and energy and prosperity. He’s rewarding the environmentalists who are extreme in saying there would be environmental harm in developing ANWR.” They worry about the impact on the “moose and caribou.” Well we’ve had the Trans-Alaska Pipeline for decades, and that “pipeline has not been adverse at all.” 

On the contrary, “the animals like the warmth” that the pipeline gives off. “The animals mate under the pipeline. I haven’t actually seen it” but that’s what I’m told. If oil and gas development is risky to wildlife, “if it is to hurt one caribou, then that one caribou should take one for the team and allow the rest of the country to benefit.” 

"Take one for the team?" She does recognize that caribou do not exactly consider themselves to be part of our team doesn't she?

Concerning the presidential race in 2016: 

“I can’t wait for 2016. That election I can see from my house. I hope for a GOP candidate who understands energy and understands infrastructure.” 

“Hillary Clinton will be the Democrat candidate because she has the money.” After her, it’s a “shallow bench.” Is there any chance a dark horse could emerge to challenge her? “Not really, because of the money. Hillary Clinton will seize the opportunity to collect those funds. Hillary is it.”

Well we agree on that last part at least.

And of course the obligatory question that always has to be asked of this nitwit:

Is Sarah Palin considering a run?  

“I’m so sorry you asked that. It’s “just too early.” But “a lot can change.” 

She's sorry they asked her? She would literally curl up in a ball and die if people stopped asking her that question.

Palin then goes on to casually attack the President and then give her clearly prepared remarks on Saudi Arabia, Russia, and the Middle East.  (Remember she had the questions submitted before this appearance so that she would have prepared responses.)

Palin ends her remarks by blowing kisses at the military.

“Freedom isn’t free. You have to fight for it.” That’s why I support the U.S. military. “They are America’s true heroes.” 

I still have trouble understanding how slaughtering people in a foreign land makes America free.

So there were no huge Iowa sized gaffes in this speech, which I am sure is why they insisted on getting the questions with enough time to prepare reasonably intelligent answers ahead of time.

It appears, at least initially that Palin stuck to the script and clicked the safety on the verbal salad shooter.

But really, how long can that last?