In May eight people learned the hard way that Alaskan moose are dangerous.

Big nope right here.

Courtesy of ADN: 

A moose attack in an Eagle River neighborhood, which sent a woman to the hospital with serious injuries, was just one of eight run-ins with Anchorage's most visible urban animal resulting in injuries in May, officials said. 

The woman was either jogging with or walking her dogs in the Eaglewood subdivision on May 22 when she got too close to a cow moose and its two calves, said Alaska Department of Fish and Game wildlife biologist Dave Battle. 

"She didn't have time. … The moose attacked her, and came back twice, which is why she was injured so badly," said Eaglewood operations manager Mark McAllister. 

Anecdotally, eight moose encounters resulting in injuries is a lot, said Fish and Game public information officer Ken Marsh. There may have been more encounters, but many go unreported, as is often the case with wildlife incidents, Marsh said.

Eight does seem a little high, though aggressive moose encounters are certainly not rare in Anchorage. 

I have lived here for 57 years, and thankfully my few run ins with our giant ungulates have been relatively minor.

I was once chased back to my car after accidentally walking through an open gate which panicked the ungodly large bull moose chewing on leaves from a tree in back yard and sent it hurtling in my direction with antlers set on "skewer."

Another close call was during my paper route days when I accidentally hit a newborn calf with a carelessly tossed rolled up newspaper while distracted by its large and intimidating mother.

Fortunately she accepted my profuse apology which was delivered in hushed tones as I slowly backed away from the yard.

There have been a few others on bike trails, hiking trips, and once even on horseback, but they were less urine inducing, and not really worth mentioning.

However in Anchorage there have been some really unfortunate encounters, some quite fatal, which should serve to remind us all that just because they appear tame and even check both ways before crossing the highway, does NOT mean they are even remotely domesticated. 

Well it looks like Todd Palin has made a full, and somewhat miraculous recovery.

Courtesy of the Bride of Frankenstein's Facebook page: 

And the men... they brought home dinner. 

Fresh organic pure protein from God's green earth. (I can't get skunked! It's my turn next.)

 I am usually somewhat underwhelmed with the Toad, but I have to say that this is quite a feat considering that it was only six month ago that he was in intensive care.

Remember Palin's description of his injuries?

He's still in ICU under care of a superbly skilled staff. A long surgery repaired numerous breaks in Todd's upper body, docs essentially lifted and secured every rib with steel bands, anchored the broken clavicle with plates and rods, set aside repair of a broken shoulder for later (also later are more minor things like ACL/MCL knee injuries), still mechanically inflating one collapsed lung while other bruised lung, liver, etc., are watched; chest drain is working overtime to keep things clear.

Numerous breaks, steel bands holding his ribs in place, a deflated lung, these are life threatening injuries.

So even to walk around on pavement without stopping to catch his breath or leaning on something for support is impressive, but to trudge through the Alaskan wilderness while packing 60 to 80 pounds of antlers is quite a feat indeed.

Especially for a fifty two year old man, whose recuperative abilities will have slowed down significantly.

Now before all of you start jumping on Todd for killing this magnificent animal, you need to remember that in Alaska hunting is something that almost EVERY Alaskan male does at least a few times in their lives. And many do it every season.

I have known doctors, lawyers, psychiatrists, bankers, you name it who drop everything during hunting season and head on out to shoot something. And going fishing is almost universal up here, for both sexes.

Now as for Sarah going hunting, that is another story altogether.

 Yes Palin certainly does love to have her picture taken with dead things.

But from what I have heard it is quite unlikely that she killed ANY of them.

In fact, according to Levi, Todd is not much of a hunter either, and the trophies on his walls were purchased and not shot by anybody in the family.

However it feeds into Palin's mythology about her family that they are seen as big time hunters.

And she is not above faking a trophy, or a hunt, or just about anything else to further that agenda.

Not that I am saying that is what happened in this case, I am only pointing out that there is a pattern.

You know I think the animals in Alaska are getting a little TOO comfortable with people.

Courtesy of Alaska Dispatch:  

A moose calf was born in the parking lot of an Anchorage Lowe's hardware store on Tuesday, to the delight of shoppers. 

