Sure, come on up and start digging!

Hail all of you fellow red staters from the recently thawed and somewhat damp state of Alaska.

You know I am absolutely on board with this idea of solving our current gasoline crisis with drilling a bunch of holes in the middle of the most pristine, untouched environment on the continent. In ten or twenty years we might see some oil and then we can build another "art deco " pipeline. (Those things go with just everything!) To me this makes just as much sense as anything else these Republicans have come up with.

Now before we begin there is one thing that I must insist on first. I would like to extend an invitation to all of the members of the Senate. Come out here and just look at all of this awe inspiring beauty that we have in our backyard. And to really get the most out of the experience I would like to suggest that you enjoy it utilizing some of our quaint native customs. Now this is information that is just not available to the usual tourists that help pay for my highways.

In order to get really close to the local woodland creatures the local native community will strip naked, smear themselves with fish blood and wait for some of our cuddly brown bears to wander up and gently nuzzle and lick them clean. Now there is nothing pornographic or sick about this it is simply a primitive rite of passage for our noble indigenous people. Now I insist that if the republicans are serious about drilling in ANWAR they need to make their peace with the creatures who might be inconvenienced by all of the noise, smoke, and cigarette butts.

Once every member of the Senate (and hey invite congress too) that is looking to pass this bill has enjoyed Alaska in this unique manner I cannot see a reason why the surv....um senators should not be allowed to proceed with their vote.