Wonkette listens to Sarah Palin Channel videos so that you don't have to. The poor bastards!

Palin from the Vales Voters Summit pretending she can read.

So as you all know I have flat refused to buy a subscription to the Sarah Palin Channel website so I have not been keeping my breasts up to date (Did I say that right?) as to how deep the moose shit is flowing over there.

But fortunately (Or unfortunately if you prefer) Dan Weber of Wonkette continues to update his Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report.

In today's report we learn that Palin does not really understand Catholicism or bears, is still pissed her candidate in Mississippi lost, and is fed up with political types grifting money from innocent people in order to provide bad advice.

Hang on, the mind numbing hypocrisy of that last statement made me a little light headed.

Okay I've recovered somewhat.

First up Palin responds to a question from one of her six subscribers about how often she gets to fondle Todd's equipment:

We have a subscriber asking, ‘Sarah, has Todd ever let you take control of the floatplane? If so, how long were you allowed to pilot it?’ Do I get to take control of his [Cessna] 185, or his Piper Super Cub? Is a bear Catholic, does the Pope live in the woods? No, not often.

Wonkette points out that this is not a live feed and therefore Palin had plenty of time to go back and change this response, but nope she wants to be unfiltered so unfiltered she remains.

Next the Wasilla Wendigo pisses and moans about her man Chris McDaniel losing in Mississippi and whose fault that was. (Here's a hint she does not think it's hers.)

These people who want the R by their name, they think that that’s how they’re gonna get elected, we need to have great discernment, find out who they are, and find alternatives to these RINOs. [...] We’re all incredibly disappointed by the, gosh, those tactics that the GOP machine, the Establishment, the Man, that they used in Mississippi against Chris McDaniel, an excellent, excellent patriot. [...] 

Yeah those tactics they used against McDaniel were just awful.

I mean how dare Senator Thad Cochran encourage more people, even those who are not traditionally considered Republican or conservative, to vote for him. What, does he think that the Republican party wants to expand their numbers or something?

And speaking of the kinds of people who give politicians advice to do things like reach out to independent voters,or pander to women, or Mexicans, or other brown skin people, Palin has no use for them. Oh no she doesn't!

Sometimes you have good candidates but they have GOP establishment, smooth-talkin’, knucklehead consultants as their advisors. We need to discourage good candidates from thinking that these, DC especially, advisors who are out of touch with, just, normal, everyday Americans, that these advisors know best. Especially advisors with really, really poor records. 

They’re dumb, consultants, sometimes they’re dumb, and they almost always give horrible advice, I find. They try to shape and mold the candidate. Instead of letting a good candidate just be that good candidate, that got ‘em to where they are, well now, these advisors come in, y’know they come ridin’ in, what they want to have perceived as the white horse, and they’re gonna save this campaign, and in the meantime they screw up a lot of things. 

So these consultants, I’m not impressed. and yet they keep gettin hired! They’re making hand over fist, they’re making big bucks off innocent contributors to candidates, to campaigns, not knowin’ that a lot of their money is going to these professional politicians, because they’re professional political consultants…well, that’s part of the problem. [...] Again, we live and learn, and we come back stronger. 

Oh I definitely have to agree here that the idiots who take money from innocent people while endorsing or giving advice to conservative candidates are just the lowest of the low.

I mean WHAT kind of POS would do that for a living? Especially when their advice is SO bad and does nothing to help the candidate, and in fact might ultimately doom their campaign?

You know I don't want to tell Sarah Palin how to live her life or anything (Yes I do!), but just perhaps she might consider playing some of these video back before posting them on her site.

And maybe, just maybe, having somebody who is not paid to kiss her skinny wrinkled ass listen to them as well might not be the worst idea either. Just a thought.