President Obama needles Republicans during Gridiron Club dinner.

Courtesy of AOL:  

Getting older changes a guy, President Barack Obama says, and he admits he's getting crankier. 

"Next week I'm signing an executive order to get off my lawn," Obama joked Saturday night at the Gridiron Club and Foundation's annual dinner. On top of that, the nation's graying chief executive says he's having trouble now with his morning cup of joe. "Coffee really disagrees with me these days," he says, "which is why John Boehner just invited coffee to address the joint House." 

Obama's standup routine drew laughs from the audience of more than 650 journalists, lawmakers, administration officials, military officials and others at the Gridiron's 130th gathering. By tradition, Washington insiders put aside their differences for an evening of laughter, schmoozing and charity fundraising. 

Obama targeted himself - "Just a few years ago I couldn't imagine being in my 50s. Given my approval ratings, I still can't" - as well as people in the government and the media that cover it. 

Noting that Walker remarked recently that he couldn't say whether Obama was a Christian, the president said his religion taught forgiveness and cracked, "So, Gov. Walker, salaam alaikum." 

Obama said he generally likes Boehner, the House speaker, and noted talk of unhappy House Republicans planning a coup - "or as Bill O'Reilly calls it, 'reporting from the war zone.'"

The Obama Diary has essentially the whole performance by the President, which includes these knee slappers:

Governors Walker and Perry are not the only possible 2016-ers here tonight. We also have Dr. Ben Carson. He wants to make it clear that being here was a choice. The fact is, Doctor, embracing homosexuality is not something you do because you go to prison. It’s something you do because your Vice President can’t keep a secret on “Meet the Press.” (Laughter.) 

And we can’t just focus on 2016, people. We just had an election. This new Congress is just getting started, which is why I want to acknowledge the leader of the House Republicans — as soon as I figure out who that is. (Laughter.)

And as much as I like to make fun of my friends in the GOP and the media, it’s not like this is an easy time to be a Democrat. They’re turning last year’s midterms into a movie; it’s called “50 Shades of Red.” 

But, as was noted, we are determined to bounce back. The Democratic Party recently analyzed the midterm elections, and concluded we have to spend more time focused on older white voters — which is why I’m here. (Laughter and applause.)

Ahh the Comedian-in-Chief strikes again. 

Hey you know maybe Jon Stewart can hang in there for another two years and Obama can take over the Daily Show when he finishes out his second term next year.

I mean it's not nearly as prestigious as becoming a Supreme Court Justice, but I know I'd watch.