Which should be easy since there are over 330 million of them.
(Link to explanation.)
Tuesday, August 04, 2015
First off why would a god need assistance. And secondly why would he need a billboard to ask for it?
Which should be easy since there are over 330 million of them.
(Link to explanation.)
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In the beginning there was The Word.
ReplyDeleteAnd The Word was God.
And God was created in the image of man.
And some men figured out that whomever controls The Word of God like strings on a puppet, controls all the other men.
Oh blessed is he who pulls the strings for he shall be considered Holy in the eyes of the believers and they shall give him lots of money.
And their wives and daughters, too, if he asks.
'Twas ever thus, ever shall it be.
Amen.
DeleteSome people simply need to get over it, you know.
ReplyDeleteBeaglemom
Every single one of those Xian fundamentalist fuckwits thinks they speak for their god. Every single fucking one.
ReplyDeleteWithout exception they're dangerous lunatics. They blame everything on external sources and never take responsibility for themselves or the things they do.
Must be handy to have somebody else to blame when you repeatedly screw up. Eh, Bristol Palin?
a marriage between a frog and princess. Happy ever after, Thee End.
ReplyDeleteIt does seem a little strange that an omnipotent being needs a little help here...almost as odd as him needing all of that money every week in the collection plate. Why can't he make his own?
ReplyDeleteSo let's see how this all went down according to the Old Testament of the Christian Bible.
ReplyDeleteAn/The Almighty God of the universe used his powers to create the whole shebang....got the light separated from the dark, the waters from the firmament, put all the stars in the sky, and created all the beasts of the fields and their marine counter parts in the seas.
The God Almighty of infinite eternal power, knowledge, and wisdom choose to create all those creatures as males and females that they might copulate and continue his creation upon the earth he created for them for untold generations to come.
Heck of a deal. Big job, but he got 'er dun in less than a week (makes you wonder how much better all of this may have been had he taken a couple of weeks if not a month or two to work out some details....but I digress...).
Then he Almighty God, creator of the universe and all the wonders within it sat back and looked over his work with satisfaction....and sadness. Dang, the dude was lonely. He'd created all of this but felt a yearning deep within himself that all the wonders of the universe and creatures within it could not satisfy. He couldn't help it, he was lonely.
So, after using his infinite wisdom, knowledge, and power to figure out just what it is going to take to truly make him happy and fullfil his need..... what's the Almighty God of the Universe decide to do?
Boy Toy.
Yep. The Almighty God of the Universe knows that what is missing in his creation is his own Boy Toy.
So he makes one. Adam. And the Almighty God of the Universe is happy. Adam & God walk together among the wonders of the most incredible crib the Almighty God of the Universe could create. It's cool. It's fantastic. It's paradise on earth. It's Eden. And, the Almighty God of the Universe is happy. All is good.
But...."Eden, we have a problem."
Adam is not happy. The Almighty God of the Universe may have been happy with having Adam to hang with in Eden, but Adam was not. Adam saw all the beasts of the fields copulating as couples, but for Adam there was only the Almighty God of the Universe. For the Almighty God of the Universe Adam was enough. For Adam, the Almighty God of the Universe wasn't.
No notes, video, or other reports exist from what must have been an interesting argument. But, we know the outcome....the Almighty God of the Universe relented and agreed to create a help-mate for Adam. The Almighty God of the Universe didn't create Adam and Steve; he created Adam for himself: Boy Toy.
And grudgingly created Eve for Adam, but even then the Almighty God of the Universe got a couple of digs in by making Eve as a subset of his boy toy rather than from scratch as he did for everything else. And, he also set her up to take the fall so he could evict them from the paradise he had created for him and Adam to walk in together for eternity.
Okay...so flash forward a few eons or two and now the Almighty God of the Universe decides to clone himself as his own son and work out a new deal with the folks on his planet. Rather than just zapping himself as his son onto the scene to explain the details of this new deal, the Almighty God of the Universe decides it would be better if he used the human birth route. Now, a lot of the mythical gods of lesser/false religions also came this same point and typically found a way to do the deed themselves...even relished in it. But......not the Almighty God of the Universe. Not gonna do it. Touch a woman with the almighty willie? No. Way. Instead, uses the talents of a holy ghost, gets the gal preggers, and the rest is history.
NTTAWWT, but my gay-dar goes to 10 in regards to the Almighty God of the Universe. Just. Sayin'.
That's one great replay of the God dichotomy . Got me chuckling with my first morning coffee. Thanks.
DeleteAnon. 5:22 -- Thank you so much for this so Awesome coverage of the 'Almighty God of the Universe'!!
DeleteThoroughly enjoyed reading it (twice), and would like to copy and share it with others, if that is OK ?
Thanks again -- Loved this. :D
Wow. I think you just blew my mind.
DeleteM from MD
Thanks! Please feel free to use it freely 5:22. It's a pared down version from my stand up routine. (not a professional, just a living room-captive audience wannabe)
DeleteJohn Cleese wrote in his Autobiography -- the question is not why people ridicule religions, the real question is -- why is it so easy?
