Bob Cesca bravely fights for America's right to mock Sarah Palin. And so far he is winning.

Courtesy of The Daily Banter:  

For the last several months or so, I’ve been following the intellectually-impaired grifter antics over at The Sarah Palin Channel — Palin’s recently launched subscription service, which also happens to feature free-to-the-public videos posted on the main page. In the process of covering the Sarah Palin beat, it’s been necessary to excerpt sections of her videos and to subsequently embed the “takeouts” (Antonin Scalia’s word) on The Daily Banter in the context of reviewing her illiterate blather. 

One of the clips in particular went viral. You might recall the video in which Palin lapsed into some sort of aphasia or stupor and began to babble about Elizabeth Warren, fast food and Purgatory. To date, no one’s been able to adequately decipher what she was saying. Accordingly, my excerpted clip and the accompanying article spread throughout the blogosphere and, as of late September, was pushing toward 700,000 views. 

However, the view count was halted and the video was disabled when Sarah Palin’s production company stumbled upon it. 

Cesca goes on to share the forms he had to fill out, and the hoops he had to jump through, in order to get YouTube to listen to his side of the story after TAPP complained that he was essentially stealing content.

Cesca also mentions in this piece that Palin herself has argued for the 1st Amendment rights of those on the Right, often confusing them with the right of an employer to fire an employee for saying controversial things on the air.

After Cesca explained to Yo0u Tube that he was using the snippet under the fair use clause for journalistic purposes, and also pointing out that TAPP did the same by borrowing from Elizabeth Warrren's speech so that Palin could mock her, he got his video back up.

Which you can see here:

(Oh I forgot how awesome that was!)

So this is good news for all of us, for as you know I will not pay to watch Palin make a fool of herself on that crazy ass channel blog  of hers, but I will certainly make fun of any video that others snatch from that sea of desperation and bring out into the light for the amusement of others.

Speaking of desperate and amusing, late last night Palin decided to finally come out for Mark Begich's opponent, and her former Attorney General, Dan Sullivan.

This from her Facebook page: 

Barack Obama, thank you for sealing the deal for the next U.S. Senator from the great state of Alaska, Dan Sullivan! 
-Sarah Palin 

"These are all folks who vote with me!" - Barack Hussein Obama October 20, 2014 (Geez is she still using his middle name as a slam against him? Grow the fuck up.)

This then links to a Breitbart article, big surprise, that contains this statement from the President that he made yesterday:   

"Here's the bottom line: We've got a tough map. A lot of the states that are contested this time are states they didn't win. So some of the candidates there, you know, it is difficult for them to have me in the state because the Republicans will use that to try to fan Republican turnout. The bottom line is, these are all folks who vote with me. They have supported my agenda in congress. They are on the right side of minimum wage. They are on the right side of fair pay. They are on the right side of rebuilding our infrastructure. They're on the right side of early childhood education. So, this isn't about my feelings being hurt. These are folks who are strong allies and supporters of me. And I tell them, I said, you know what, you do what you need to win. I will be responsible for making sure that our voters turn up."

As you can see it does not mention Mark Begich by name, or even which states the President is talking about, but the Republicans have been quick to pounce on it and to start using it against Democrats in red states.

It contains nothing new, and of course reminds the voters who put these individuals in office in the first place why they are the best candidate for 2014, but in Palin's world it "seals the deal" for Dan Sullivan.

And all I can say to that is if she is so determined to help Dan Sullivan win then she needs to get SarahPAC to endorse him and start making appearances with him in the state.

I mean if she is really a king maker with conservatives then this is her opportunity to prove it.

Unless she is afraid that is.

And now some unsolicited advice to our President concerning conflict overseas from a woman who does not even know how to stop her family from attacking the neighbors.

Resplendent in her best pleather jacket, Palin decides to tell the President exactly what he is doing wrong in dealing with ISIS and how she would have handled things much worse better.

I have had two cups of coffee and a Dramamine so let's see if I can get through this transcript without losing my breakfast or throwing my computer through the wall.

Here goes:

"President Obama is leading from behind again."

Goddamn bitch! How dare yo....I'm gonna....You don't know sh....Okay, okay I have control again.

Deep breaths Gryphen, she is talking to her supporters so of course she is going to throw them some partially digested red meat. Okay let's try again.

"ISIS, that death cult, it's beheading Americans and persecuting Christians on a massive scale. And killing our allies in the Middle East. Yet, the President's aides actually told the New York Times that, quote 'We don't want this to look like an American war,' unquote. (Which, by the way, exactly reflects the attitude of the American people.)