"I just seen a brand new baby moose 15 minutes old born in a Lowes parking lot!!!" one onlooker posted on Facebook, along with several photos of the cow moose and newborn.

You know first we have a mama bear blocking traffic up the street from my house with her unruly cubs, and now we have moose mothers just birthing calves right on the edge of town.

It is like a damn critter day care around here.

This is why we can't have nice things in Alaska.

Courtesy of Alaska Dispatch:  

A moose with an appetite for music surprised a Denali National Park and Preserve employee last week at her home in Interior Alaska. 

On May 4, Britta Schroeder was drifting off to sleep when her wind chimes began to ring. It’s windy in Healy, the Interior Alaska community just north of the park, so at first she didn’t think much of it, Schroeder said. 

But “it continued on and on,” Schroeder said. Once her dog’s ears perked up, she realized an animal must be outside her door. 

She peeked outside and saw the moose, which a co-worker told Schroeder is likely a female. Schroeder opened her door just a crack -- so that her dog wouldn’t get outside -- to take video.

You know that moose has a good ear for music. That was actually a little pleasant.

Of course she kind of broke the chimes, but what do you expect? She's a moose.

You know I don't think you can actually live in Alaska for too long without having at least one or two moose stories to share.

I have a few such as the day I was delivering newspapers and hit a baby moose while standing uncomfortably close to its mother.

Or the time that I accidentally blocked the only exit out of a fenced back yard and in response was charged by a bull moose which chased me all the way back to my car.

Or the time I put my name on the list to help a non-profit organization harvest the meat from a moose that had been struck by a car. Yeah, that was a bad night.

For the most part however the moose and the people live in some harmony, though there are certainly times of the year when you want to give them a wide berth. 

This guy moved to Alaska last year. I found that his videos are quite informative, and his girlfriend's reactions are priceless.

So the park that this guy visits is called Elderberry park, and when my daughter was younger it was one of my favorite little parks to take her to.

The mud he is referring to is on the mudflats where we have signs up to keep the tourists from walking out, sinking in, and dying. Cause that's something that happens. 

I LOVED his girlfriend's reaction to the moose. I cannot tell you how many times we have had visitors up from the lower forty eight whose entire mission in life is to see a moose, which are usually everywhere in the city, and never see one while they are here.

But invariably, and I am not making this up, we will see one on the way home from dropping them off at the airport. True story.

I also liked this guy's reaction to being asked if he is ready for the fall, though usually we ask if newcomers are ready for the winter. And yes we usually ask them in an ominous fashion.

This guy has a whole bunch of these vlogs on his YouTube channel, and if you want to get a real fresh look at living in Alaska I suggest you watch a couple of them.

Speaking of Alaskan experiences, I had one just the other day.

I let my daughter's dog outside in the backyard to do her business, and like five minutes later she starts barking to be let back in. Only the bark sounded a little off.

When I went to let her in she shot past me and ran upstairs. It was only when I was closing the sliding glass door that I looked out and realized there was a giant black bear in the area directly behind my house.

The funny thing is that I saw a bear run past my backyard when I first moved in here almost ten years ago, but it has been bear free ever since, up until this last Wednesday.

Now the dog has to stop and look all around before going outside.

Chickenshit.

Three men arrested for the stabbing death of a young moose in Anchorage.

Courtesy of the New York Daily News:  

Three men have been accused of stabbing a young moose to death at a park in Alaska's largest city, and police said witnesses reported seeing the men punching the animal and walking away. 

The men were arraigned Wednesday in the death of the yearling moose near a bike trail in Anchorage's Russian Jack Springs Park. All three were arrested on charges of animal cruelty, wanton waste of big game and tampering with evidence. 

Three witnesses called police shortly before 7:30 p.m. Tuesday to report the moose under attack. Assistant District Attorney Daniel Shorey in charging documents made no mention of a possible motive. 

Witness Don Brooks told officers he saw three men in a swampy area "punching" a moose. He yelled at them to stop, and saw them walk toward a park chalet, he said. Two others gave similar accounts to police. 

Police found the dead moose in blood-soaked grass with a large vertical cut on its left side. 