DeleteBoy, am I damn glad I came back to this 'yesterday' post. Outstanding, bravo!
DeleteAll powerful my ass
ReplyDeleteYou'd think if you were fantasizing that you were speaking as God on the matter of hetero marriage, you would try to be a little more aware and make a little more effort than emulating a public restroom sign.
ReplyDeleteBut public restrooms are ground zero in this epic battle!
DeleteJust ask Michelle Duggar.
I'm pretty sure the real message here is that gay marriage between any two people is fine as long as one wears pants and the other wears a cape....
Delete(with apologies to whomever came up with that great image of the woman's restroom silhouette that said "it was never a dress" and depicted a superhero cape).
Puny god.
ReplyDeleteWouldn't signing God's *name* to your own personal words and prejudices be tantamount to blasphemy? Putting your words in God's mouth? That would also negate half of the Buybull's BS. Unless I too can hear what God is "telling" you, then your assertions are empty yappings.
ReplyDeleteI don't have any problem with it.
Delete~ Sarah Palin
My problem with your comment is not meant as a slam, okay? It's just that god - even capitalized - is NOT a name! There are over a hundred fifty listed in the judaic writings and the bible. None of which is god.
DeleteHaving said that, the fools who publish crap like that billboard DO claim it as a name. It just makes me laugh at them.
From burning bushes and stone tablets to a billboard in Oklahoma...what a comedown for the Big Guy.
ReplyDeleteAnd yet this God fell had no problem with the countless variation in the buy-bull; one man, 700 concubines, one man, the virgin he bought from her father, one man, several wives...
ReplyDeleteCan you imagine the billboard company's surprise when God called to order an ad? I wonder if he used a phone or email?
ReplyDeleteMildred
Good one, Mildred!
DeleteApparently God has creator's remorse. As the architect of all things, he surely created gays, a decision he now seems to regret.
ReplyDeleteI believe that in the bible there are many other definitions of marriage besides one woman plus one man.
ReplyDeleteGoogle biblical marriage chart.jpg. You'll find one that Gryphen has posted any times. The chart shows eight of the variations allowed.
DeleteThank you Leland and @11:14. I did locate the chart and found it very interesting. BTW, I always enjoy your posts Leland.
DeleteThis is an example of the true meaning of taking the Lord's name in vain. The guy responsible for this sign is definitely going to hell.
ReplyDeleteNo, he is not. One day he will simply cease to exist. Hell is a man made creation designed for control and to make people feel guilty about things other deem as sinful.
DeleteThese things always bring to mind that great quote from one of the early Star Trek movies.
ReplyDeleteThe original Enterprise somehow ends up at the edge of the galaxy where some guy claims he's God. He says Kirk and company are part of a Great Plan and that God needs them to take him to some more populated part of the galaxy to fulfill the Almighty Plan.
Captain Kirk considers it a while but comes (rightly) to the conclusion and says the immortal quote:
"What does God "need with a starship?!?"
Bingo! Prize for Captain Kirk. If God is indeed God the Almighty and can do anything, anytime, why does he need the help of a puny mortal?
Even more so, and to the point here. Why would God need the help of a freaking billboard? Or anyone's money?
I asked him to help me find 2 shoes that looked the same this morning. Do you think that he would? Hell no! But my husband did.
ReplyDeleteMaybe your husband is a god !?! Not The God, A god.
DeleteIf G_d is perfect and she/he created everyone, then why would she/he have an issue with all people made in her/his own image? That would include gays, no?
ReplyDeleteAnd also too, why would a G_d need "help" from his/her creatures?
I am a conservative Republican and evangelical Christian who has been reading this blog for several weeks (I started due to the Bristol Palin pregnancy story.) There are a few things I'd like to say.
ReplyDeleteOne, all of you are right for calling conservatives hypocritical for not going after Bristol for getting pregnant out of wedlock. And yes, that there's no way they would allow the Obama daughters to behave like this. I knew this in 2008. My own side is guilty as charged on this one.
Two, I believe that at least two of Bristol's pregnancies were intentional - this current one and Tripp. No one anywhere has mentioned that she got pregnant a month or two after her son turned 6. This would mean that she has another cute cuddly baby to play with and another 6 years to be out of the job market since children start elementary school at age 6. She is choosing single motherhood as a career. She chose this baby the way she chose to become pregnant with Tripp.
Three, I agree that this billboard makes no sense. God does not have "needs." But not every Christian operates with the theological sophistication of a Bible scholar or pastor. Sometimes, motivated by political or social goals, people don't give enough thought to what they are writing and make mistakes like this.
That said, I enjoy this blog and find it interesting.
Hello, 6:03! I am a quite liberal Democrat who believes in a higher power and Christian. I enjoyed your comments and am glad you are here. I've been reading this blog steadily for over one year and I find it interesting as well. One thing that I have also noticed is that newcomers or others with a different point of view are not always treated respectfully here. They are cursed at, called trolls or other such insults. I am sure you and I will disagree on many issues proffered here in the future, but no two people view every single issue in the same way. Nonetheless, welcome and I hope you will post more often.
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