Monday, June 24, 2013

The next time you are feeling frisky, but are pretty sure premarital sex is a sin, this Christian school in Australia has some suggestions for you. Mate.

Courtesy of Stuff:  

Christian Schools Australia CEO Steve O'Doherty says horse riding, eating something new, blowing bubbles and playing ball without the ball are all better options than doing the deed. 

They were among a "101 things to do instead of doing it" pamphlet which was recently given to out to students at Caloundra Christian College in Queensland. 

Mr O'Doherty is surprised by the media coverage the pamphlet has received. "Christian schools teach that the safest way of protecting yourself medically and emotionally is to wait until a stable, married relationship," he told AAP. 

"It's hardly front-page news that Christians have that perspective." 

Mr O'Doherty said that while abstinence was the preferred option for children and teenagers, Christian schools taught a healthy message about sex. 

"We teach kids about safe sex, we teach them about the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases and what you need to do protect yourself against them," he said. 

"But we tell the full story too - there are emotional dangers in committing yourself to a sexual relationship and the best way to protect yourself medically and emotionally is abstinence." 

SOME SUGGESTIONS A QUEENSLAND CHRISTIAN SCHOOL GAVE STUDENTS TO DO INSTEAD OF SEX: 

*Blow bubbles in the park 
*Pretend you're six again 
*Look at clouds and see what you can make them into 
*Surprise your parents by cleaning the house 
*Have a water fight 
*Go fruit picking *Go to Macca's in formals 
*Make lunch for the elderly 
*Share a drink with two straws 
*Visit the RSPCA 
*Have a burping contest

First let me just go on record as agreeing with the Christian school guy that yes abstinence is the MOST effective way to prevent pregnancy and STD's. Much like leaving your car parked in the garage and never taking it out for a drive is the MOST effective way in which to prevent having a traffic accident. 

Second I would like to also agree that waiting until you are married would probably be great, if in fact that were conceivable in most cases.

Like my dear old mum used to say, "Sex without love is an empty unfulfilling experience. But as far as empty unfulfilling experiences go it is without a doubt the very best one."

However, and I don't want to be overly judgmental here, if in fact blowing bubbles in the park or cleaning your parent's house is a reasonable alternative to having hot monkey sex, you might be doing sex wrong.

Do you know what Alaskans consider a reasonable alternative to having sex? Having more sex!

Hey what do I know? Perhaps the Australians do it backwards. You know like how the water in your "dunny" swirls the wrong way, maybe they have sex backwards as well.

We don't judge here!

I guess I just assumed that a place referred to as "down under" would have some rather inventive methods for getting their ashes hauled. You know something that making lunch for the elderly could not touch with a ten foot Stobie Pole.

"Have a burping contest." Yeah right! Sounds like a great way to distract a bloke while you are off having a naughty with his Sheila.

34 comments:

  1. Anonymous4:08 PM

    *Drink wine coolers and go camping!

    *Catch the Great Alaska Shootout!



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    1. Anonymous5:05 PM

      Guys, when your parents have guests visiting, jerk off with your bedroom door wide open in the dark with only a penlight and a 1980's Playboy Magazine. And make lots of noise while you fap away, "Oh look at those titties! Come on big momma, lemme put my face between those bad boys! I'm gonna splooge all over you, you bad girl!". Just say that shit loud. Volume is the key to distracting yourself from wanting to have sex.

      If someone comes to the door to check on you, especially if it's a woman besides your mom, quickly hide under the covers with the penlight on and support the covers with your do-wah like its the center pole of a tent. Then declare, "I'm just doing my homework. There's no way that I'm under the sheets here rubbing one out."

      If it's your mom, hold your breath until you pass out, and hope they all rush in to see what you're packing, and if you're hung your dad will be proud.

      This also works well if your sister has some friends who are babes that are still virgins. It will make a big impression on them that when they're emotionally ready to have sex, they'll instantly be thinking of a mature young man just like you.

      However, and this is important, if yours is a Todd-sized tiny tool, just go blow some fuclong bubbles (or your best friend) in the park. Or play ball without a ball. Cuz you ain't gettin' no poon. The first time you whip that tweezer-tweeter out and your gal commences her ROGLHAO, you better pack up and leave town. Cuz you know she's going to tell her friends about the joke you got goin on in your draws.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5:43 PM

      LOL! I think Todd uses a laser pointer.

