From True/Slant:
“You take the good. You take the bad. You take them all and there ya have…the facts of life. The facts of life.” That’s what my mom told the day she found out I was pregnant, folks. And it was so true. Soooo true. From the day I was given the life seed from my boyfriend who’s now dead to me, to the the day I gave birth to young little Trippy – it’s all been a fact of life. I mean literally. You know?
(nod) (wink)
Now, I know what you’re thinking. Or at least, someone told me what you’re thinking right before I came on. You’re wondering what qualifies me to speak to you here today. Well let me tell you what, y’all. I have had a lot of experiences. I’ve had a baby. Do you know how many people have done that? Not a lot, y’all. And even more, I did it by accident. So, good luck finding someone else to talk about that. I know what it’s like to live the hard life, and most of all, I know about abstinence.
I damn near spit my coffee onto my monitor while reading this. Too funny! Just click the link provided to read the whole "speech".
In order to do justice to Bristol's speech, you really should put up the full length version of this photo. Bristol has a rounded belly which says loud and clear, "I already had a baby and you can't." (Maybe two).
ReplyDeleteOh, isn't that cute! She sounds just like her mother! (I.e. She sounds like an ignorant uneducated hick.) What is this "I took my boyfriends seed?" Is this Paylin code for having unprotected sex?
ReplyDeletesatire
ReplyDeleteGot me! That's hilarious!
ReplyDeleteIs this for real?
ReplyDeleteThat is hysterical. Love satire!
ReplyDeleteMommy how long do I have to write on my hand before I get one of those prompter thingys like you and that guy who's name you told me to never say, you know the guy the white house, well mommy when can I have one, please mommy please!
ReplyDeleteCan you say, spoiled BRAT!
I just love that even satirical pieces eventually sound exactly like anything that comes out of a Palin's mouth. Just ask Tina Fey?
ReplyDeleteShe deserves to be ruthlessly mocked until she goes away in shame (which I know won't happen but one can hope.)
ReplyDeleteThis is satire right?
ReplyDeleteguy could have done better on it.
ReplyDeletehe forgot where she reads off her palm.. just like mom told her to do.
If her speaking tour does not do well... maybe she can practice pole dancing and enter beauty contests.
That has got to be a spoof of some sort. She can't really go out there and give that 5-10 minute speech and get 30K for it and expect to give another speech like that, can she?! Oh wait...who am I kidding. She is her mother's daughter!
ReplyDeleteLOL! I didn't know there is another 'Onion' out there!
ReplyDelete(It's a good take on what is most likely to come out of her pie hole...)
That was a joke right?
ReplyDeleteI'd like to know, too -- is this for REAL???????
ReplyDeleteThe entire "speech" seemed more like an uneducated ramble of denials and poor advice with a jab of hate thrown in. What a smarmy bunch the Palins are!
ReplyDeleteThis is my fav....... the two incubus hypocrites using children to hack for their beloved corporate business with the abundant Bristol pouring out of her shower curtain attire.
ReplyDeleteThe post "Dr. Drew, you disappoint me" had to be suspended It looks like all the Dr. Drew and Bristol favorable propaganda is what is allowed. The 'Event to Prevent' is a big hit, teens and parents must love that.
Are Bristol Palin's speeches too special to be allowed to go public?
Is this for real? If so, wouldn't expect her to have much of an impact and/or last long on the speaking tour. Plus, I think she appears matronly in this particular photo...not a good one of her at all.
ReplyDeleteGryphen -
ReplyDeleteGet her done already G- It's time--
Babygate is ripe and ready to fall from the tree-Even Syrin is talking about it-- There are eight ways from Sunday to make the case--
Let's go already.
Bye Bye Grifter Granny and Clonette
Folks, it's a joke. Satire!
ReplyDelete(nod) (wink) (pivot hip and pistol point fingers) "ain't I just the cutest 'lil ... you ever saw"
ReplyDelete==
The irony is that this good satire is way beyond Bristol's comprehension.
Do people not know what is meant when someone says to "put your tougue in cheek?" Gryphen clued us in with his first sentence that this was satire.
ReplyDeleteWow - Who are the "Mean Girls" now?
ReplyDeleteWhere is Bristol when her expertise is needed? Now that she nixed her mother's abstinent-only fallacy and moved on to "pause" or "get a condom, Benny boi" she will be an asset to solving these problems.
ReplyDeleteHigh school students and college-age adults have been complaining to District officials that the free condoms the city has been offering are not of good enough quality and are too small and that getting them from school nurses is "just like asking grandma or auntie."
"I was given the life seed from my boyfriend who's dead to me now"
ReplyDeleteOMFG, I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. It's almost Palin porn. Oh good grief. This is fricking hilarious.
I'm gonna say here and now the round tummy and swollen boobs in the floral dress pic looks almost exactly how she looked in the family picture on the deck in Sep 2007. She's either on the pill or she's got someone else's "seed" cooking.