And how are they going to do that? by pulling the same tricks he pulled in Libya. By arming jihadists. By launching very limited air strikes. And by hoping all that just turns out better than it did before. But we all remember Libya (Cue the Benghazi picture.) where our so called allies? They turned on us soon after they got what they wanted from the US. Where they killed our brave diplomats, where they filmed themselves jumping into our ambassador's swimming pool recently. (Or in Palin-speak "concrete pond.") Woo hoo! Partying it up, celebrating, after chasing America out of the country. 

Now Libya is in a state of near anarchy. (Sounds like any weekend at the Palin compound.) Offering safe haven now for jihadists all across the region. They're a mess. That's the strategy we want for ISIS? To defeat ISIS? The President told America that he wants to destroy the group, now that they are beheading Americans. Even though said earlier he said..um...basically he suggested that they weren't much to worry about. You know they're JV squad. Well now he says 'Okay we'll destroy'em.' But the President's already backing away from that promise. 

On Meet the Press his Chief of Staff gave a definition of success that is far far from destroying ISIS. 

(This, by the way, was the White House Chief of Staff McDonough's statement on MTP concerning success against ISIS or ISIL.  ""Success looks like an ISIL that no longer threatens our friends, can't accumulate followers and threaten Muslims in Syria, Iraq, or otherwise," McDonough told NBC "Meet the Press" host Chuck Todd. "And that's exactly what success looks like." To me that sort of sounds like it would be the end of ISIS and their ability to do any real damage in the Middle East. But I guess if every single one of them is not hunted down and shot in the face that will it not satisfy certain people. )

Their definition of success? I don't believe it would be your definition of success America. Even worse, okay here's a problem, what we hear now from Obama, though granted they're changing their plans, and red lines that they draw, it seems like daily. Very inconsistent. They dither around with foreign policy. (Yes responding to new data and to changing dynamics in the regions must really confuse those who see the world in black and white.) 

But even worse, what Obama's planning to do, it sounds like, is to arm Syrian rebels. (The same plan that John McCain has been pushing since 2012.) We don't know if we can trust Syrian rebels. These Syrian rebels. they may have sold one of our journalists to ISIS. So the President's planning to arm rebels who have already handed over weapons to ISIS? And who allegedly just reached a ceasefire agreement with ISIS? The Syrian rebel group who's palling around with even more dangerous terrorists? (Well THERE'S an oldie but a goodie from 2008.)These rebels, these jihadists, they're not our friends. Um but the President wants to arm them anyway and thinks that they can be trusted. 

No, we need facts in order to...uh...I guess, prod the President in making the right decisions on where this country needs to go when America's interest is being adversely affected by this group ISIS that is hell bent on destroying those in the Middle East and coming on over and destroying us too. (Did Sarah Palin actually say we need "facts?" I must have heard that wrong.) Right now the President wants it both ways, what's new? He wants to look like he is doing something, buuut he really doesn't want to get too involved.  (Once again reflecting the mood of the American people.) We all know that we're not going to be able to defeat ISIS with just air strikes. But Obama knows how unpopular sending combat troops would be. Especially under HIS command. (And why would it be just "his" command? Where the hell is Congress? They have left this President high and dry, while they run off to take yet another vacation from the job that they have failed to do for the last six years.) But if not us on the ground defeating ISIS then..then who? The truth is we have no idea how to sort out the moderate forces from the radical forces. And President Obama's buffaloing you if he's leading you to believe that HE knows how to sort out moderate Muslims from radical Muslims in an areas that for..for the most part is letting us know that..um..you know, they're not our friends. (Is she actually about to quote a bumper sticker and suggest that we "Kill them all and let Allah sort them out?") 

We can't trust the rebels in Syria. Some think that we can get the Sunnis in Iraq..well like maybe, we'll switch sides again and fight with us against ISIS.  Good luck with that. We can count on the Kurds of course to help us out, and ally with us, but they're only going to fight for their own area. So where does that leave us? 

(Okay you know how when you are driving there will be a sign that warns you that there is a sharp turn ahead? Yeah well Palin is about to do a 360 that just might cause you to get a little nauseous.)

Well I've said this before that I don't want to see us going back to Iraq either, but I'm a realist. (Wait, what?) Is ISIS a direct threat to our own national security or not? That's the first question we have to ask.  (Okay did this woman NOT just spend over half of an hour screaming about how the only way to defeat ISIS is to send American troops back into Iraq as well as into Syria and kill them all? And NOW she is asking whether or not they present a legitimate threat to America?) And I agree that it's a question for legitimate debate. If we do decide that ISIS is a direct threat to our security then of course we must go in, we must defeat them over there. But we have to be in it, to win it. (Okay let me see if I can make sense of this. We need to put boots on the ground, and engage ISIS now, while we are deciding whether or not we should be engaging ISIS st all?)

