Greta Van Susteren interviews Sarah Plain about the Duck Dynasty debacle, phony wars on Christmas, and that time she was wrong about wanting Bristol to get married, while Palin struggles to stay conscious.

Greta starts off by introducing the Duck Dynasty brouhaha and mentions that Palin was one of the firs to get her panties in a twist over it.

Palin: "Yeah well this is becoming a discussion now I think outside of the legal realm, letting attorneys decide whether its a free speech in..the..of..the..rule of law or not (Someone's medication needs to be adjusted), and now it's becoming more of a discussion..uh..within the exchange of ideas in the public and private square, and in pop culture, whether we're allowed to express our personal opinions without..um..threats of intimidation, and mockery, and criticism, and loss of jobs, and revenue. It's becoming a greater, bigger issue than what it started out to be just a few days ago." (Somewhere Martin Bashir is banging his head against the wall in frustration.)

Greta seems to catch the hypocrisy flowing here, and says "I think people loosely use the term 'free speech' meaning that all the sudden you have people jump someone for saying something and that you don't jump others. I think that is sort of the inequity, either we are going to let people trash talk or we're not going to let people trash talk. but on the same token sort of let..if the market wants to be such that people don't want to watch someone so be it." (Carefully watch Palin's chest heave during this part and you can tell that she is seething that Greta came so close to calling her a hypocrite.)

Palin: " Well that's right. (It is?) And that's why I say that attorneys discuss and argue whether it's a legal free speech issue or not, but I'm hearing a lot of people start discussing now whether in our, especially pop culture venues, whether we're going to be allowed, without threats of a lot of intimidation, and loss of opportunities, to express our opinions." (Clearly somebody wasn't listening.)

So Greta tries again "It's one thing to express your opinion, do you have any problem about the manners in how he said it. I mean we don't talk about it on television much, but if you actually read the article there's a rather graphic and offen..at last I think offensive description of it. I mean there are two ways to say different things and his..in the article, and I know he's a graphic type guy, but do you have any objection on the manners aspect, how he said it?"

(Wait for it.)

Palin: "I haven't read the article. I don't know exactly how he said it".

(Did you get that? This woman who went all in to defend Phil Robertson in response to his horrific and insensitive language, not just against the LGBT population, but also concerning African Americans in the pre-civil rights era, has NEVER read the fucking interview!)

But wait, there's more.

Palin: "But Greta..uh..uh..what he was doing was in response to a question about a lifestyle that he disagrees with and yet he has said over and over again, he doesn't hate the person engaging in a lifestyle he disagrees with but he..he.. in response he was quoting the Gospel, so people who are so insulted, and offended by what he said evidently are offended by what he was quoting in the Gospels so you know that's a whole..that's another interesting aspect in all of this." 

(Yeah the book you all claim to get your sense of morality from is full of hate and prejudice, that is the "interesting aspect in all of this.")

Greta, who by the way now looks completely disgusted with Plain asks her about Cracker Barrel's response, and the Wasilla Wendigo mocks them for expressing their opinion and suggest they "thicken their skin."

At this point Van Sustern takes a break. (Probably so that she can fins a soundproof room nearby to scream out in frustration.) And when they come back Palin looks like she may have self medicated, looking for all the world like somebody JUST woke her up for the interview.

As Greta wades into the phony War on Christmas Plain sounds groggy and barely coherent, as she attempts to pimp her book and drum up outrage that Christians cannot force others to celebrate the holidays the way they want.

( I am going to transcribe a little more in a few minutes. I need more coffee, and possibly a moment to go into a room and do my own primal screaming.)

(I'm back.)

Greta asks Palin to elaborate on why there is this so-called the war on Chirstmas.

Palin: "I think that people are offended, some people, at the idea that we aren't 'all that,' we're not the center of the universe and we as fallible, mistake man, we should be serving something greater than self. Our world would be a lot healthier, more peaceful, safer place if we were all to be more selfless and serve something greater than self, ie our creator, and I think that idea is really offensive to a lot of people, especially the elites who kind of control much of the media, much of politics, because they do thing they're 'all that.' They think they're the hope, the change, the answer. They think they can create utopia, when you when most of us, who are humble enough to admit that man can't do that. We're..we're.. so fallen that we need a savior. We..we.. need something  to look to for strength, and hope, and peace, and joy, and a lot of us look to God for that."

(Okay did the woman who is on a book tour selling a book ghostwritten for her in order to keep her name in the limelight, and who claims to believe in a religion that argues the entire universe was created by God specifically for THEM, just suggest that those who do not think like she does are the arrogant selfish ones? I don't think I spent enough time doing my primal scream to get through this. By the way, she DOES realize she is being interviewed by a Sceintologist right?)

Greta decides at this point to suggest that there is room for everybody during the holidays and wants to know why people choose to "jab" each other about religion this time of year? Clearly this is directed at Palin's lack of  understanding toward those who do not celebrate the way she does, but does she get the hint? Hell no!

Palin: "They jab people, they waste a lot of money, like that billboard."

(This refers to the Atheist billboard that was brought up at the start of the interview.)

"Why didn't they take the money they were gonna spend on trying to offend Christians or anybody who believes in Jesus being the reason for the season (You know I think that is ONLY the Christians.) Why didn't they spend that money on helping the needy, or helping the poor, uh..I think that was a waste of resources." (Did she seriously just say that? )

At this point Great returns to discussing the ghostwritten book and ask Palin about the time she admitted she was wrong (There's a Christmas miracle for you.), that supposedly centered around when Bristol told her she was pregnant, (Which time?)

Palin: "Yeah, I think that is some of the heart of Christmas, being humble enough to admit that again we're 'not all that' we don't have all the answers. In that episode that I was reflecting upon when Bristol came to us to tell us that she was..uh..going to have a baby and Todd and I argued over what should she do next, I..you know..I thought she should get married, and Todd said 'No, there's already been a heap of trouble piled on her plate let's not encourage more heaping of more trouble on her plate.'  We argued about it and then I realized that he was right, and he WAS right. Humbled myself and told him that, and reflected upon that in the book and that again has a lot to do with that humbleness of Jesus being born in a manger, not as some lofty king who..um..came down amongst privilege and..um..in your face kinda lecturing of everybody else in the culture in which he was a part of. And..uh..much of the spirit of Christmas has to do with being humble enough to accept that and have that childlike faith to know that it was real." 

Holy shit! what the hell was all of that?

So she agreed that Todd was right about Bristol getting married because Jesus was born in a manger and you have to be a child to believe any of that was real? Is THAT the takeaway here?

Okay well there are a few more minutes of the interview and you all are welcome to listen to them and share with others what she says, but Gryphen is taking a mental health break here.

(It is not quite 8:00 AM here, but I am wondering if it is okay to start drinking this early since it's a holiday, and Jesus was born in a manger and everything?)