      Delete
  2. Anonymous4:32 PM

    I had some of the best sex of my life in my teenage years, however, I was doing this in the late 70's and early 80's, before AIDS so it was all free and easy and just a fun time. I was also on the Pill. I feel for kids today, there is so much to worry about! Sex is healthy and fun and shouldn't have to come with a marriage license attached, but wow, they need to be so much more careful now.

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  3. angela4:38 PM

    I grew up in the seventies when the majority of my classmates were having sex
    AND using birth control. And anyway; my mother said "Don't ever buy a pig in a poke". The idea of abstinence to her was stupid. What if you were stuck with someone who would never be sexually compatible to you?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What do you mean "if?"

      Been there, wasn't allowed to do that, and got out with the house and what was left of my dignity.

      Delete
  4. Anonymous4:38 PM

    You do know what an Australian kiss is, don't you?

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  5. Anonymous4:49 PM

    Why should Australian Fundamentalist loonies be any different? I'm certain that Caloundra Christian College can look forward to a certain number of student pregnancies, like all the other Fundamentalist schools.

    If all Xtian teen pregnancies could be monetized the way Bristol Palin cashed in on hers they'd never have their legs closed, Jesus or not.



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    1. Leland9:47 AM

      At least THIS guy acknowledges that it WILL happen and admits to trying to teach as much as possible for the good of the students!

      That is NOT something any American xtian would even consider doing - and why the states with sex education that includes ONLY abstinence have the highest teen pregnancy rates!

      This guy's list was intended to be considered by those who would WANT to try to avoid premarital sex. It was not aimed at STOPPING it.

      At least THEY provide the information!

      And where did the article say anything about them being fundamentalists?

      Delete
  6. Anonymous4:49 PM

    Go out for a banana split.. Umm on second thought..Oh damn!!

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  7. I agree with those that disagree with waiting until marriage. I wouldn't want any of my kids to marry someone they hadn't had sex with, or had only had sex with. Good sex is important! I tell my kids to only have sex with people who are nice!

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  8. Anonymous5:38 PM

    I blew bubbles in the park. I looked at the clouds, cleaned house, rode horses. Lots of horses.

    Then in my 20s I had sex. And didn't come up for air till my fifties! Whoooo!
    Sometimes late bloomers are under estimated..

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    1. Anonymous9:04 PM

      I'm going out on a limb here and say that you're a woman who sprouted her wings late and have been doing air shows and flying exhibitions ever since. You have a kindred spirit here.

      Okay, I've had a couple of deep breaths. Time to go back under. Are you coming ? If you're going my way, you will! (wink)

      Lollypop Charmer

      Delete
    2. Anonymous5:58 AM

      Oh Lollypop, you're quite a charmer ;)

      Delete
  9. Anonymous5:49 PM

    Well, if all else fails, there's always the didgeridoo.

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  10. Anonymous5:51 PM

    First let me just go on record as agreeing with the Christian school guy that yes abstinence is the MOST effective way to prevent pregnancy and STD's.

    That's true of actual abstinence, of course, but all one can really decide on in advance is an abstinence policy. This can fail, just as a condom or an IUD can fail (as I discovered some 49 years ago, fortunately without negative consequences). And preaching an abstinence policy to the kid has an even higher failure rate, which so many school boards—Mr. O'Doherty's excepted—are so unwilling to acknowledge.

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    1. Anonymous5:31 AM

      Abstinence works - until it doesn't - and then it's no longer abstinence. So yeah it's a fool proof method. And asswipes like this Aussie fundernut are the fools.

      Advice to my (teen)boys -
      1) get the best bc available.
      2) she better be on norplant,or nuvaring or you WATCH her insert a sponge. No trusting "I'm on the pill."
      3) then use a condom TOO.
      If she won't, then don't.



      Delete
  11. Anonymous6:25 PM

    Sarah Palin took to her Facebook page to trash Marco Rubio, and do her part to help the Republican Party destroy itself over immigration reform.

    Palin wrote on her Facebook page that:

    https://www.facebook.com/sarahpalin

    ...On and on she rambled for several more paragraphs about how the immigration reform bill is just like Obamacare, which it isn’t, but Palin needed something to tie this scatterbrained bit of self-promotion together.