Please Mr. President listen to America on this. It means we go in with overwhelming United States of America force, the red, white, and blue, we punch hard. (Like Bristol punches hard?) We defeat them, and then we get out. Only this time let's listen to those on the ground, top brass of military, the experts, who are saying..um.. we do need a residual force staying there to make sure this doesn't happen again. (So we need to pull out, but not all the way out. Isn't that how daughters get knocked up?) For now the tragedy is that our President just doesn't get it. For more than six years he's appeased jihadists.  (Yes by killing hundreds of them.) And now the Middle East is in flames. He's been weak, our President is weak, and again and again he shows this. 

Thirteen years after 9/11, the jihadists are stronger than they’ve ever been. No Mr. President you didn't tell America the truth when you suggested that all these terrorists, you had them on the run. Specifically you said you had Al Qaeda on the run. Yeah, running right towards us, as I've said before. Sir enough is enough. If we're in this we need to be in it, to win it. No half measures. NO more leading from behind.

Well it appears that unlike virtually ALL of the politicians in this country, Sarah Palin would like to commit a large number of troops to the eradication of ISIS. But not if they do not in fact present a danger to America, which we can debate while we are eradicating ISIS.

Does she have an editor for these videos, or is she just assuming that the people who are stupid enough to send her $9.95 a month are too stupid to actually listen to the words coming out of her mouth, and attempt to understand them?

Gee no wonder she is threatening to sue Bob Cesca for allowing the world to see these unpolished turds of wisdom.

Well she better add Wonkette to that list as well, becasue that is who made this video available.

Their take on it can be seen here.

In recent video chat with Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty Sarah Palin finally admits what we have known all along.

Courtesy of the brilliant Bob Cesca:  

Robertson tells Palin that if we put our faith in Jesus, God will “get you off the planet Earth alive.” Where in the Bible does God say we’re getting off the Earth while still alive? What the hell is that? He continues by mentioning the golden rule, which isn’t all that bad, I suppose. But then Palin responds by saying: 

"And for simple-minded people like me, that’s what I crave. That’s what I want to know, that’s what I’m supposed to know. That’s the majority of people. It’s simple."

Seriously how long have I been telling people this very thing?

And all I get are  Palin apologists saying I am attacking her, or that I am jealous of her, or that I ma spreading lies about her.

Well now you have it straight from the whore's horse's mouth.

Cesca does a great job with this whole thing and I urge you to read his entire post, however I did want to share with you this incredibly clumsy edit attempting to clean up something Robertson said about the three races that God supposedly created.  

Palin launches into the boilerplate fundamentalist notion that all natural resources including “the animals we eat” are placed here by God for “the betterment of man.” This of course is the chief excuse for utterly raping the environment, but instead of giving us his take on Palin’s “sustainability” bit, Robertson jumps into a speech about political correctness. 

ROBERTSON: My sociology professor, uh, he alerted all of us that there were three, according to them — the experts — the people who had studied it, there were three races– [AWKWARDLY OBVIOUS EDIT] –there was one race of people on this Earth, it’s called the human race. 

PALIN: Amen. 

ROBERTSON: We’re all made in the image of God. 

Now what could Robertson possibly have said that would have horrified the Palin video editor enough to make them cut it out entirely?

I ma so glad that Bob Cesca exists to download these long meandering videos and but them up into barely digestible morsels of madness. 

He is undertaking a herculean task for the betterment of mankind.

Bob Cesca dissects the Sarah Palin ALS ice bucket challenge. Actually makes it a little funnier.

Cesca's a little late as most of us have already stopped chuckling over this most recent Palin fail, but he does a pretty good job of mining the episode for some hitherto unnoticed gems.

Here are some observations from his Daily Banter piece:

Like all of her Sarah Palin Channel videos, she’s obviously in her house somewhere, but the “set” looks like she’s either running a booth at an Etsy trade convention, or she’s selling tchotchkes at a rummage sale. In the frame we see Palin surrounded by the following items: a conch shell; a bottle of soda; an empty glass; handwritten notes; a check book; a small silver deer-head ice bucket; a random red cup with what appears to be the Philadelphia Phillies “P” logo; a bucket of pine cones; a framed ceremonial flag; an American flag hanging from the wall; a potted plant; a repro antique lamp; and a make-up mirror. Why are these things here? Who the fuck knows. It reminds me of Steve Martin’s random “all I need is this thermos” scene at the end of The Jerk: “All I need is this conch shell. And this box of pine cones. And this deer bucket. And this…” 

(I LOVED that scene in "The Jerk.")  