"There were multiple deep cuts that appeared to be slashing cuts on the left ribcage as well as apparent puncture wounds to the neck," Shorey wrote.

Let me tell you I have lived in this city for my entire life, and I have seen some fucked up shit, but NEVER anything like this.  Never.

Growing up here one of the things that is drilled into our heads from the time we are very young, is to never harass the moose that walk freely around our city.

Most of the time that guideline is for our own protection, but it is also to protect them. Because if a moose hurts a person, especially a child,  then they are usually put down.

A part of me would like to see a little primitive justice. Lock these three gentlemen in an enclosure with a full grown bull moose during the rutting season and see how they fair then. 

But that would be wrong, right? Right?

Sarah Palin brags that Ted Cruz came to her house for dinner, and encourages people to get out and vote. Finally, something we agree on.

Courtesy of the Ted Cruz groupie's Facebook page:

In Alaska, even the moose help with "Get Out The Vote" efforts. This little guy has been door-knocking since summer! Even our friend Senator Ted Cruz got to see him in the yard this weekend when the Senator stopped by for a bowl of moose chili (I assured him he wasn't eating this adorable ungulate's kin!). 

All over the political spectrum it's so important we all exercise our right to vote. Our democracy is the envy of the world, and to protect it our country's bravest have sacrificed more than most of us will ever know. To honor their service, please vote.

 - Sarah Palin

First off let me say that in NONE of the coverage of Cruz's visit to Alaska to stump for Dan Sullivan, was Sarah Palin's name mentioned. 

However it is clear that Palin was not about to let this opportunity go by without serving Rafael Cruz her infamous moose slop, and giving him a tour of the part of the house that Todd is forced to live in.

Gee I wonder why Palin was not standing with Cruz and Romney while they were stumping for Dan Sullivan? You would think that they could not keep her away if they tried.

Or perhaps they could, and did.

Anchorage Mayor, the OTHER Dan Sullivan, vetoes ordinance to protect local moose population.

Courtesy of Alaska Dispatch:  

Anchorage Mayor Dan Sullivan vetoed a recently approved ban on metal palisade fences Tuesday, referring to it as “government intrusion.” 

The ban, approved by the Anchorage Assembly in a 6-5 vote last week, was essentially a moose-protection measure. South Anchorage's Jennifer Johnston proposed it at the request of constituents who were alarmed by reports and photos of moose gored on sharp pales. 

“While the ordinance is well-intentioned, the cost/benefit analysis does not warrant this level of government intrusion,” Sullivan wrote in his veto message. 

Biologists have estimated that between two and four moose a year are gored on the fences, an incidence that Sullivan referred to as “very, very low.” The fence ban was supported by Anchorage area state wildlife biologist Jessy Coltrane, who testified at the Assembly hearing last week and said the moose gorings were both traumatic and preventable. 

In his veto message, Sullivan wrote that the total financial impact to property owners outweighed the benefits of “saving a few moose.”

We talk so much about the Dan Sullivan running against Mark Begich for his Senate seat, that we often forget about another equally unlikeable Dan Sullivan who is the current Mayor of Anchorage, and who is also running with Sean Parnell as a potential Lt. Governor. 

By the way one thing that almost all Anchorage citizens agree with is that they love having wildlife in their city. It is just one of those things that makes us especially unique.

And I can tell you right now that to most of us there is virtually NO financial burden that would outweigh the benefits of "saving a few moose."

I see this yet another black mark against the Parnell/Sullivan ticket. As if they needed any more of those.

Biologist learns the hard way that even baby moose can be dangerous. Update!

If that had been a full grown moose this poor guy would be a stain on the snow right about now.

Though I have read about many fatal encounters, I have been lucky enough to only have a handful of close calls in my life and no actual stomping.

The closest I came was accidentally blocking the only exit of a back yard and being charged by a bull moose and then chased all the way back to my car.

Update: I originally was told this was Alaska, but it turns out to be in Maine. 

Sarah Palin takes to Facebook to compare the Republican party to a dead moose. Whose side is she on again?

Photo of Todd Palin raping a carcass. Compared to his wife, probably not that much different.

