Today is Superbowl with an L and a couple of I's. I have no idea what that spells.

So today is indeed the Superbowl game of 2018.

Everybody is very, very excited.

Except of course me and probably a lot of the women.

If you are a wife this means of course that you have an increased chance of being the victim of domestic abuse, or at the very least will have to listen to your man yell at his TV like a freaking psychopath.

If you are a female who likes football then more power to you, I think you must have accidentally received my football lovers gene by mistake. Cause mine is missing.

If you have been a visitor here in the past then you likely know that I ONLY watch one football game a year, and this is it.

(This is no joke I only learned which teams were playing yesterday afternoon.)

I know very little about the teams, except that I fucking hate the Patriots and damn it this year they need to lose, and lose big!

I really mostly like the cool commercials and previews to upcoming movies which always premiere on Superbowl day.

And of course the best part may be that we do not have to listen to any Trump lies today.

A reminder about what's missing from the Super Bowl pre-game show: President Trump. He's snubbing NBC (https://t.co/w7lcvtF3eR) https://t.co/QjzEq8F8Xc

— Brian Stelter (@brianstelter) February 4, 2018

Pansy ass!

I will update this post with tweets and perhaps a few of those cool commercials as the day progresses.

However be warned that today is also the only day that I drink beer and the effect that beer has on me is that it lowers my IQ and allows me to enjoy watching a bunch of grown ass men playing a children's game for obscene amounts of money.

That also means that my updates can be a little nonsensical and even odd.

Anyhow here is your open thread, do with it as you will.

Update: Maybe for their next Superbowl Tom Brady will not walk into the stadium like the biggest douchebag on the planet.

 I mean, seriously?

The unaired Superbowl commercial that everybody is talking about.

Courtesy of HuffPo: 

The ad featured a Spanish-speaking mother and daughter apparently traveling from Mexico to the United States. The end, which shows the pair discovering a door in a giant wall, was reportedly banned from TV since it commented on President Donald Trump’s promised border wall.

A part of the ad was shown which then directed you to Journey84.com which then promptly crashed. (Back up now.)

However attempts to stifle the message of inclusion ultimately failed miserably: 

One after another, on the NRG Stadium field, on the streets of Houston and perhaps most important of all, in ad after ad from the giants of corporate America such as Coke and Anheuser-Busch, a message of inclusion and equality in defiance of Trump emanated from an event that always is much more than a football game. 

The tone was set inside the massive football stadium even before kickoff when three stars of the hit musical Hamilton made a simple but significant addition to the words of America the Beautiful. 

When the original Hamilton cast’s Schuyler Sisters trio of Phillipa Soo, Renee Elise Goldsberry and Jasmine Cephas Jones reached the line, “And crown thy good with brotherhood,” they smiled and added, “and sisterhood,” to a roar from the crowd.

At halftime the irrepressible Lady Gaga also let her feelings be known with an amazing performance that not only entertained but also could be its own advertisement for inclusion and acceptance: 

Before plunging toward the field, tethered by wires, she added, “One nation. Under God. Indivisible. With liberty. And justice. For all.” 

A few minutes later, singing Born This Way she added the word “transgender” to the Super Bowl conversation likely for the first time ever: “No matter gay, straight, or bi, Lesbian, transgender life…”

Ultimately Donald Trump's favorite quarter back may have won the game, but the message of the day was anything but Trump approved. 

Superbowl Open Thread.

It is almost impossible to put politics aside these days, but I am going to try for at least the length of this one game.

As those of you who have been visiting here for awhile know, I really don't watch football.

Ever.

Except for this one game, which is a tradition I started way back in my early twenties. (I don't remember why.)

Typically I would be spending the game eating greasy fattening foods, drinking beer (Another thing I only do during the Superbowl.) and arguing with my brother about who was going to win and why Mom loves me most. But he recently moved out to Palmer and apparently it is too far to schlep his candy ass into town to watch it in the comfort of my luxurious office.

