Tuesday, December 22, 2009

A little humor for this morning from the Onion. "The Top Ten Stories of the Last 4.5 Billion Years".

This list had me laughing out loud.

All ten are pretty funny, but it was number five that really tickled me and convinced me to write a post about it. (If you are confused as to why this one stuck out, just remember who is a consistent visitor to this blog.)

Sumerians Look On In Confusion As God Creates World

Members of the earth's earliest known civilization, the Sumerians, looked on in shock and confusion some 6,000 years ago as God, the Lord Almighty, created Heaven and Earth.

According to recently excavated clay tablets inscribed with cuneiform script, thousands of Sumerians—the first humans to establish systems of writing, agriculture, and government—were working on their sophisticated irrigation systems when the Father of All Creation reached down from the ether and blew the divine spirit of life into their thriving civilization.

"I do not understand," reads an ancient line of pictographs depicting the sun, the moon, water, and a Sumerian who appears to be scratching his head. "A booming voice is saying, 'Let there be light,' but there is already light. It is saying, 'Let the earth bring forth grass,' but I am already standing on grass."

"Everything is here already," the pictograph continues. "We do not need more stars."

Historians believe that, immediately following the biblical event, Sumerian witnesses returned to the city of Eridu, a bustling metropolis built 1,500 years before God called for the appearance of dry land, to discuss the new development. According to records, Sumerian farmers, priests, and civic administrators were not only befuddled, but also took issue with the face of God moving across the water, saying that He scared away those who were traveling to Mesopotamia to participate in their vast and intricate trade system.

Moreover, the Sumerians were taken aback by the creation of the same animals and herb-yielding seeds that they had been domesticating and cultivating for hundreds of generations.

"The Sumerian people must have found God's making of heaven and earth in the middle of their well-established society to be more of an annoyance than anything else," said Paul Helund, ancient history professor at Cornell University. "If what the pictographs indicate are true, His loud voice interrupted their ancient prayer rituals for an entire week."

7 comments:

  1. Anonymous6:20 AM

    Love it. Almost makes me wish I had some fundie friends to forward it to.

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  2. CGinWI6:35 AM

    That's terrific! Yay Onion!

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  3. LMAO!! Oh my Gryphen that was funny!

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  4. Anonymous7:01 AM

    Good one... number 5, as you indicated, will serve as a milestone of complete confusion to some people that believe the stone age is still here...

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  5. Anonymous7:31 AM

    Plus his description of the dull witted humans created from dirt my explain our Sarah problem.

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  6. That was great. Keep em coming!

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  7. Funny as hell Gryphen, even though you have probably alienated half the Christian dopes who follow your blog! You're not supposed to raise the 6000 year issue with them. We're supposed to pretend but not pretend or at least keep common sense separate from religion. The two are not reconciliable dear Gryphen.

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