Sarah Palin writes article about President Obama's trip to Alaska using "Denali" as her nom de plume. No, I am not kidding.

Sarah Palin February 20, 2008.

Okay so either I am having another LSD flashback (I swear I thought they were just sugar cubes.) or Sarah Palin just passive aggressively threw her daughter, and her daughter's ghostwriter under the bus by using the name that the Secret Service gave her as her byline for this article entitled "What the President didn't see from Alaska."

As you can imagine it is full of attacks on the President, though unlike her Facebook posts there is an attempt at civility.

Here are a few of the low lights.

It starts off with this qualifier:

NOTE: “Denali” was the name assigned to Gov. Sarah Palin by the United States Secret Service during the 2008 campaign. Her husband’s code name, per Secret Service, was “Driller.” 

Of course WE already explained all that days ago.

There is a little gentle teasing at first:

While here, he enjoyed spectacular autumn weather which he commemorated with many selfies on a stick. He danced, he held a fish, he hiked a glacier (thankfully not the Mendenhal Glacier, for that chunk of ice is, literally, the size of Rhode Island. Instead, he enjoyed one of the other 100,000 Alaskan glaciers). And, he renamed a mountain…our mountain…the tallest peak on the North America continent.

That's really all Palin says about the renaming, which kind of leaves Nancy French and Bristol out on that iceberg of ignorance all on their own. Now that is cold.

But enough with the sweet talk, time for Palin to pull off the mittens. Which she does by jabbing Obama over his message concerning climate change:

Unlike most tourists, the President heads home now with his enormous fleet of transport vehicles – ironically after plenty of finger pointing on this Global Warming tour. Astoundingly, with just this one trip, a bigger carbon footprint was created than what 33 cars combined would create in an entire year.

Never going to stop being that mean girl from Wasilla High are you Sarah?

Oh here is one of the conservative's favorite new talking points, the Chinese ships in the Bering Sea.

Five Chinese warships off our Alaska coast – right there in the Bering Sea this morning – a signal that growing Superpowers like China (and Russia, with its recent brazen claims to lands and waterways that a sleepy America should be claiming) are no longer respectful of America, nor intimidated.

Bristol's ghostwriter also made some hay with this.

However the facts are that the Chinese are breaking no laws as those are international waters, and the Defense Department does not characterize their actions as a threat:

Another official told the Wall Street Journal the defence department did not "characterise anything they're doing as threatening".

I am not sure what Palin would have President Obama do, short of sending Donald Trump out on a rubber raft to start insulting them until they left the area.

Palin, sorry "Denali," also bitched about all of the oil still underground in Alaska that has not been ripped out, burnt, and released as a toxin into our atmosphere.

She then dinged the President for not visiting any of the military bases: 

The Commander in Chief wasn’t able to make time to visit with Alaska’s 22,000-plus active duty military personnel proudly fighting for our freedom. We’ll thank the troops for you, sir.

Hang on I have to wipe the venom off of my keyboard.

And then Palin complained that the President did not visit one of Franklin Graham's bullshit charities:

Next time I hope the President can take a minute to visit groups like Franklin Graham’s “Operation Heal our Patriots” near Bristol Bay; the faith-based charity working to heal scars inflicted in war.

Does she mean scars inflicted by the wars that George W. Bush started, and President Obama ended, thereby saving perhaps hundreds of American military lives?

Then, believe it or not, Snowdrift Snooki complains that Obama did not bother to confirm that yes you can see Russia from Alaska. (Damn she simply CANNOT let things go can she?)

The article ends with this blurb:

Denali served as Alaska’s 9th Governor, the youngest and first woman governor of America’s largest state. Prior to serving as Governor she was Mayor and Manager of the state’s fastest growing community, then went on to regulate energy development as Chairman of Alaska’s Oil & Gas Commission. Denali’s husband, a Yupik Eskimo from Dillingham, is the four-time “Iron Dog” race champion, is a pilot, and worked for nearly two decades as an oil field production operator in Prudhoe Bay. The family owns and operates a commercial fishing business in Bristol Bay.

Can you believe that shit?

Now if you will excuse me I have to go rinse my brain out with disinfectant.

Sarah and Bristol Palin perform a victory dance over the "firing" of long time nemesis Kathy Griffin. Thing is, it doesn't appear that she was fired. Update!

So last night Palin posted this on her mean girl Facebook page: 

It’s called karma, dear. 

Guess it's comforting to have selective amnesia when you're a bully who attacks strong, independent single mothers – all the while claiming you're a feminist. (Who hires someone with this kind of "class" anyway?)