She will be booed off the stage. No one can possibly be that ignorant on purpose! (compared to many younger girls that get preggers, Bristol was an old lady!)
ReplyDeleteI want to know details...like how many boys did you make it with and did you use protection? When did you first become sexually active? Do they have Drive Ins in Alaska or do you all find an abandoned house and party? Perhaps I am too old...I forget kids do it in their own beds under their parents noses.
Levi, if you are dead to Bristol, time to open up and not act like a gentlemen. Print that book!
Hilarious! I love satire!
ReplyDelete"Even if you hadn’t really done anything with the guy in like six months and that one time was only because his shirt was wet and your parents were out of town at the annual power of abstinence/big game hunt speaking weekend. Sex will get ya."
If this is real..... awwww, poor baby! Quit your whining and count yourself lucky. You have it so much better than most single moms that is it ridiculous. Your boyfriend's "dead" to you because you chose that. You are single because you chose that. You weren't raped. You weren't thrown out by your parents. You aren't really having to make it on a minimum wage job. You "pay" for a babysitter, if you do, because you choose. Somebody needs to give you a swift kick and tell you to grow up!
ReplyDeleteI damned near shit in my drawers! She could turn out worse than her old lady. What a lying scum bag this Palin is.
ReplyDeleteI think we are being punked. There is no way that she is going to have this as her $15,000- $30,000 speech. No way. It sounds like a kid on facebook...oh, wait.
ReplyDeleteIt is a joke, but how different will the real speech be?
ReplyDeleteGryph, just how much Faith does Bristol have? Website says she can speak about her Faith. I find that hilarious.
The puppet masters really have contempt for women.
ReplyDeleteI hope that was satire. Otherwise... I just don't know.
ReplyDeleteWhen you think about it, there's alot Bristol could talk about that would be well worth the price.
ReplyDeleteAside from spilling the beans on what her mother is REALLY like, she could explain how to falsify a medical report to make an abortion appear as a miscarriage, where to get diagnostic tests done on equipment that is neither regulated or monitored by the state, how to find a doctor who is about to lose his license for ethical violations, how to screw up your mother's plans to fake the miscarriage of a fake pregnancy, how to have sex under your parents' noses whenever you like, how to live alone with another person, how to raise a baby you seldom see...
I could go on....
She's a Palin alright...
ReplyDeleteOnly a Palin would have the unmitigated impudence to claim she was in the minority. (with having had children) This sounds like teeny bopper talk in the bath room.
I think Bristol is in her arrested 13 year old mind, just like her Mother.
Please someone make these people go away!!!!!
Here's a link to a picture from the real speech:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.flickr.com/photos/chrisdat/4620530042/in/pool-heartbeatinternational
It's a joke, people. The author on the link also claims to be the dictator of North Korea. Don't let your disdain of the Palins make you stupid.
ReplyDelete-Scott
They should sit down and shut up. Though this is obviously satire, it sounds like the gabble that comes out of their mouths.
ReplyDeleteBristol, you are only passably pretty, so dumb and boring doesn't work for you.
OMG!! How bored and miserable will she get for some cold hard cash?
ReplyDeleteShe looks disengaged and worse than when with Dr. Drew, not to mention she is just going for I'm just FAT and not on the pill or preg. Her posture is like her mother and that never helps. It looks like she is going for chin # 3.
Heartbeat International Confernce Day 2 (set with Bristol Palin)
Bristol Palin interviewed by Heartbeat's Katie Flood
THERE IS NO SPEECH TO TRANSCRIBE? Is that interview what they are saying is a $30k speech, those things are rigged worse than I thought?
Do you know why so many commenters here thought this post was real? Because some of it sounds like the word salad we have heard from her mother! For real. Anyway, Bristol's pics from the event are not that flattering - she had gained weight, for why we don't know.
ReplyDeleteThe Hearbeat International gig in Orlando was not a speech. It is an "inter-active interview session." This show was for an elitist Christianist agenda. Do you think she was paid for that? The pictures are worth thousands of words, they are worse than the SATIRE speech transcribe. What are her handlers doing to put her out there all puffed up like that? She better be talking about what is really going on with her. If she is preg, they need to stop giving her any medications. Something is very wrong.
ReplyDelete5-18-2010 Bristol's first engagement is the pro-life Heartbeat International Conference today in Florida.
Bristol's carved out a nice little niche for herself. She's also getting some (semi) celebrity fans. Celebrity Rehab's Dr. Drew Pinsky commended Bristol on her parenting: "'Bristol was fantastic. She is clearly a mother. Her parents (Sarah and Todd Palin), have handled it just right... Bristol is taking a sub-optimal situation and reaching out to her peers and trying to educate them about teen pregnancy."
Heartbeat International Conference Will Equip and Assist Pregnancy Centers
“Our focus on center defense is a very important track at our conference this year because nonprofits are not used to being attacked for helping pregnant women,” Heartbeat International President Peggy Hartshorn, told LifeNews.com. “Pregnancy help ministries need to learn proactive strategies to handle the hostile political maneuverings of public officials retained by the abortion industry.”
