I do not ever advocate making bomb threats but you cannot argue with this guys logic.

A former Wal-Mart cashier says he was fired for joking on his MySpace page that the average IQ would increase if a bomb were dropped on the company's stores.

I think that there is no dispute of the accuracy of this statement.

If you ever want to feel like the smartest guy in the room just head on over to Wal-Mart, where sweat pants and spandex are the uniform of choice, and the kids are always screaming about something.

Hey I just remembered that I once wrote a top ten list for Wal-Mart. Here it is:

Top Ten things that the make the Wal-Mart shopping experience like no other.


10. It is a great place to pick up parenting tips. If you are planning to raise heroin addict bent on suicide that is.

9. The giant DVD sales bin. Who hasn’t dug through this wire monstrosity trying to decide if “Turner and Hooch” is now finally cheap enough for you to justify adding it to your DVD collection. The last time I checked it was going for $5.00.

8. Wal-Mart offers the opportunity to buy cheap clothing lovingly sewn together by Indonesian children, working long hours, in horrible conditions. So in other words we are keeping these kids off of the streets and out of trouble.

7. Great place to watch for “Muffin tops”. (For those of you who are not up on the cool kid lingo, a “muffin top” is where a female wears a shirt too short and pants too low to keep that roll of fat from squeezing out to form a muffin top around her waist.)

6. Compared to the people working at Wal-Mart you feel like a freaking genius. (I once had a salesgirl tell one of my kids that she had taken a two hour class to learn why she should not look at the laser on the scanner that reads the barcodes. I guess just telling them not to look at the laser proved ineffective. True story.)

5. That one crying baby. I hear this same thing every time I go to Wal-Mart. I am not even sure it is a real baby. Maybe they just play it over the intercom because some marketing researcher believes it keeps people from loitering in the store.

4. Trying to look nonchalant in the middle of the women’s underwear department, while your kids are using the inconveniently placed changing rooms. Are there really women who believe that wearing size 16 tiger stripe panties makes them sexy? Because it kind of scares me a little.

3. Shopping at Wal-Mart is like visiting a foreign country. There are so many different nationalities working at Wal-Mart that it may be the one place in Anchorage where being a white male puts you in the minority.

2. Wal-Mart is the home of the lying smock. The employee’s smock says “How can I help you?” But nobody ever helps you! If you dare to ask them a question they look totally lost and then pretend to look for somebody to help you as they walk away. And then they just simply disappear! I have no idea where they go, but I have never seen one of them in the store again. Maybe there is a “Wal-Mart curse” which keeps these people locked in Wal-Mart and if a customer asks them a question it breaks the spell and they are allowed to leave.

And the number one thing that makes the Wal-Mart shoppingexperience like no other is…

1. The gray haired greeters at the door. I have nothing sarcastic to say about these people as they are my favorite part of the Wal-Mart experience. When I grow up that is what I am going to do for a living.