Under the mismanagement of former chairman Michael Steele, the Republican National Committee racked up a staggering $23 million debt thanks to lavish spending and poor fundraising. But new chairman Reince Priebus has a brilliant idea to save his ailing party: sell the Gipper. Capitalizing on the 100th anniversary of President Reagan’s birth, the RNC launched a website that looks like it was designed in the Great Communicator’s era, which offers red-blooded conservatives a chance to fork over $400 for a framed photo of Reagan’s inauguration, $25 for a Reagan bobble head, or $25 for some jelly beans.
Well I for one think it is an amazing likeness of the "Gipper." Seriously, it looks just as human like and conscious as the real thing.
Now look I know what the "haters" are going to say. They are going to cry that this is reducing the Reagan legacy to a bunch of spring headed dolls and "Made in China" bumper stickers. That this is nothing more than capitalistic necrophilia. And that objectifying their Republican icon will diminish him in the eyes of history.
Obviously all of that is true.
However what else is the GOP to do? They are stone cold broke, they don't believe in asking for government handouts, and they don't have any marketable skills to offer this new millennium. (After all imagine how hard it is to sell sleazy dirty tricks, fear mongering, and suppression of minorities in President Obama's America?) So what real choice do they have but to prostitute themselves?
However I don't think that they realize how to fully take advantage of this tactic.
Why stop at pimping out Reagan's image and memory?
There are so many GOP or Right Wing icons they could also exploit. Such as the Richard Nixon lie detector test to separate your friends from your enemies (And then of course put them on a list). Or the John Boehner signature handkerchiefs for leaky eyes, or wiping away excess "Spray on Tan."
How about the Glenn Beck safety helmet for that "special" someone who sometimes falls down the stairs or wanders out into oncoming traffic. And, of course, the Sarah Palin sex doll. (Now with a sexual mood modulator so you can adjust her receptiveness anywhere from "bitterly cold scrotum shriveling banshee "all the way up to "frigid emasculating bitch." )
Just imagine how much money could be made if the GOP simply followed their natural instincts and marketed themselves, and their idols, like common flea market commodities?
Remember it only makes you feel cheap for a little while, and then you get used to it. Just ask any common street walker.
I bet Todd Palin could help you find one to ask.
Love it! And the rabid NeoRW'ers can display these highly collectible knick-knacks in the dining room breakfront right next to their treasured family heirlooms--including the made-in-China pseudo-country store trinkets from Cracker Barrel and the set of super-sized soda cups from Mickey D's.
ReplyDeleteAnd keep the Sarah Sex Doll all dressed up purty and proudly displayed in a place of honor, right next to the big-screen Tee Vee. It's just like she's livin' with ya, except for the constant screech! **shudder**
Sarah and Bristol are trademarking their names.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.politicsdaily.com/2011/02/02/protecting-the-palin-brand-sarah-and-bristol-go-for-trademark-s/
a funny:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.nerve.com/news/web/ben-greenman-makes-a-phrenology-chart-of-sarah-palins-skull
Sarah could pay back the $150 thousand the RNC spent on clothes for her and her family.
ReplyDeleteGreat Post Gryphen, thanks for the giggle. I think Jon Stewart should give you a call for some material.
ReplyDeleteI think my post got eaten... some strange error message about multiple edits or editors???
ReplyDeleteGreat post Gryphen! I love waking up to some good humor that's coated with reality! Will be sharing this on twitter and fb:)
ReplyDelete"And keep the Sarah Sex Doll all dressed up purty and proudly displayed in a place of honor, right next to the big-screen Tee Vee. It's just like she's livin' with ya, except for the constant screech! **shudder**"
ReplyDeleteSurely that, also too, can be added a la Teddy Ruxspin. Extra $ for the deeeeeluxe model, of course.
Touring the White House over the Xmas holidays I did see S.Palin bobble-head dolls for sale at the "White House Gift Shop" in Capital Mall.
ReplyDeleteCapitali$m... gotta love it!
I have a client who has a framed photo of the gipper in their bedroom. Creepy.
ReplyDeleteThey might be able to market a Boehner Baby Doll that cries real tears! And, with a turn of a dial, turns orange. A real whiner-er-winner. I had already suggested a Sarah "Real Doll," but I would suggest that it has a limited vocabulary. She can say things like: Don't retreat; reload! You betcha! Drill, baby, drill!
ReplyDeleteOOooo. You really had fun with this one, didn't you?
ReplyDeleteHa ha! That 4th from the last paragraph is pretty harsh - but funny as hell!
ReplyDeleteWell, here's something they couldn't sell:
ReplyDeleteReport: Republicans Give Up On Redefining Rape
http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2011/02/report-republicans-give-up-on-forcible-rape.php
"After pressure from women's groups, Democratic politicians and Jon Stewart, the authors of the controversial abortion bill in the House will drop language that appeared to exempt some rape victims from seeking federal help to pay for an abortion."
My generation fought long and hard to legalize abortion - if the Repugs thought we were going to take their crap lying down, well, think again stupid, white, men. Every little victory counts.
7:39- Repugs aren't expecting us to take their crap lying down.... just bending over.
ReplyDeleteI used to work for the guy. I've enough photo's and don't need to send the cash in.
ReplyDeleteFYI - Madame Twitterquitterbitter Ex gov won't be speaking at CPAC. Negotations broke down over 'scheduling' issues?
Since when? Could it be the time when a new bundle of joy arrives from a second daughter? Or... money not good enough?
We have to beat back this 100 years of Reagan nonsense. Not a single person can truthfully state their life is tangibly better because of Reagan. And don't tell me he ended the Cold War with a zippy one-liner in a speech, either.
ReplyDeleteYes, just remember probably millions of that debt are thanks to Sarah Palin, from her expensive wardrobe (and her kids...and her husband's...), to demanding the RNC pay her legal bills in exchange for her signature on fundraising letters.
ReplyDeleteBet they aren't too happy with GOPer Karl Rove either - since his group is hi-jacking the donators to his more anon. group American Crossroads.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous @ 8:58 AM -
ReplyDeleteAuthor of 7:39 AM says touche.
Wouldn't they have to get Nancy Reagan's approval for this? I've read where she isn't happy with the way the GOP has used her husbands name, likeness, and use of his name to justify actions she knew Reagan wouldn't have approved of.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason I can't see her signing off on this but if she did then so be it. Still it would be hilarious to see her sue the GOP over the Ronnie Raygun bobble head.
I think it's a great idea. The Democrats could sell bobble head Sarah, bobble head Michelle, Steele, Ryan, O'Donnell,__, ___, ___....
ReplyDeleteand the Great Pumpkin of Bobble Heads Boehner.
"How about the Glenn Beck safety helmet for that "special" someone who sometimes falls down the stairs or wanders out into oncoming traffic."
ReplyDeleteI find this pretty offensive. As the mom of an autistic child, don't use this kind of thing in a joke, especially not when kids are honestly doing things like this because they don't know better. And it's especially insulting that you'd tack Glenn Beck onto it - he's an idiot, not a special needs person with honest safety issues.