His loss.

Anyhow like I said before I have not been paying much attention to the game, but I have decided to root for the Atlanta Falcons because....you know.....fuck Tom Brady.

Anyhow I am mostly watching for the commercials anyhow.

Yep, this is what I'm wasting my time on this afternoon.

So it is a Gryphen family tradition to put all politics on hold for awhile once a year, load up the table with artery clogging fatty foods, and sit down to enjoy the great American pastime.

Watching the newest and coolest commercials premiere during some sports game.

As anybody who has visited here for any length of time already knows, I am not much of a televised sports enthusiast.

But I DO take the occasional vacation from the ole intellect, down a few brewskies, and allow myself to enjoy what is essentially the modern day equivalent of the Roman Gladiator games. (Only with perhaps a little more violence.)

I must confess I did not watch a single football game before today and had to ask around to find out who is playing.

But now that I know it's the kittens versus the ponies I am all hopped up and ready to watch the kind of aggressive game play which guarantees that many of these players will suffer the kind of head trauma that will ensure that they have forgotten not just this game, but where they live and their own names by the time they reach their mid sixties.

If there broken down bodies allow them to live that long of course. 

Yep, can hardly wait.

Let's play (Actually let's sit on our fat asses and watch) some FOOTBALL!

So today is the day where I do a bunch of things I NEVER do.

I'm going to watch a football game. (I have watched absolutely NO football games this year.)

I am going to watch commercials. (I usually turn the sound off when they come on.)

I am going to eat potato chips. (I very rarely eat chips.)

I am going to drink beer. (I bought a six pack for the last Superbowl and I did not drink the last beer until right before Christmas.)

And I am going to listen to Katy Perry sing. (I have heard her sing exactly two songs, "I Kissed a Girl" and "Roar." And I don't even remember why I listened to those.)

But today like millions of my fellow Americans I am going to participate in the ritual known as Superbowl Sunday.

I actually tend to enjoy it. In fact the games in the last few years have been pretty exciting.

However I am, for the most part, morally opposed to football since it causes lifelong suffering for those who play professionally and even men who played as kids can suffer debilitating brain injuries that can effect them for the rest of their lives.  

I sort of approach the Superbowl like I do Christmas. I'm not really a believer, and I think being drawn into the faith that promotes it can be injurious, but I enjoy the pageantry.

If all goes well I will see a good game, gain four pounds, and who knows maybe Katy Perry will pull a Janet Jackson and the halftime show will actually be memorable.

Okay now who's playing again?

My favorite Superbowl commercial so far.

Okay now THAT'S pretty funny.

Honey Maid's wonderful response to negativity about advertisement featuring same sex parenting, is your "must see" of the day.

The above was the commercial that Honey Maid put out last month.

As you can imagine it attracted quite a lot of vitriol from those on the Right Wing.

Including this idiotic response from One Million Moms:  

Nabisco should be ashamed of themselves for their latest Honey Maid and Teddy Graham cracker commercial where they attempt to normalize sin. Right away it shows two men with a baby, followed by other families, and ends with different families pictured including the one with two dads. This commercial not only promotes homosexuality, but then calls the scene in the advertisement wholesome. The ad states, "Everyday wholesome snacks for every wholesome family. This is wholesome." 

One Million Moms stands up for Biblical truth which is very clear in Romans 1:26-27 about this particular type of sexual perversion. 

Honey Maid is also using the hashtag #thisiswholesome. There is concern about the way this ad is pushing the LGBT agenda, but an even greater concern is the way that they are changing the meaning of the word "wholesome." This is truly sad. 

If this is what Honey Maid thinks is wholesome, then my family will no longer purchase Honey Maid or Nabisco products.

(By the way One Million Moms has nowhere near that many members.)

Apparently these homophobes thought that if they threatened not to eat graham crackers anymore they would bring Honey maid to its knees.

