Sarah Palin is pissed off and dammit EVERYBODY is going to hear about it! And by "everybody" of course I mean only those who read her Tweets or Facebook posts.

Look I don't know if it was something she read, or something she heard, or something she ate, but something or someone sure took a piss in the Grizzled Mama's cornflakes early this morning.

She started off by tweeting this about four o'clock in the morning Alaska time:

My, how the world of journalism changed w/this obsession to destroy subjects via exploiting out-of-context sound bites http://bit.ly/gOUOSu 11 hours ago via Twitter for BlackBerry®

The link is to a Howard Kurtz article for the Daily Beast that condemns the use of short sound bites to discredit public figures.  The article does not mention Palin by name, and really mostly spanks the right wing while only tapping the wrist of the left to give it balance, but that does not stop Snowdrift Snooki from assuming that  it is all about her. ("Everything is about me, me, me! Even if they don't know it!)

Later, at about nine o'clock our time, Palin actually finds something that DOES pertain to her, and fires up the RAM to pound out a Facebook response on her behalf, and a tweet to alert the flying monkeys.

Setting the Record Straight on State’s Film Production Tax Credit http://fb.me/F1W7h14H
8 hours ago via Facebook

This was in response to the the conservative website, the Daily Caller, suggesting that Palin's reality show benefited directly from tax breaks that SHE implemented while she was Governor. Here is the beginning of RAM's Facebook response:

Goodness, cleaning up the sloppiness of reporters could be a full time job. In response to The Daily Caller's online inquiry, I gave them a statement that the writer buried on his story’s second page (which most people won’t even notice – I didn’t even notice it) after he spent the first page completely spinning a situation to give the impression that Alaska’s film production tax credit legislation was somehow solely my idea hatched up to benefit the Palins years before I was ever involved in a documentary series on TLC/Discovery Channel. Here’s setting the record straight: As Governor, I signed into law a popular bipartisan bill that was crafted and passed by others and has resulted in numerous Alaska-based productions that are airing today. The only alternative to signing the legislature’s work product would have been for me to veto their legislation, which would have been useless. Besides all that, their legislation worked.

It is hard to tell if Palin is more pissed at the suggestion that she created a tax break in 2008 so that she could benefit from it in 2010, or if she is more pissed that they dared to put her denial of that can think that far ahead on the second page of the article. (I vote for the second one.)

However Palin was too fired up to spend all day bitching about a flippin' tax break that she certainly did not flippin' sign onto a bill to get more flippin' money,  and plus she suddenly realized that she had not criticized the President for hours, perhaps even days.  So just one hour later she took to Twitter again:

FLASHBACK: What We Were Saying One Year Ago About Obama’s Failed Energy Policy http://fb.me/NKPVi1mb
7 hours ago via Facebook

Palin was so excited to be on the attack again that she tweeted about it twice:

POTUS Manipulating U.S. Energy Supply... http://fb.me/NKPVi1mb
7 hours ago via web

Yep BOTH of those links lead to the RAM written Facebook post, which starts off as follows:

It’s unbelievable (literally) the rhetoric coming from President Obama today. This is coming from he who is manipulating the U.S. energy supply.

You can almost see the smile that must have been on Palin's face, and smell the venom dripping from her lips, as RAM read to her what "Palin" just wrote on Facebook.

So finally Sister Sarah undoubtedly felt she could sit back on her rocking chair made out of polar bear skin and the bones of baby seals and relax, knowing that asses had been kicked and names had been taken. (Oh yes, names had DEFINITELY been taken!)

Except something was still bothering the fabled "Star of  the North."  Was she forgetting something, she asked herself?  Maybe something coming up in the near future, that had gotten out of hand, and started more silly rumors that she needed to "squirmish" under one of her red Naughty Monkey Pump heels perhaps?

Aha!  She finally shook off the Red Bull and diet pill haze and remembered what it was!

But now RAM her trusty sidekick was completely used up and lying on her undersized bed in her tiny apartment pounding down Mallomars in an attempt to recharge her batteries.

What was Palin to do?  The event was only two days away and she had to do something to avoid looking stupid (again)!  She already decided to have Todd make a call, but she needed somebody competent to clean up whatever mess he might make!

There was really only one option left. She had to RELEASE THE STAPLETONGUE!!!

So Palin picked up her trusty hockey stick, that one she uses to keep Todd away from her when he has no pocket money for prostitutes, and swung it at the box with the words "BREAK GLASS FOR EMERGENCY SPOKESPERSON" printed on it.

Afterward, smelling of moth balls and pulling dust bunnies from her hair, "Meg the Mouth" reached out to Fox News:

Fox News also spoke with Meg Stapleton, Palin’s former spokeswoman, who says that there would be no major announcement of any kind on Friday. Stapleton has remained in contact with the Palin family and also spoke with Tim Crawford, Palin’s chief fundraiser, about the rumor.

The big news was supposedly going to be broken on KWHL’s “Bob and Mark In the Morning” show. The two hosts did nothing to shoot down the speculation.

Bob Lester, one of the hosts, responded to inquiries in an email saying he did not know what Palin would be talking about Friday. “We can only hope she announces something ‘Big,’” he wrote.

Stapleton says the hosts are more like "shock jocks" than newsmen, although Bob is described as a conservative who has been very good to Palin.

(Scoot over a smidge everybody, we have to make room for Bob and Mark under the Palin bus. Well there goes the neighborhood!)

I would assume at this point the Grizzled Mama is lying on her queen sized bed, just big enough for her and her Ginormous ego, rolling Tawd's testicles around in her palm like those Chinese Boading Balls, and thinking to herself, "What is that Latin phrase for tweeting the crap out of the day? Carped Damn...wait...Carpet Damp...no that's not it...Corpse Dump....oh fudge...what is that flippin' phrase again?  Well I seized the damn day by the cojones is what I did, so take that Mr. Obama!"

Good night America, and you make sure you get some good sleep, because there is just no telling what this crazy bitch will do next!