Palin then linked to Bristol's ghostwritten blog, which featured this headline:

Fashion Police Kathy Griffin Claims She’s Fired Because She Doesn’t Ridicule People’s Bodies

Now interestingly enough that page linked to this page where a statement from Griffin reads: 

I am a freedom-loving female and gay rights activist who loves to find the funny in all people, attitudes, beliefs, and appearances, but only when the context permits intelligent humor. I thought that I could bring my brand of humor to Fashion Police so that beautiful people in beautiful dresses could be teased when appropriate. My brand of humor, while unrepentant and unafraid, is all about CONTEXT. There is plenty to make fun of in pop culture without bringing people’s bodies into it. Again people … context! Listen, I’m no saint – I’m a feminist AND a Gurrrrl who loves an offensive joke or a well-timed barb and you will find plenty in my repertoire. But I do not want to use my comedy to contribute to a culture of unattainable perfectionism and intolerance towards difference.

I've looked around and nowhere, except for in the imaginations of the Palin women, is anybody suggesting that Kathy Griffin was fired.  

However of course Bristol and Sarah hate the crap out of Griffin, who had the audacity to not only come to Alaska and flirt with Levi, but she even visited Palin's actually house.

Of course what REALLY seems to have pissed in the Palin women's cornflakes was this joke, that Bristol's ghostwriter links to for her. (You know because embedding videos is hard and everything.)

Okay now in my opinion THAT is not a fat joke, as much as it's an observation of a medical miracle.

I mean how else to explain this?

And this?

Right?

Update: Due to popular request I will add this picture of Bristol as well.

Yep, a medical miracle.

Sarah Palin "writes" an op-ed for Fox attacking the President for...well for just about everything.

So as has now become apparent to just about everybody Sarah Palin is damned and determined to be noticed in the media so she has become a whirling "derpish" of televised appearances, Facebook posts, and even Facebook videos.

Well now you can add Fox News op-ed writer as well.

And by that we mean she babbled into a tape recorder and had some poor SarahPAC paid hack attempt to form it into a coherent article.

Epic fail by the way. (For those seeking an op-ed that was almost ALL Palin's creation click here.)

Here are some of the lowlights.

First off she is pissed that the President is the Democrat's rainmaker: 

President Obama was absolutely swamped the other night, staving off the munchies at a pizza party in the Mile High city, hobnobbing as headliner at numerous Democrat shindigs, collecting big bucks from big donors all day. 

Whew. Exhausting. Especially exhausting must be trying to change pace and pivot through the fundraising parties, knowing they’re thrown by those much maligned “fat cats” (Obama’s words, not mine). 

The president conveniently disparages these fat cats in public, but in private their group hugs are a whole lot of cuddlin,’ purrin’ and rolling over for more tummy tickling from the one who feeds them. And it wasn’t hairballs any felines coughed up Tuesday just to hear Obama talk…and talk…and talk some more. 

Donors forked over up to $32,000 just to get in the door to hear some fancy talk and scratch each other’s backs. These parties may be quite boring, too, making the outings even more exhausting, because politics isn’t a passionate cause for most attendees, it’s a money maker.

Yes how dare the President attract money for Democrats. I mean can't he simply find one or two Koch style sugar daddies like the Republicans?

And how it must burn little Miss Irrelevant's ass to know that people are willing to shell out that kind of money to see the President while she still has to negotiate for air fare and lodging.

Palin then essentially calls the President "boy" by reducing him to the status of an out of control teenager: 

After watching what’s going on, does anyone else feel an urgency to take away the proverbial teenager’s car keys to prevent the inevitable crash down the road? But maybe that’s just the mama in me. Maybe I really should give the busy guy a break because with all the screaming chaos around the globe, Obama’s completely tone-deaf, disengaged, and unfocused actions perhaps can be explained.

The "mama" in her? Where was THAT when her kids were off doing drugs, breaking into liquor stores, and getting pregnant?

Palin then goes on to complain that the President in having the bowling alley in the White House renovated, which seems particularly trivial unless she believes the money spent on that could instead be used to send more border agents to Texas.

(Later she has to walk the criticism back after finding out that the project has been axed. I have to believe that this was not a project that the President personally championed as I have seen him bowl, and it does not look as if he spends much time practicing.)

Palin then goes on to criticize the President for visiting Denver:

I love this picture!

