Showing posts with label Revelations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Revelations. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Disgraced televangelist Jim Bakker is back. This time selling, I kid you not, "End of the World Biscuits" in preparation for Armageddon.

Courtesy of the New York Daily News:  

Twenty years after his release from prison following rape and fraud allegations, the disgraced pastor is busy selling unique survival kits apparently for the Apocalypse. On his website for his latest TV program, "The Jim Bakker Show," the 74-year-old sells everything from bulk "End of the World Biscuits," "Extreme Survival Bottles" — two for $57 — and extreme cold-weather apparel. The evangelist, who considers himself one of today's experts on the Book of Revelation, appears motivated by the prophetic scriptures in the Bible, which warn of the Rapture — where Christians will be taken by God into heaven — and the second-coming of Christ.

I have to admit that I thought this was a joke, but nope, they are serious.

The majority of the food sources appear in the form of beans, such as the $3,000 "Time of Trouble" tub, which contains 7,728 servings of black bean burger pouches. 

Others include a mixed array of "End of the World Gravy" and "Kevin's Krazy Lasagna" in large, tightly-packed containers.

"End of the World Gravy?"

Okay look this is America, and people can make a living any way they see fit. But is it really ethical to scare these poor simpletons into believing that some catastrophe is about to occur so that you can profit off their ignorance?

Besides who is going to be here to eat all of these beans?

I thought that during the End Times that all of the "good" Christians were going to be sucked up into Heaven to party with JC while the rest of us fought amongst ourselves for the belongings they left behind?

Boy this takes me back to the televangelist scandals of the 1980's.

Such good times.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Apparently Jesus is returning with guns a blazing, so get low you commie atheists!

Ex-Army General, and Bible scholar, William G. "Jerry" Boykin.
Courtesy of Americans Against the Tea Party:

 According to Boykin, Jesus is a merciless killer and the second amendment is his proof. Who do you think gave the founding fathers the idea for the second amendment? That’s right– Jesus Christ, himself. And you’re not supposed to admire his shining “sword” from afar. You’re supposed to have one too. So sell your stuff so you and Jesus can have matching assault rifles for the end of days. 

Boykin said, 

“The Lord is a warrior and in Revelation 19 is says when he comes back, he’s coming back as what? A warrior. A mighty warrior leading a mighty army, riding a white horse with a blood-stained white robe … I believe that blood on that robe is the blood of his enemies ’cause he’s coming back as a warrior carrying a sword. 

And I believe now – I’ve checked this out – I believe that sword he’ll be carrying when he comes back is an AR-15. 

Now I want you to think about this: where did the Second Amendment come from? … From the Founding Fathers, it’s in the Constitution. Well, yeah, I know that. But where did the whole concept come from? It came from Jesus when he said to his disciples ‘now, if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one. (Um, not to nitpick, but this quote comes from this section of the Bible. And when one of the disciples actually used a sword on a servant of the high priest, Jesus immediately healed him and told his followers to put down their weapons.)


I know, everybody says that was a metaphor. IT WAS NOT A METAPHOR!… And the sword today is an AR-15, so if you don’t have one, go get one. You’re supposed to have one. It’s biblical.”

Yes it is a little known fact that Jesus is a proud member of the NRA and He himself wrote the 2nd Amendment that we use today to allow unhinged people to kill people in movie theaters, public schools, and malls.

Apparently to these folks Jesus is not the Prince of Peace, but rather just another heavily armed asshole who thinks that violence solves every problem.

Gee, no wonder the Republicans like him so much.

Seriously, have any of these people even read the New Testament?

Thursday, November 07, 2013

Teen athlete refuses to compete due to receiving 666 as her bib number.

This kind of thing just makes me sick to my stomach.

The idea that this young woman would throw away her dreams simply due to superstitious nonsense is ridiculous.

Not only that the number 666 is not even the real number of the beast.

Remind me someday to relate the story of the born again Christian girl in my self defense class who quit because I talked about focusing Chi. That was a real eye opener.

(Source.)

Friday, February 08, 2013

Tennessee man quits job after receiving W-2 stamped with the "number of the beast." Because you know, religion.

Courtesy of The Tennessean:  

A Clarksville man said that he quit his job last week in order to save his soul. 

Walter Slonopas, 52, resigned as a maintenance worker at Contech Casting LLC in Clarksville after his W-2 tax form was stamped with the number 666. 

The Bible calls 666 the “number of the beast,” and it’s often used as a symbol of the devil. Slonopas said that after getting the W-2, he could either go to work or go to hell. 

“If you accept that number, you sell your soul to the devil,” he said. 

Bob LaCourciere, vice president of sales and marketing for the Revstone Corp., which owns Contech Casting, said that Slonopas’ W-2 was labeled with 666 by the company that handles Contech’s payroll. It refers to the order in which the forms were mailed out, he said. 

This isn’t the first time that the Satanic number has caused Slonopas trouble at work. 

During his first day on the job in April 2011, Slonopas was supposed to be assigned the number 668 to use when he clocked in. But the human resources department gave him the wrong number — 666 — instead. 

Slonopas, who said he became a born-again Christian about 10 years ago, complained and was given a new number. 

In July 2011, the company changed time clock systems, and once again Slonopas got 666. This time he quit. The company apologized and he returned to work a few days later. 

This latest incident with the W-2 baffled company spokesman LaCourciere. He could not believe it had happened again. 

“I am completely at a loss for words,” he said.

"Either go to work, or go to hell." Choices, choices, choices.

Well I think that Mr. Slonopas needs to simply accept the fact that this CANNOT be a mere coincidence. One time perhaps, but twice? I think not!

