Friday, May 19, 2006

The Armageddon video game. I could not make this shit up!

To teach people like me who are too lazy to actually read about it, a small company is releasing a video game at the end of the year based on the phenomenally bestselling "Left Behind" books, which are based on the book of Revelation.

Okay just take a moment to digest that concept.

Done? Okay now let's look a little deeper.

Because I'm Jewish, I told (Jeffrey) Frichner that he could play the side of the good guys and that I'd be Satan.

The first thing Frichner did was to have one of his Christian characters approach a civilian lazily walking down a midtown Manhattan street in the middle of the battle over Earth and stand next to him for two seconds, which instantly converted him.

So do you think the game might be skewed to allow one side to dominate the other? Could be.

The good thing was, however, that as Satan, I had the United Nations on my side. As my peacekeeping Hummer and some of my followers rolled down Sixth Avenue, the Christians outflanked me and started firing, immediately taking out several of my nurses.

The apocalypse, I was learning, was a good excuse for Christians to go nuts and unload a lot of pent-up stuff. Armageddon is like their version of divorce.

So the game teaches Christians to open fire on the United Nations. Wow I sure feel safer.

I am almost speechless. No, strike that, I am speechless.

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