Heartbeat International, founded in 1971, is a Christ-centered association of more than 1,130 pregnancy help centers, maternity homes, non-profit adoption agencies, pregnancy help medical clinics and abortion recovery programs in 48 countries.
2010 Heartbeat International Conference being held in Orlando May 18-20th. Bristol Palin, daughter of former Alaska governor Sarah Palin, who will be featured in a special inter-active interview session
She has not matured. Levi is now "dead" to her? What kind of a role model is she? She just adds to the drama that is natural in these situations and she shows no maturity in overcoming the emotions that go with this. She will make peace with Levi when she realizes that if she shows some niceness that people will admire that.
ReplyDeletePalin did not quote the Facts of Life song-- she couldn't even utter a coherent, rehearsed sentence at Governor Hickles' funeral. Bristol has some not so bright people writing her speeches for her. We all know that the scene was more like Sarah falling on her knees and praising God for her pregnant teenaged daughter because it would add to the drama of the VP campaign trail. "I can identify with everyone now! All those poor, sad people with children getting pregnant! At least Bristol isn't getting an abortion! We are so Christ-like! C'mon, let's pull through this TOGETHER!"
She got paid $30,000 for that package of insecurity and vapid drivel.
People, Bristol did not give that speech. IT WAS SATIRE!!
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with anon at 12.34. Bristol looks terrible. In fact she looks in urgent need of help. What is her mother doing to her? I think this has gone beyond a joke.
LMAO!!!!! Love it!!!!! :-)
ReplyDeleteI hope the real dirt is dished, and soon.....don't let those morons make anymore money!
Anonymous @7:08: And who needs implants when the early stages of pregnancy enhances things on their own, just like in her previous pregnancy(ies). [I'm going to go out on a limb here: the green sweater pregancy (yes, I know it was a year b4 Trig. Who says he was her first? Trig, Tripp, and this baby makes 4.]
ReplyDeleteExcellent satire!
ReplyDeleteI just saw video from Boise (http://goo.gl/Vv9u) and Trig is in the video - and he doesn't look any bigger than the last time we saw him. I would have thought he is at the growing-like-a-weed stage. He sure looked like Trig but seems awful small.
good grief, she's gained more weight since the floral dress pic. I say she's pregnant again. you can't see her stomach, but look at how thick she is through the side of her waist. Puffy face, big boobs. Ben's bun in her oven.
ReplyDeleteHere is a photo of Bristol after leaving the gushing to Radar Dr. Drew.
ReplyDeleteDrew gushed to Radar:
“Bristol was fantastic. She is clearly a mother. Her parents (Sarah and Todd Palin), have handled it just right…Take the Palins’ politics out of it — they have done a remarkable job with Bristol.” Dr. Drew: Bristol Palin Is A 'Fantastic' Role Model
Bristol Palin goes clubbing after celebrating the National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy with Dr. Drew
May 5 Wednesday evening fretting that her cover would be blown at NYC hot spot 1Oak.
THE SATIRE, A Transcript, is better than any speech from a Palin. BRISTOL HAS NOT STARTED DOING ANY SPEECHES. That interview with the fugly pictures is some kind of warm up. She signed up with the speech peeps but she is not ready to give a speech. They are just doing a propaganda blitz as if she is ready to command money for her talent and experience. Do you think anyone would pay if they were honest about what they are selling? Dr. Drew is just one of the corporate hacks that are rewarded or paid to promote her. He does not care about reality and helping teens. Like the Palins do, he is also getting rich off of suckers. Parents want to believe they are doing good and if the kids are listening to Dr. Drew they don't have to find out what is really going on. MTV, Dr. Drew and the Palins are all into exploiting kids.
"I just saw video from Boise (http://goo.gl/Vv9u) and Trig is in the video - and he doesn't look any bigger than the last time we saw him. I would have thought he is at the growing-like-a-weed stage. He sure looked like Trig but seems awful small."
ReplyDeletethere are two Trigs - one is very small compared to the other - they look very much alike. Was it elf ear trig? (he's the bigger one) or round ear trig? very, very small - look at the USA weekend pics and you will clearly see both Trigs and the differences.
A joke isn't really funny if you have to explain it.
ReplyDeleteI just couldn't help myself, Bristol soooooooo owns this song now......
ReplyDeleteThe Cold Hard Facts of Life by Johnny Darrell.
Notice in the Boise airport clip how she tries to cover Trig's ears with his hair? She was clearly very nervous and caught off guard.....whatcha hidin'Sarah?
ReplyDelete"10 Things You Can Spend $30,000 on Other Than Hear Sarah Palin's Daughter Speak"
ReplyDeletehttp://www.alternet.org/story/146944/10_better_things_to_do_with_%2430%2C000_than_hire_sarah_palin%27s_daughter_to_speak/