Watching Sarah Palin adding two ice cubes to a glass, then half-filling it (she never finishes anything all the way) with Diet Dr. Pepper, then replacing the cap on the bottle is like a Sisyphean endeavor that goes on for what seems like nine hours. But she really puts in a noteworthy effort with the ice tongs in spite of the fact that she’s probably thinking about a donkey napping under a tree*. 

As Brian Cox advised in the Charlie Kaufman film Adaptation, “Wow them in the end.” No matter what happens throughout a film, if it ends spectacularly, you’ll win over your audience. So, just as Palin tips her glass of soda and offers up a “cheers,” someone appears from off-camera and dumps ice water on her head. It appears to happen completely by surprise because her reaction is one of genuine shock. Palin’s glasses fly off and she leaps from her chair screaming bloody murder and chattering in utter horror followed by another off-camera scream. Now that’s comedy, and it’s just about her depth, too. If she wants to win over Americans again, she needs to stick at the Jackass level — straight-up stunt gags. I’d totally watch that show. Palin and Bam Margera waking up Bam’s parents with fireworks. Palin and Johnny Knoxville getting Tazered. Palin and Wee-Man rolling down a hill inside giant truck tires while barfing. Finally, her “zone.” 

Probably the best part of Cesca's piece is the slow motion replay of Palin getting iced, iced baby that he adds at the end of his post.

Oh yeah, I could watch THAT all day.

P.S. BY the way there's more good stuff over at the Daily Banter that I left out.

Bob Cesca takes a peek into the abyss which is the Sarah Palin Channel. (No Frodo don't look! Just throw in the ring and run away!)

Courtesy of The Daily Banter: 

Let’s dive in. Sarah Palin’s video response to Warren’s 11 progressive commandments… 

1) Words are tough. Before her responses even began, Palin referred to Warren’s “tenets” as Warren’s “tenants.” I’m not sure if Warren owns rental properties, but her list had nothing to do with any would-be “tenants.” 

2) Tyrants on the internets. In response to Warren’s position in support of net neutrality, Palin said she doesn’t want the internet to be censored by “the world’s tyrants.” Then she blamed President Obama for handing over domain names to “authoritarian regimes like Russia and China.” This is a lie. Obama did no such thing. When the Internet Corporate for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN) was subcontracted to handle IP addresses in 1998, the intention was to eventually relinquish that function to the international community, and ICANN’s contract is due to expire in 2015. Furthermore, the U.S. has never unilaterally “controlled” the internet in the first place. Oh, almost forgot. In an earlier item in the video, Palin criticized government bureaucracy, but she clearly supports the bureaucratic management of domain names. Which is it? 

3) Screw the Minimum Wage. Palin said, “The government needs to butt out of employer/employee pay issues.” Really across the board? So it should be legal for businesses to pay employees next-to-nothing while eliminating the 40-hour work week? Interesting. Palin’s bridge to the 19th Century. 

4) Never try to improvise, Sarah. Warren noted that when fast food workers picket for better wages, progressives ought to stand with them. Palin responded by apparently suffering a stroke or some sort of bizarre aphasia.

Now Bob will have to spend the day drinking and trying to bleach the images out of his head.

Been there, done that.

Now as all of you know I have taken a vow to not cover any of Palin rantings behind that pay wall of hers. However since Cesca brought the garbage out for all to see, I figure I am not breaking my own rules by talking about it.

The first thing to point out is that Palin without experienced media handlers to polish her fangs, staple her road kill wig to her head, and whiteout the seriously crazy stuff from her prepared remarks, is even more batshit crazy, than the usual batshit crazy that we have all come to expect.

Did she REALLY dress up like Elisabeth Warren just so that she could mock her?

And her riff with crazy sauce about fast food workers is so bizarre that I almost thought she was having some kind of psychotic break. (Or possibly a stroke as Cesca pointed out.)

It almost seems that without people providing parody of her on SNL or other comedy outlets, that Palin has decided to provide her own parody of herself. Only, it sucks!

And remember we are only just out of week one this new channel website blog of hers, imagine how much worse she will be after six months or so.

By then she will simply show up in her night gown, with a cigarette dangling from her mouth and her wig stuck to the side of her head, to read off a list of things she hates about liberals from a post-it note that she wrote on while taking a crap.

In other words, we will finally see the REAL Sarah Palin without all of those media filters to make her look relatively...you know...human.