Is the following not written in the great book of Revelations13:16-18? Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six. 

Surely this man who doth hide his true visage behind the slovenly, pinkish camouflage of a common  maintenance worker has been revealed unto the masses as the spawn of Satan, the progeny of Mephistopheles, the Anti-Christ made flesh.

Burn him! Burn him with fire!
 
Or....perhaps instead people can simply pity him for his ignorance and make sure to keep him away from sharp objects and dangerous substances.

Religion, keeping people terrified of simple coincidences for over 2000 years.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Propaganda against Iran: For 33 years we have been hearing that Iran almost has the bomb, yet so far no "boom."

Courtesy of Hang the Bankers:  

Breathless predictions that the Islamic Republic will soon be at the brink of nuclear capability, or – worse – acquire an actual nuclear bomb, are not new. 

For more than quarter of a century Western officials have claimed repeatedly that Iran is close to joining the nuclear club. Such a result is always declared “unacceptable” and a possible reason for military action, with “all options on the table” to prevent upsetting the Mideast strategic balance dominated by the US and Israel. 

And yet, those predictions have time and again come and gone. This chronicle of past predictions lends historical perspective to today’s rhetoric about Iran.

The post then goes on to list the earliest predictions. Beginning is 1979:

Fear of an Iranian nuclear weapon predates Iran’s 1979 Islamic revolution, when the pro-West Shah Mohammad Reza Pahlavi was deep in negotiations with the US, France and West Germany, on a nuclear-energy spending spree that was to yield 20 reactors. 

Late 1970s: US receives intelligence that the Shah had “set up a clandestine nuclear weapons development program.” 

1979: Shah ousted in the Iranian revolution, ushering in the Islamic Republic. After the overthrow of the Shah, the US stopped supplying highly enriched uranium (HEU) to Iran. The revolutionary government guided by Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini condemned nuclear weapons and energy, and for a time stopped all projects. 

1984: Soon after West German engineers visit the unfinished Bushehr nuclear reactor, Jane’s Defence Weekly quotes West German intelligence sources saying that Iran’s production of a bomb “is entering its final stages.” US Senator Alan Cranston claims Iran is seven years away from making a weapon.

"Iran is seven years from making a weapon." You know that exact same sentence has been uttered over, and over, and over again throughout the last thirty or so years. Usually by the far Right Wing (Though not always), and so far it has been complete bullshit.

You know the interesting thing about the timing of this article is that I had just been thinking that this newest incident with Netanyahu saying that Iran is "almost at the brink" of being able to build a nuclear weapon, and his statement that they needed to be stopped, seemed very familiar to me, and wondered just how long this had been going on.

Well now we know, it has been going on for over 33 years, and that seems almost as ridiculous as the Fundamentalist Christians who keep claiming that Armageddon is just around the corner and that Jesus is about to make his big entrance.

In fact it seems that those two things are somewhat connected in the minds of the American people, since war in the Middle East is a necessary component to the stories written about in the book of Revelations, and perhaps that is why they are so anxious to believe these predictions of doom and gloom are real.

What do you think? Is it our base superstitions that are at fault for the vilification of Iran? Or is it due to perhaps the manipulation by a certain  group of investors that need this region to remain on simmer in order to keep gas prices high, and justify the constant creation of bigger and more expensive military equipment? Or, perhaps a combination of the two?

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Louisiana parents upset about proposed lunchroom palm scanner. Fear it will lead to "the mark of the Beast." Yep, you read that right!

KPLC 7 News, Lake Charles, Louisiana Courtesy of the Huffington Post:  

Moss Bluff Elementary School in Louisiana is looking to streamline lunch payments by implementing a palm vein scanner program, but some parents aren't pleased. 

A letter to parents this week informed them of the new scanner that will allow the school's nearly 1,000 students to move through the lunch line faster and with fewer payment mistakes -- an issue that had arisen in the past, KPLC-TV reports. 

While the letter notes that parents can opt their children out of the program, parent Mamie Sonnier told KPLC-TV that she was angry and disappointed by the program, as the scanner violates her beliefs. She contends that if the scanners actually make it to the school cafeteria, she'll be transferring her kids to another school. 

"As a Christian, I've read the Bible, you know go to church and stuff," Sonnier said. "I know where it's going to end up coming to, the mark of the beast. I'm not going to let my kids have that." 

"I've read the Bible, you know go to church and stuff."

Lady, are YOU sure? Because I don't think Revelations says what you think it says.  

11 Then I saw a second beast, coming out of the earth. It had two horns like a lamb, but it spoke like a dragon. 12 It exercised all the authority of the first beast on its behalf, and made the earth and its inhabitants worship the first beast, whose fatal wound had been healed. 13 And it performed great signs, even causing fire to come down from heaven to the earth in full view of the people. 14 Because of the signs it was given power to perform on behalf of the first beast, it deceived the inhabitants of the earth. It ordered them to set up an image in honor of the beast who was wounded by the sword and yet lived. 15 The second beast was given power to give breath to the image of the first beast, so that the image could speak and cause all who refused to worship the image to be killed. 16 It also forced all people, great and small, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on their right hands or on their foreheads, 17 so that they could not buy or sell unless they had the mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of its name.

Now THAT is crazy enough as it is, but the idea that this lunchroom palm scanner is going to imprint school children with this mark is going, in the words of the great Robert Downey Jr., "full retard."

Now this is usually where I get all preachy about the dangers of exposing ignorant people to superstitious nonsense and religions, but I will restrain myself here and simply open this topic up to discussion.

Next thing you will know these people will claim that they can see the image of the devil in the school's Tator Tots.