Courtesy of People:
“Donald Trump is really going to be the next president,” said Colbert, 52. “For a while I was poking myself with a straight pin to try to wake up from this, but now I just keep doing it to feel something. It’s so real that Trump is now receiving the classified daily intelligence briefing known as ‘the book,’ making it the only book he owns that doesn’t have his picture on it.”
“Today the transfer of power began when President Obama hosted Trump at the White House for the most surprising remake of Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner,” he quipped, before launching into a lengthy analysis of how uncomfortable the sit-down between the two men might have been.
“Can you imagine? Just put yourself in room, in that private room when they were together. Can you imagine? Awkward!” said Colbert. “The first African-American president sitting down with a president-elect who was endorsed by the Klan. A guy who spent five years, created his political career, demanding Obama prove where he was born, then denying he did it.”
“What did they talk about? What was the tour like?” continued Colbert. ” ‘Alright, Donald, this is the Blue Room. This is the Red Room. Down that hall is the office I said you were fundamentally unfit for.’ ”
I think my favorite part of this monologue was when Colbert got to Trump's possible cabinet choices.
Which include Donald Trump Jr., Rudy Giuliani, Newt Gingrich, Sid Miller (Who referred to Hillary Clinton on Twitter as a c*nt.), Ben Carson (For Education Secretary no less.), and of course....Sarah Palin.
That last inclusion sparked an incredibly humorous imitation of Snowdrift Snooki:
"How's that hopey changey stuff going? Drill baby drill. Forget about Yosemite Park, Yosemite Sam, Uncle Sam, Sam I Am, don't go bugging tree hugging bloggers, cause I'm calling the loggers. Fracking Old Faithful, you're going to be grateful, executions in sports stadiums, arrest your enemies, tie a typewriter around his neck, what the heck? Shoot'em he's gettin' away. Tag, Trig, Tripp, Knick Knack paddywhack, Tick Tock out of wedlock, give a dog a bone. ET phone home, snowmachine."
You know after eight years of transcribing Sarah Palin's speeches and interviews, I would say that Colbert nailed it. My only criticism is that it might have made a little TOO much sense.
I would suggest that something about this election has really brought out the best in Stephen Colbert, and currently he is running neck and neck with my current comedy crush Samantha Bee, as the very best commentators on these the end days.
Of course to be fair tonight Bill Maher gets to weigh in, and I would imagine that he has quite a bit to say about all of this as well.