But, seriously, our commander-in-chief is busy, as Rome burns. For instance, after satisfying those munchies in Colorado, he carved out room for some super duper important games of pool in a bar with that state’s enabling governor. Ironically, Hickensooperdooper is his name. I think. (Actually it's Hickenlooper, but why bother trying to get it right when you can simply mock somebody instead?) Anyway, Obama won. He told us so. (Funny, he always wins. Golf, basketball, brackets and bets, his grand pronouncements afterward is always, miraculously, humph, he won again!) 

Whew. Racking balls, getting buzzed on suds, maybe humming “Rocky Mountain High” while kicking it in those Rockies, hard choices had to be made – stripes or solids? And that beer – do I drink it if the mountains aren’t blue? Talk about miscues.

WTF?

Well it looks as if, unlike the President, when somebody altered Palin a mind altering substance she said "You betcha!"

Next Palin criticized the President for his visit to Texas: 

President Obama was in Texas next. No time to visit the porous U.S. border, but lots of time for more fancy talkin’, photo-opin’ and fundraisin’. No plugging holes this time down South. 

Yeah why did the President visit Texas for "photo-opin'," and avoiding the "porous" border, instead of doing what Governor Rick Perry was doing.

You know "photo-opin'" ON the porous border. (Isn't there only like one body of water on the Texas-Mexico border? Yet every picture of Perry has him in a boat.)

Well enough screwing around, Palin needs to bring up those "impeachable offenses" again:

But Barack Obama has most certainly engaged in impeachable offenses. Many. That’s a given. No need to waste ink trying to educate the “deniers” on how things are guaranteed to get worse unless this lawless administration, led by an imperial president, is legally slapped down on the House and Senate floors; so instead I’ll use what we’re told are the world’s superpower’s scariest weapons – a pen and a phone – to talk to sane Americans about taking our country back. That’s up next. 

Yes this President has done some things that Palin believes are "impeachable offenses" though she has yet to name a single one. (I'm pretty sure that one of them is "Won't acknowledge my existence.")

Palin also believes that she understands what is holding lawmakers back from jumping onto the impeachment bandwagon to hell: 

With all due respect, listen up, politicians; you’ve ignored your 7th grade American government lessons long enough.

Yes it is that THEY who are the undereducated ones.

If only they would have paid as much attention in school as little Sarah Heath did in between proselytizing to her classmates, stuffing her bra, and showing the boys that the barracuda did not always use its teeth.

As the great Keith Olbermann once opined, "This woman, is an idiot!"

P.S. By the way I thought this was as good a place as any to remind everybody that the current problem at the border with the unaccompanied children is NOT due to a porous border.

These children, and often adults as well, are TRYING to get captured.

They are not climbing over border fences in order to disappear into the country. They are actively seeking border patrol agents and surrendering because they are terrified and need protection.

There is no influx of guards, or addition of National Guard troops, that is going to curtail this migration into the country. All it will do is help the immigrants find the help they are seeking more quickly.

Somehow this fact seems to be evading the Republicans.

Sarah Palin wastes little time in rushing back into the comforting arms of Fox News after her embarrassing appearance on the Today Show.

After Palin's appearance on Today, she quickly limped back to Fox in order to commiserate with Sean Hannity, Dana Perino, and some old guy whose name I don't have time to learn. (The pertinent portion is between 0:25 and 3:45.)


“It wasn’t just a coincidence that I was on this morning up against some competition down the plaza.” Yeah personally I had no illusions that any of this was accidental.

Palin was even MORE forthcoming with Zap2it:

"The people backstage," she writes to Zap2it, "who make the 'Today' show happen are top-notch! Todd (husband Todd Palin) said to let you know, Kate, that '...they put my home TV crew to shame' (That would be my crew of Todd and a buddy -- and sometimes the kids helping out -- in our Wasilla studio located in the back of Todd's airplane hanger). 

"Really, it was a lot of fun to work with every single one of the folks at the 'Today' show. I have so much respect for the workerbees at my FOX job, and to see this network support staff working just as hard to produce their network's product reinforces my belief that it's the good people with their elbow grease and nose to the grindstone who make the world go 'round. They make the talent look good! 

"And, frankly, I'm ecstatic we beat the 'perky one,' although I wouldn't have gone up against ABC's vacationing Robin Roberts, because she's such a good egg. By the way, both Robin and Matt Lauer have traveled the long journey to Alaska and dealt with unglamorous, rugged conditions to see more of our world; they've shown respect for a more unconventional Americana lifestyle, and we appreciate that."