    ...Palin is an opportunistic vulture who feeds on anger and division, so it should come as no surprise that she swooped in to take shots at Rubio. After all, Sarah is back on Fox News and she has a “rogue outsider” brand to rebuild. She needs those SarahPAC dollars to fund the lifestyle to which she has grown accustomed.

    http://www.politicususa.com/2013/06/24/sarah-palin-informed-americans-don.html

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  12. OT, I don't have your email, but, thank you so, so much for the information about Dan Everett. Best reading ever. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  13. emrysa8:27 PM

    well isn't that nice! and unrealistic.

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  14. Anita Winecooler9:03 PM

    I don't think any of the suggestions might work when dealing with two horned up people, but if I come home to a clean house, I'll know something's up!

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    1. Anonymous5:34 AM

      hey, hey - bet I can take each of his suggestions and make it into some really cool foreplay.

      Anybody else? I'll start - bubble in the park - have your partner lie nekkid. Blow bubbles and see how many you can get to land them - one point. Penis or titties = 3 pts. Then pop them. This might work better if you're not in park - unless it's after dark.

      Delete
    2. Well great, now I'm aroused by bubbles.

      Thanks, that was like the ONLY thing that did not get me going.

      Delete
  15. Anonymous9:35 PM

    What a great list of suggestions to do while you are having sex. Those "down under" folks are so inventive!

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  16. Anonymous1:04 AM

    First - this list and perspective is from *one* Christian school. Believe it or not, there are more schools than this in Australia - not all are Christian and not all serve abstinence like the soup of the day.

    Second - our water does not swirl in the *wrong* direction on this side of the equator - it swirls the way nature dictates. It's a natural occurrence, not a choice.

    -Oz

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    1. Anonymous5:35 AM

      Do you really think Gryph was being serious there? Do you know what scare quotes "..." are?

      Delete
    2. Anonymous3:15 PM

      ROFL funny you could recognise his brand of sarcasm but not mine :)

      Delete
  17. Anonymous5:25 AM

    Typical Christianity attitude - when having to deal with teh choices of adulthood, or anything requiring critical thinking - regress to childish behavior!

    Freud was right - it's not so much the believing in any particular religion that is the main problem, but rather, religious faith - which is by definition suspension of rational thought - leads to that suspension of critical thinking and rational thought in other areas of one's life. Which explains pretty fully why most supporters of the Republicans and TeaTHUGlicans (and $carah Palin) are Christians.

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  18. *Blow bubbles in the park *Look at clouds and see what you can make them into *Share a drink with two straws ..I did ALL that..still had 4 sons starting at 17..I'm thinking it was the "sharing of the straws" that got me knocked up at 17..but would so do it again,sex was fun then..hell at 51 it still is fun..it's a fact of life..not some nasty thing bad kids do..I do wish adults would talk more about birth control to their young people...I have 1 granson,not bad for having 4 sons 26-33 yrs old..I ALWAYS talked sex to my boys..they get a new girlfriend,I say "wrap it up"..i hear "abstinence" alot..never pushed that with my boys..hormones are running threw their veins..WRAP THE DAMN THING UP!!..it's going to happen.some sooner then later..

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    1. hedgewytch8:49 AM

      it was the horseback riding for me...

      Delete
    2. damn, i read that in a book once..always wanted to try that on a horse!

      Delete
  19. Anonymous6:57 AM

    The funny thing is for me here in Australia, the ad I get is for a guy from my home city advertising for a girlfriend. He's been advertising for weeks or even months now and curious even though I'm not single I had a look. He's rich, apparently good looking and after someone that has every single thing like me and many of my single girlfriends in town. The catch? The girl/woman he wants has to be a virgin saving herself for marriage, like he is.

    There ARE NO single women/girls in the 25-35 age range in Australia! At my old xtian school we had people that claimed they would wait for religious reasons, and all have married super young or completely changed their mind.

    There are a lot less fundies here and their political party is much hated and their one senator only lasted one term before being shown the door (the way our voting system works is if say 10-15% of a state give their votes to one party that party would get a senate seat - its an ultimately fair situation where minority parties can play too, and for instance currently we have the Greens holding the balance of power in the senate due to their strong smallish voting population (15-20%), so to get bills passed the two main parties have to work with either their main rival party or the Greens. Of course here climate change is taken seriously and anyone caught calling it a hoax would be laughed out of office!

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  20. Randall7:23 AM

    They left off the most effective alternative:
    masturbation!

    When a problem comes along
    You must whip it
    Before the cream sets out to long
    You must whip it
    When something's going wrong
    You must whip it

    Whip it good

    Whip it!

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    Replies
    1. OMG!!.now that song will be in my head for the rest of the day..LOL.

      Delete

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