So how did the company respond?

See for yourself.

You know what I haven't had in a long time?

Graham crackers and peanut butter.

I think that would just about hit the spot today.

Did you notice the Antichrist pretending to be a puppy during that Superbowl commercial? No? Well that's only because YOU are sane.

Did you see that cute commercial? Doesn't it fill you with fuzzy feelings and happiness?

Well that's clearly because you are a sin filled pagan destined to end up in the fiery pits of hell.

Don't believe me? See for yourself:  

William Tapley, the evangelist who gained fame when he said public works of art in the Denver airport included hidden phallic symbols, now sees evil in a puppy that appeared in a Super Bowl commercial. 

In a video posted to YouTube on Friday Tapley says the Budweiser commercial in which a Labrador retriever puppy is born among Clydesdale horses and keeps running away from adoptive human parents to rejoin them is evidence of the nearing of the end times. 

“It is talking about the arrival of the Antichrist,” Tapley said in his video. 

In the commercial called "Puppy Love," which won USA Today’s Super Bowl ad contest, the puppy is born at a ranch identified as “Warm Springs.” “That is code for 'lake of fire,'” Tapley said. “(That’s) where our puppy dog comes from. … But this puppy dog is more than a cute, warm, fuzzy animal. He is a symbol of the Antichrist.” 

Tapley sees symbolism throughout the commercial, saying that four of the Budweiser Clydesdale horses represent the “beasts of the apocalypse” and a fifth is a false prophet. 

“Will the end times signs and wonders in this commercial never cease?” he asks.

Dammit! And here I thought I was watching an innocent beer commercial about a giant Clydesdale's unnatural and inappropriate relationship with a clearly underage puppy. 

Nice try Budweiser, but this Tapley guy is not so easy to fool!

Happy Super Bowl Day!

Do you know what I love about Superbowl Sunday?

It is just about the ONLY American religious holiday that I can participate in without reservation.

Oh sure I'm worried about concussions, and the long term physical effects that the game has on the athletes, but not nearly enough to let it diminish in any way the taste of my special Superbowl nacho and guacamole platter. Yum, yum!

My brother is coming over later today and we will engage in our usual Superbowl ritual of him blaming me for everything that went wrong in his life, and my telling him that he was adopted.

Then at some point we will have our usual argument about whose fault it is that our parents got divorced and we will finish up the day with him in a headlock and my telling him that being an inch and half taller is no compensation for having an ingrown penis.

Ahh, good times!

I am not going to tell any of you who to root for, but you should be aware that the Ravens are going to win. I tell you this to you with the casual confidence of somebody who just learned three days ago who was even playing this year, and who chose the Ravens simply because he learned that the 49ers are homophobic. Good enough for me, go Ravens!

Okay so I don't pay attention to football all that much, sue me.

Besides we all know why MOST of you will be tuning in anyhow, don't we?

And of course it can't be the Superbowl without at least ONE controversial ad, right? Ooh, the line up looks good this year.

Everybody needs one of these sometime. But what if that sometime never came?

Watch until the end.

Herman Cain's rabbit catapulting commercial to warn against taxes on small businesses.

I don't believe I have a coherent response to that.

Except that apparently Herman Cain HATES Peter Cottontail. And that little girl is going to give me nightmares.

Anyhow here is the Sick of Stimulus website which encourages you to tell them just how offensive you found that rabbit murdering commercial.

And by the way kids, for obvious reasons, Easter is cancelled this year.

Beige meets Off White as Tim Pawlenty injects a little...a little...well whatever is the opposite of "excitement" into the Mitt Romney campaign.

"You're just kidding that I have to wear the magic underwear right Mitt?"

Courtesy of The New York Times:

Mr. Pawlenty, the former governor of Minnesota who ended his quest for the Republican nomination last month, chose Mr. Romney over Gov. Rick Perry of Texas, whom he was close to from their years serving on the Republican Governors Association. 