"Workerbees?" Is that her version of "the little people?"

I don't know why Palin has to describe a trip to Alaska as rife with hardships. We are the 49th state in the union, NOT the deepest darkest jungles of Africa. (Which by the way ALL Alaskans, with one notable exception, recognize as a continent.)

So clearly Palin went on the Today show simply to beat the "perky one," as Palin so derisively calls  award winning journalist Katie Couric, which is exactly the kind of ugly, mean girl comment that we have all come to expect from a woman with perhaps the longest list of enemies since Richard M. Nixon.

However what she fails to note is that the Today Show ALWAYS beats GMA, and that her appearance actually improved those ratings very little.

P.S. if you want to see Hannity's the entire interview with the Grizzled Mama you can see it by clicking here.

Boy targeted by Willow Palin during Facebook rant does NOT accept Bristol's fake apology. Good for him!

From TMZ:

TMZ spoke with "Tre" -- the person whom Willow called a "f**got" after he criticized "Sarah Palin's Alaska" on his Facebook page.

Tre -- who tells us he's not gay -- claims he was offended by the comments and felt bullied by both women ... saying, "Willow called me a f**got in front of the whole world and my family."

When asked if he thought Willow was a homophobe, Tre replied, "I think she might be ... She says 'queer' and 'gay' so much ... so probably ... maybe."

Although Bristol issued a public apology through Facebook on behalf of her and Willow -- Tre says he's yet to hear from either one of them. We asked Tre if he accepted the online apology and he told us, "No way ... Maybe if it was sincere and honest from them straight to me, I would consider. But it would have to be direct."

Now before the Palin-bots come on here and start lying about the fact that the girls were "only defending their family" let me remind everybody that this boy wrote his comments on HIS Facebook page and that Bristol and then Willow came after HIM.

Only after they were called out all over the media did Birstol offer THIS pathetic apology:

"Willow and I shouldn't have reacted to negative comments about our family. We apologize. On a nicer note, thank you for supporting the great competition in Dancing with the Stars!"

Yeah I am with Tre, I would not accept that sorry excuse for an apology either.

BTW Tre is right about Willow's use of homophobic terms.  I just received some information that demonstrates this is fairly common verbiage for Willow to be using.

Someday I should write a post about the things I have heard that come out of Sister Sarah's mouth.  Now THAT would be Palin-bot troll bait like we have never seen before!

Before Sarah Palin can start screwing up the idea of Alaska for people living in the lower forty-eight, first she has to take time to trash Joe McGinniss.

From CBS News:

"Where I like to do a lot of my writing and researching - especially on a beautiful day - is outside, on our slab, where I get to take in the beauty of the lake," Palin said during the first minutes of the show, referring to a patio-like slab of cement in the family's backyard, which faces Alaska's Lake Lucille.

"Our behavior certainly has changed this summer because of this new neighbor," she continued.

"Our summer fun has kind of been taken away from us because of a new neighbor next door who's writing a hit piece on my wife," added Todd Palin, Sarah Palin's husband, who built a 14-foot fence between the two houses shortly after McGinniss moved in.

"Is he taking pictures? Don't give him the pleasure of taking a picture," Palin warns, as the family troops inside after a salmon-fishing expedition. "He was stuck inside writing an ugly book - see, we one-upped him. We had a good day and he's stuck in his house."

In the show, McGinniss (whose face is blurred out, and who is never mentioned by name) is pictured sitting on an upstairs deck reading a book. There is no apparent camera in sight.

All of this takes place within the first thirty minutes of Palin's new hour ling political commercial posing as a reality show. (In between Palin and her family take time out to show America exactly how NOT to behave in bear country.) After that we are subjected to another half hour of the high pitched screeches of Caribou Barbie, that shatter the usually pristine quiet of Denali, and her comical efforts to remember to use words like "Flippin'" and "Jeez" instead of the ones she is clearly more used to using.

The fact that Palin uses this new program to deliver a little payback to the author who dared to cast his shadow on Casa de Palin, should come as no surprise to anybody who read "Going Rogue", which essentially reads like one long Bitch-a-Palooza about everybody who Sister Sarah believes did her wrong.

However in THIS case Sarah and TLC were both warned by the author's lawyer to remove ALL images of Joe McGinniss, pixelated or not, from the program or face possible legal proceedings. 

As you can see from the CBS report above, neither Palin nor TLC took that warning seriously.

Perhaps this time Grizzled Mama will find that it is much harder to bully people people once they move thousands of miles away from Wasilla.