This from the the Screeching She-Devil's Facebook page:

Yeah. Todd bagged a moose. Dinner. Appropriate to remind folks in the GOP establishment that the progressive Bull Moose Party also met its demise - in no small part because of some liberal positions it co-opted from the left.

Hold on there little miss "lack of reading comprehension."

While it may be true that the Bull Moose party was made up of former President Teddy Roosevelt's supporters who did not agree with the more conservative direction that the Republican party was taking, it was NOT the establishment party. It was a faction that split from the party leadership and attempted to run as a third party in 1912 against both the Republican nominee, William Howard Taft, and the Democrat nominee, Woodrow Wilson.

In the end Roosevelt managed to split the Republican vote, which allowed the Democrat, Wilson, to win.

That scenario does not match the metaphor of Palin's Facebook post.

To be more accurate, the Bull Moose Party, though considered more progressive, would be more representative of the insurgent Tea Party group of today, which, though more conservative than the establishment Republicans, is currently battling them for control, just like Roosevelt and his supporters did back in 1912.

So if history were to repeat itself, that would mean that a Tea Party candidate may inject themselves into the 2016 race against the Republican candidate, and Hillary Clinton.

So in that more honest scenario, which is the political party that suffers a crushing defeat and then dissolves after losing virtually all of its support?

The Republican party? Or the Teabaggers?

Need a hint? Like to use one of your lifelines? Perhaps phone a friend?

For those of my lower 48 friends who freak out over deer getting inside of buildings, imagine this!

This was on my Facebook feed and misidentified as a local Wal-Mart.

Extra karma points for anybody that can tell me what building that moose is terrorizing. and where it is located.

Here is an Alaskan "moment of zen" to send you off to dreamland.

Backyard Moose in Palmer, Alaska from Dennis Zaki on Vimeo.
My friend Dennis Zaki recorded this out of his back window in Palmer the other day.

They are pretty majestic alright.

Time to examine some Alaska stories that have nothing to do with you-know-who.

Hey do you remember that whole "global warming" thing that the Republicans keep telling you is a bunch of hooey?  Well it is getting ready to kick in big time thanks to Alaska permafrost, which is now no longer permanent, and no longer very damn frosty:

In a study that calculates what will happen if Arctic warming trends continue as predicted, Schaeffer and his co-authors estimate that almost two-thirds of the Earth's permafrost could melt by 2200, releasing vast stores of carbon-based greenhouse gases into the air, almost certainly accelerating climate warming in the Arctic and across the globe.

Perhaps soon the palm trees and flamingos in Spenard will no longer have to be made of plastic.

You animal lovers out there will be thrilled to learn that Alaska wildlife officials are appalled that Federal government will not let them slaughter wolves to increase caribou herds for human hunters. Undoubtedly Obama's fault.

It looks like four time Iditarod champion, and this year's favorite, Lance Mackey has run into a little bad luck.

Defending champion Lance Mackey dropped three dogs minutes after arriving in this chilly village checkpoint -- a move he says dampens his chances of winning a historic fifth-straight Iditarod.

This is kind of surprising considering how incredibly confident Mackey was at the start of this race.  At least that is how he appeared to my friend Dennis Zaki at the start of this most grueling of races.


Lance Mackey at the Iditarod Ceremonial start from Dennis Zaki on Vimeo.


There is talk of a brand new program coming from my home state called, wait for it, "Mounted in Alaska." And before you ask, no it is not porn.  Though personally I kind of wish it was.

And last but not least,  please remember if you do come to Alaska, the Moose are only for looking, NOT TOUCHING!

The moose kicked the unidentified woman several times -- including in the chest and shoulder -- but she was not injured badly enough to go to the hospital, according to police spokeswoman Anita Shell.

Witnesses told police that the moose kicked the woman, in her 20s, after she tried to pet it as it walked by, Shell said.

Yes, I know they are cuddly looking.  But so is Glenn Beck, and look how batshit crazy he is!

Here is a video of one of the amazing benefits of living in Alaska. This should sweeten your morning.

Seeing moose in an around Anchorage is one of the most common things you can imagine.

When I back my car out of the driveway I check the rear view mirror for both oncoming cars and moose.

However seeing baby moose as cute as these two is a rare treat indeed.