Many of Mr. Pawlenty’s contributors and supporters had been waiting for a signal from him in the escalating contest between Mr. Romney and Mr. Perry. And Mr. Pawlenty had been looking for help in retiring a campaign debt of at least $500,000. 

In a statement announcing Mr. Pawlenty as a national co-chairman of his campaign, Mr. Romney said: “Tim will be a trusted adviser as I move forward with my campaign. Tim has always been an advocate for lower taxes, reduced spending and an environment where jobs can be created. It is an honor to have him serve as co-chair to my campaign for the presidency.” 

Mr. Pawlenty, in an interview Monday morning on “Fox and Friends,” said of Mr. Romney, “I believe he’s going to be our party’s nominee.”

Oh yeah, THIS is what a campaign that has a mild mannered sofa cushion for a candidate does to reinvigorate their message.  Add the guy that restless sheep count jumping into a campaign at night to help them fall asleep.

The only way that Pawlenty could possibly make the Romney campaign more interesting is if Mitt lit him on fire and pushed him into a crowd of kerosene soaked Teabaggers. (I have to admit I would probably tune in for that.)

Of course now that Tim "Micheal Bay" Pawlenty is on board, he MIGHT be able to jazz up Romney's campaign commercials, and take them from this:

To this:

After all we know how much these advertisements helped Tim Pawlenty.

Wait that didn't come out right.

SarahPAC creates another campaign commercial for Sarah Palin's non-existent campaign.

So let me get this straight.

SarahPAC spends their donations on air travel, bus rental, and hotel costs for Sarah Palin, and whichever family member she can bribe/convince/threaten to come with her, so that she can travel to a certain venue in the United States.

Then Palin is filmed walking around, shaking hands, and answering a few reporters questions.

That footage is then very carefully edited to make it appear that she did something political. 

The same soaring soundtrack that was in her previous pseudo political advertisements is then added to tug at the heartstrings of the viewers.

After that the whole thing is thrown up on various pro-Palin websites to encourage MORE donations to SarahPAC, which are necessary to pay for the NEXT fake political appearance, in order to obtain MORE footage to use in the NEXT fake political commercial, which can then be used to grift MORE money from the slowest learners on the planet.

Do I have that about right?

A couple of things to note.

First, we now understand the reason behind this huge, gaudy bracelet that Palin wore in Iowa. 

If you watch the video you will notice that EVERY time she shakes someones hand the red, white and ridiculous accoutrement is prominently displayed, sending the subliminal message that Palin is super-duper patriotic.

Second there were also a large number of brown people in the video, which proves, once again, that Palin is definitely reading the comments here and recognized that people noticed that her other videos had featured ONLY white folks.

Third, there was a LOT of effort this time to show Palin answering questions from REPORTERS.

Clearly that is in response to criticisms that she never spoke to any members of the press except Fox News talking heads.  Which means to me, that Palin purposefully went out of her way to talk to reporters specifically for THIS video.

"Wait, are you saying that she used me?"

Yes Don Lemon, yes I am.

So Palin swoops into Iowa, distracts the media from covering the REAL candidates running for the GOP nomination, and gets a fundraising video out of the deal as well. Pretty slick.

The only down side for Sister Sarah is that she managed to piss off almost everybody who ever supported her.  But as long as she can still string along the dipshits over at the Sea O' Pea, and get them to send her their hard earned money, I am not sure she even gives a flying crap about whose toes she steps on.

Which I guess really only leaves one question left to answer about Snowdrift Snooki's next move.

(H/T to Azure Ghost for the graphic.)

Commercial featured in the Superbowl goes viral, and the game has not even STARTED yet!

Well I have my snacks. The big screen is all fired up. And I am in my "watching the Superbowl sweatpants."

All I am waiting for is my brother to get here with the beer, and we can get this party started!

Update: The Doritos commercial where the grandfather comes back to life is my favorite so far. Damn funny!